Setting Sun, Rising Moon
by Jaina
Summary: At the end of his life, it's time for Ichigo to become a real shinigami, but with death comes unexpected challenges—not the least of which is that presented by seeing Rukia again for the first time in years.
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers: Assumes knowledge of all characters and events leading up to the winter war, but as this takes place in the future, historical references are largely creative inventions.

Huge, huge thanks to Raynos, Utenatai, Hecatehatesthat, and Tenebris for asskicking beta, spec, and putting up with my whining. This fic has gone through a lot of changes in the year I've been plotting/writing it, and I absolutely could not have done it without them. Formerly referred to as "Dead Ichigo" (and probably always will be in my head), it was produced through the power of many cans of Dr. Pepper and copious listening to Imogen Heap and is the longest fic I've ever finished. I hope you enjoy it.

**Setting Sun, Rising Moon: Chapter 1**

Chapter one: On death, career changes, and memories of youthful indiscretions.

--

Ichigo died.

He sat up. "Well. That was easier than I thought it would be."

"I'm impressed you managed it." Rukia smirked at him as he stood. "You've been pretty hard to kill in the past."

"I wasn't 77 in the past," he said. He glanced at his still, silent body that lay on the bed he'd died in, then down at his soul's form, which from his vantage point appeared considerably younger. "Huh. I look a lot more handsome now."

She just smiled. "You know, you've kept important people waiting a long time."

"Ah, pipe down, I had things to do." He looked away from the body and flexed his arms experimentally. The arthritis was gone. He hadn't been able to move this easily in years.

Rukia still looked the same—that face that hadn't changed since the day they'd met but had somehow grown younger to him as he'd aged. That "exasperated by human foolishness but deigning to tolerate it" expression. It had been a long time since she'd looked at him like that. He'd missed it more than he'd realized. "So you're here instead of the local shinigami, huh? You must have missed me."

"Of course not," she scoffed. "You're too annoying to miss."

"And you're too bossy."

"Idiot."

"Bitch."

They glared at each other, but Ichigo could see the corners of Rukia's mouth turning up, and as if by mutual agreement, they broke into grins. "So, are you ready to do this thing?" he asked.

Rukia nodded. "I'll see you soon."

"Aren't you coming with me?"

She shook her head. "Every soul has to do this alone." In one smooth motion, she unsheathed Shirayuki and smacked his forehead with the end of her hilt. It tingled where she struck.

"But—"

The world around him dissolved.

When he felt the ground under his feet again, he looked down to see that he was still wearing his faded pajamas and hospital robe instead of a proper black uniform. He hadn't realized that he would arrive in Soul Society without one. Rukia probably had. Trust her not to mention that detail.

It only took one glance to tell him he stood in Rukongai. The current residents barely spared the newcomer a glance as they passed by. He didn't look like anything special, and with their lack of spiritual sense, they couldn't tell he was a shinigami. And he was, even then—his blade was nowhere in sight, but Ichigo could still feel Zangetsu resting in his mind, deep and silent but a little closer to the surface than he had been in many years.

"It's all right, ossan," he said. "Take your time waking up."

He turned his attention to what was around him. He needed to find Seireitei, but he had no idea how to get there. He didn't recognize the buildings around him—it would be too much to hope that he could find Ganjuu for a drink, a brawl, and directions.

A strange pang struck him then. The last time he'd arrived in Soul Society feeling this lost, he'd at least had his friends by his side. Chad, Inoue, Ishida...it had been a while since he'd been fit to keep in contact, but as far as he knew, he couldn't expect to find them here. Not yet. For the moment, he was on his own.

Well, there was only one other way to do it. He looked up, squinting against the sun, and spotted the tip of Senzaikyuu far, far in the distance.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking. It was a hot day with little breeze, so he was sweating lightly within a few minutes, but it felt good just to be outside. Fresh air was supposed to be good for you, and Ichigo believed it. It certainly felt better in his lungs than the sterile, circulated air of the hospital had. The people he passed looked clean and the buildings were well-kept. This had to be a lower-numbered district. That should make the trip easier; he'd be at Seireitei in no time.

Five hours later, he was sweaty, tired, and in a pissier mood than when he was fucking _dying_, but with perseverance and a few inquiries to the souls that lived closer to Seireitei, he'd finally made it to one of the gates. Eastern, by the look of the shadows the walls cast. It was closed, but there was no giant ape-like guardian in sight, so Ichigo just headed toward it, figuring he'd decide what to do next when he got there.

He should have worried. The gate swung up when he arrived, but instead of Rukia it was Zaraki Kenpachi who stood behind it, with that vice-captain of his perched on his shoulder like a tiny pink demon.

Zaraki grinned. "Welcome to Soul Society, Kurosaki," he said. "We can finally fight again."

Ichigo swore. "No way," he said firmly. "I'm done with that."

Zaraki's grin grew bigger, if that was possible. "You're dead this time. You can't run away anymore."

"What are you even doing here? Where's the gatekeeper?!"

"Ken-chan gave him the day off!" Yachiru announced. "Ken-chan's been looking forward to this for _decades!_"

"I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY ZANPAKUTOU, YOU LOON!"

"Captain Zaraki!" Rukia's voice rang out as she ran up to the gate from the inside. Ichigo thought he had never been so happy to see her. "Harassing newly-arrived souls is strictly forbidden!"

"Bah, I'm just preparing him." He turned to go, his expectant grin never wavering. "After all, I want him to be as strong as possible when we fight again!"

"Bye-bye, Vice-Captain Shorty! Bye, Itchy!" Yachiru waved enthusiastically from her position on Zaraki's shoulder until they were out of sight. A stray thought about kids these days having no respect flashed through his brain, but he shook it off.

"Sorry about that." Rukia shook her head. "I knew he wanted to challenge you, but frankly, I assumed they'd get lost. We can go now."

"About time," he said. He started to move, then stopped. "Wait. Did she call you...?"

"Yes. As if she is one to speak of height." She rolled her eyes. "But then, Vice-Captain Kusajishi has never had any sense of irony."

"Huh?"

"I have invited her to call me by my given name more than once, but she persists in—"

"Not that!" he said. "The other part!"

"Oh." A smirk spread across her face. "Don't gape like that at a vice-captain, Ichigo. It's unbecoming."

He shut his mouth with a click. "Well...hey! Congratulations." He wanted to ask how long it had been, what had finally prompted it, why she hadn't told him when it did—he'd been infirm, not deaf—but she spoke before he could continue.

"Thank you." She nodded. "Come on. This way."

When he'd come to Soul Society to rescue Rukia, Ichigo had explored one of the lower Western districts of Rukongai. The souls who lived there were poor but clean, and he'd been impressed with how nice things looked, considering. The Kuchiki estate went way beyond that. Ichigo could barely tell they were inside Seireitei once they passed through the gate. The path they took to the main house wound around sprawling gardens and meticulously landscaped yards. Everything was so orderly, not a pebble out of place or weed where one shouldn't be. There wasn't anything splashy, but he could tell it took serious money to keep everything looking so rigidly perfect.

"Nice digs," he said as Rukia led him on.

"They suffice," she said. "As vice-captain, I am entitled to private quarters in the thirteenth division barracks, but I still spend time here out of propriety."

"Right." He stretched his legs, enjoying the slower pace now that he wasn't hurrying to meet anyone. It had been a while since he'd been able to take a walk like this under his own power. Getting pushed around in a wheelchair by thoughtful grandnieces was nice, but it didn't qualify, and at the end there had been no walks at all. Right now, he felt like he could walk forever. "So this is what it's like to be dead."

"Does it feel different being here?"

"Pretty much the same as last time," he said. "Feels good to be able to move around easy on my own again. Nice to be here, I guess. Kinda weird at the same time."

"Oh?"

"Well, yeah." He fidgeted. "I thought it'd feel more like the old days, but it's like my brain hasn't made the connection yet. I keep expecting to need a walker or something."

Rukia looked amused. "Would you have preferred to remain an invalid?"

"Hell no. Glad I didn't pop out old. My creaky bones wouldn't be much good in a fight then."

"Be thankful for your spiritual abilities. Those who have them arrive at Soul Society in their prime and age at will. Without them, you would have spent your time here as you did in life."

Ichigo shuddered. "I did get pretty used to being old. Not much choice, you know? But I never got to like it." He shrugged. "It feels good to be here. Been a long time since I last visited."

"You're not a visitor anymore, though," she said. "This is your world now."

His world—the same as hers. For once, they'd have that in common. "Heh. I guess it is."

"You find it amusing?"

"Not really," he said. "I was just thinking." He stuck his hands in his pockets and searched for the right words. "Living in Soul Society for good. Guess I didn't think it would ever really happen."

She looked away. "Everyone dies eventually."

"Dying's the easy part. I'm not so sure about what comes next."

She was quiet for a moment before smiling. "You can start by changing out of those ridiculous pajamas."

"Hey! They're comfortable. And if you'd bothered to bring something for me to wear, I wouldn't be in them!"

"I am not your fashion consultant!"

"No, you're just the girl who can't go five minutes without busting my balls."

"Someone has to." She grinned. He realized he was grinning, too.

It almost slipped as he looked down at her. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be around Rukia like this—the camaraderie, the comfortable bickering. It didn't feel completely natural yet—he still felt like he should be a grumpy old man, and it had been a long time since they'd talked like this. But it was still reassuring in its way. Like something once lost that he was starting to believe he could find again.

"Come on, let's go inside," Rukia said. "I'll give you the tour."

The interior of the Kuchiki mansion reminded Ichigo a lot of its owner: tastefully sparse. There were a few decorations—a wall scroll here, an exquisitely carved table there—but nothing to make the place look lived in. Servants hung about, ready when they were needed but otherwise fading into the background. Their master was nowhere to be seen. Rukia assured him that Byakuya would be pleased to see him, really, it was just that he was tied up with Captain business at the moment. Ichigo had his doubts.

"So how is everything in Soul Society going?" he asked. "Uncover any more secret conspiracies lately?"

Rukia shot him one of her special Looks. "All conspiracies are secret, idiot," she said. "Things are calm, though I doubt that will last now that you're here."

"Hey!"

"You do tend to stir things up, Ichigo."

"It's not me who started things last time," he retorted. "But I'm just a normal shinigami like the rest of you now."

Rukia laughed. "I doubt anyone would ever describe you as normal." Her expression cleared. "Actually, that's something I needed to talk to you about. I was going to wait and let you acclimate, but I suppose now's as good a time as any."

"Eh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Sounds serious."

"It is, in a way," she said. "It was recently announced that Captain Hisagi is to ascend to a seat in the Central 46."

"Who?"

"Hisagi Shuuhei," she said. "He replaced Aizen as captain of the fifth division after the war. I know I told you this when it happened."

"Probably." He frowned, trying to jog his hazy memory. "Tattooed guy?"

"Yes, the tattooed guy.' You fought on his side, Ichigo, you should remember who he is!"

"You know I'm lousy at remembering names."

"You'll have to get better if you want to be a captain of the Gotei 13," she said sharply.

He nodded. "Ah. Right...WHAT?" He stopped abruptly in the middle of the hall they were in, wheeling around to face her.

"Someone has to be captain, and now you are here." She paused. "It never occurred to you that this might happen?"

"No!" He gaped at her as he fumbled for words. "I thought—I thought I'd just die and then do the same stuff I used to only I wouldn't have to worry about my body! And they want to make me a CAPTAIN? WHY?"

Rukia looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "You're more than qualified," she said. "You are a skilled fighter. You achieved bankai in record time. You have the ability to lead and inspire respect in those who follow you. You demonstrated all these qualities decades ago. You should have expected to be made captain."

He glared at her. "Yeah, well, I didn't. It's a huge responsibility."

"Since when have you been one to run from responsibility?"

"It's not like that. It's...look, all you Soul Society guys have your own way of doing things. There's this whole structure of things I don't know anything about—I just come in and smash all the rules and do it my way. That's not really what they should be looking for in a leader. I might be a shinigami but I was never really part of the group."

"You are an idiot," Rukia snapped. She leaned closer, hands firmly on her hips, and Ichigo felt like she was bearing down on him with disapproval, as physically impossible as that would be. "Of course you weren't part of the group,' as you say. You had the rest of your life to live. Everyone respected that. But you're here now, Ichigo. What would you like to do instead? Run off on your own, ignore your duty?"

That stung. "No. But that doesn't mean I have to be a captain. It's not an either-or thing."

"It is in this case," she said. "To be offered a captaincy is a tremendous honor. To turn it down for the sake of your own unfounded misgivings would be an equally tremendous insult."

"I thought you said I deserved it."

"That does not lessen the honor," she said sternly. Her voice carried through the still, silent air and he wondered briefly if the servants were listening or if they'd been trained not to hear private arguments.

"Look, it's not like I want to insult anyone," he said. "I just don't want them to make the wrong choice just cuz I kicked some ass when I was a kid."

Rukia gave him a long, piercing look, one that meant she was about to say something important and he damn well better listen. "You are an idiot," she said again, "because you insist on being blind to your own worth. The captains of the Gotei 13 are not stupid, Ichigo. They know you. They believe in you. And so do I. You've been proving yourself since the day you took on my duties."

Ichigo faltered. He felt his cheeks heat up. "That was different."

"Is it?" She tilted her head to one side. "You always wanted to protect people. How many more people do you think you can protect as a captain—working with Soul Society instead of on your own?"

"Is dealing with a ton of paperwork going to help with that?"

"You take things so literally." Her expression softened into what looked like the beginnings of a smile, though the sternness didn't leave her eyes. "There's more to protecting people than running around slicing hollows to ribbons. You might not get your hands as bloody, but since when has that been the most important thing?"

"Still. It's not like I really fit in well last time I was here, Rukia."

"Yes. And that is why this is so important," she said. "You saw how things were, how easy it was for Aizen to manipulate everyone. Soul Society's foundation is strong, but..." She looked away for a moment, and he knew how hard it was for her to say this. "But we must make sure such a thing can never happen again. You fought Soul Society with an outsider's eyes and helped reveal the truth. We still need that, to keep protecting people…the way you protected me then."

"I…" He wanted to say something, to protest further, but it was very difficult to form words when she was looking at him with such absolute confidence. "I don't know how to be a captain."

She made a face and kicked him in the shin. "Is that all you're worried about? Idiot. We'll train you, of course. You thought we'd just give you a captain's haori and turn you loose?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hell yeah. You've already got Zaraki running around."

She kicked him again. "We do. And he agreed that you should be the next captain. They all did. It was unanimous among the other captains."

"Really? Even your tight-assed brother?"

Rukia gave him a "continue and I'll flash-freeze you" look. "Yes, nii-sama agreed. That is what unanimous means."

"I know that! I just have a hard time believing that your brother of all people would—"

A wave of reiatsu stopped him from continuing. "That I would what, exactly?"

Ichigo turned to see Kuchiki Byakuya standing in the doorway, his standard "bored and better than you" expression firmly in place. "Good evening, Rukia, Kurosaki," he said, not waiting for Ichigo's answer. "Welcome to Soul Society and to my home. Will you be joining us for dinner?"

"Yes, nii-sama," Rukia answered for him. "I think he should stay here tonight as well. His guest quarters won't be ready until tomorrow."

Byakuya nodded. "I will have the servants prepare a room."

"Was he really just polite to me?" Ichigo hissed once Byakuya had left.

She elbowed him in the side. "Shut up, idiot. He respects you, you know, in his own way. Now come on, you've got to change before dinner."

"Change? Into what?"

"Into the proper attire." She grinned. "You're a full-time shinigami now, Ichigo. You've got to look the part."

Dinner was about as uncomfortable as Ichigo had imagined it would be. Byakuya said very little and Rukia followed his lead, leaving Ichigo to feel hopelessly outclassed—the Kuchiki family even ate gracefully.

At least the food was good.

The guest room Rukia led him to afterwards was as sparsely furnished as the rest of the place, but he didn't need much more than a futon.

"If you need anything, I'll be just down the hall," she said.

"Rukia," he said, stopping her as she turned to leave.

"Yes?"

He wasn't actually sure what he wanted to say. There was a time when he wouldn't have had to say anything—Rukia had always been good at reading him, better than anyone else.

But that was a long time ago. "Goodnight," he finally said.

"Goodnight, Ichigo."

He watched her go to her own room before entering his. There didn't seem to be anything to do other than undress and go to bed, so he did. He was kind of tired, now that he thought about it. Dying took a lot out of a guy.

Yet he couldn't bring himself to actually fall asleep; he lay there and stared at the ceiling, all that had happened and all that was going to happen swirling through his mind. He was lost in thought when he heard a loud click come from the direction of the door; he could feel Byakuya's reiatsu moving away.

Ichigo stared for a moment before sighing and closing his eyes. For all that Rukia professed Byakuya's newfound respect, it seemed the guy still had some reservations. Ichigo had no doubt that if he got up to check, the door would be locked from the outside, all in the name of preventing Ichigo from sneaking into Byakuya's little sister's room for more hospitality than Byakuya wanted her to offer.

Ichigo rolled over to sleep. He couldn't blame the stuffed-shirt; he'd been tempted to do the same with a few of Karin and Yuzu's boyfriends, after all.

It was just too bad that Byakuya was over fifty years too late.

Ichigo didn't usually remember his dreams with any kind of clarity, and when he did, they never made much sense. Maybe it was something about Soul Society's inherently spiritual nature, or maybe it was just being around Rukia again, but the memories washed over him as he lay there, strong enough that they didn't seem to stop when he fell asleep.

They'd been so young. Him more than her, but even with the decades she'd already had on him, he couldn't think of her as anything else when he looked back. It had been a while since he'd seen her face to face. She'd still had duties in the living world from time to time, but she'd never been reinstated as Karakura's shinigami after that disastrous first assignment, and with the Aizen thing over and done with, she had less reason to be there. He'd missed her, a hell of a lot sometimes, but the epic battles were done and they each had their own world to return to.

She went to Soul Society; he went to college. He discovered dating and did a little of it, though nothing really stuck with the girls he knew. Rukia still came to see him when she could and they'd go on the hunt together, purifying Hollows and performing konso all night and talking until dawn when they could find no more. It was almost like the old days, until she'd have to leave again.

And then, at the beginning of one weekend in the spring, she showed up unexpectedly and announced that she wanted to see more of this university thing that took up so much of his time. She'd even procured a gigai for the occasion. He'd shown her around the place, introduced her to friends who didn't know about spirits and Soul Society and didn't understand what such a hot chick was doing with Ichigo.

It had been fun. It felt right to have Rukia around again, sharing his life beyond the stolen hours as a shinigami representative. He hadn't planned for it to be anything more than a nice weekend with an old friend—hadn't planned to kiss her, nor thought of how he'd react when she kissed him upon returning from Ichigo's favorite sake bar.

He'd loved Rukia for a long time, but had never let himself think of being _in_ love with her. He'd gone out and lived his life. He knew there were steps to this sort of thing—go on a date, start with a few kisses. That didn't stop him from unbuttoning her blouse and slipping her bra straps off the shoulders of her false body when she pressed herself against him.

He saw it again in his dreams, the details hazier but still remembered—the way she'd flushed as she undressed him, the expression on her face when he'd tried to stop them both to go to the drugstore for a condom. The ache in his skull when she'd hit him and explained why it was unnecessary.

In his mind, Ichigo was in the middle of losing his virginity when he glanced over to see Zangetsu leaning against the wall, viewing the proceedings with a critical eye.

"Ossan?!" he shouted. "What—what are you doing here?"

"I've always been here, Ichigo," the zanpakutou-made-manifest said coolly. "Always with you."

"But you weren't HERE! I remember—this didn't happen!"

Zangetsu shook his head and strode over. "Ichigo," he said. "Do you really think I could sleep through this?"

He tapped Ichigo sharply on the head and suddenly the world went sideways. Ichigo crashed off the bed, but if the Rukia in his dreams noticed, he couldn't tell, because the walls dissolved and he was falling, rushing past the glass windows of skyscrapers...

Ichigo sat up.

It was morning. A quick look around the guest room assured him that he was still dead and, unfortunately, not in the middle of getting any. Though his body didn't seem to have gotten that message. He stood up to find a bathroom for a cold shower—Byakuya probably would've sent someone to unlock the door by this time, but if he hadn't, he'd bust it open now and apologize later.

He stopped when he saw Zangetsu—in sword form this time—leaning against the wall like he had always been there. Like he belonged there.

He grinned. "Morning, ossan."

Soul Society already felt a little more like home.

--

Comments and criticism are warmly welcomed.

NEXT CHAPTER: "Don't worry—since we're old friends, I'll only make you call me 'sempai' in front of cute girls."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: On old lovers, new lessons, and things lost and found.

--

Ichigo was dying.

It had been a long time coming, but when the news reached her division, Rukia had to sit back for several minutes to absorb it. It wasn't that she hadn't expected this day to come; for all the rules he'd broken in his lifetime, not even Ichigo could cheat death forever. It was just that she'd never realized what it would feel like to know that he would soon be a part of her world. She was thankful for the advance notice. Soul Society had always kept an eye on Ichigo and the humans who had once fought with him. They had seen him live out his natural life, and while the power of his spirit seemed like it would go on forever, his body would not.

He was an old man. What hair was left on his head was white and thin. And he was dying. Soul Society would finally have a place for the man who could have been a captain when he was just a boy.

They kept him under constant watch for the last weeks of his life, even as plans were made for his death. Then one day, not long before sunset, Captain Ukitake had asked her to join him outside his private office. Unusual, given that all of their professional interaction normally took place in the proper place, but he did have a sentimental side. He seemed relaxed when she joined him in strolling along the koi pond. In the newly fine weather of the blooming spring, even the fish seemed more energetic, darting about in the water.

"I thought you should know that Ichigo will soon be dead," Ukitake said without preamble. "Reports are that he has days, at most. We'll bring him to Seireitei immediately, of course, but there's the matter of his soul burial..."

"I will do it," Rukia said immediately.

Ukitake nodded, a small smile playing at his lips. "I thought you would. But there is another matter. I suppose you don't know that Captain Hisagi has been asked to join the Central 46."

"I hadn't heard."

"It was a surprise to me as well," he said. "I believe he will excel in the position. But that leaves us with an opening."

"For Ichigo." She understood immediately. "You want him to be a captain."

Ukitake nodded. "There are a number of things that must be done first—he will need an adjustment period, and it will be some weeks before Shuuhei takes up his new position."

"When was this decided?"

"Just today, but it's been under discussion for a while now," he said. "Captain Zaraki was especially enthusiastic."

She bit back a smile. "That should help Ichigo get back to fighting fitness quickly."

"I thought so." Ukitake smiled. "As I said, there are a number of things to deal with, but I thought you should know immediately, considering your history."

At the moment, Rukia felt that history bearing down on her. "Thank you, sir."

Soon after, word came that it was time. She stepped through the gate to the living world, Shirayuki at her side, and went to him.

The man who lay in bed was weak, but his reiatsu still pulsed strongly around him. He slept deeply, his breath shallow and growing shallower. She watched and waited for the end to come. Just before it did, around an hour later, he opened his eyes and focused on her. He smiled, before closing them one last time.

The morning after Ichigo died, Rukia delayed getting up as long as possible. It could have been called dawdling, save that Kuchiki did not dawdle. She could have told herself she had an excuse. She'd slept poorly, drifting in and out of dreams that she remembered only a little and wasn't sure she wanted to recall further. But that would be lying to herself, and she tried to do less of that these days.

She didn't want to see Ichigo—and she did. It had been years since they'd talked, longer since they'd said anything worth the air it took to form the words. But here in Soul Society, his soul's form was not the man she'd watched grow up, grow old. Ichigo was young again, intense and vital. It shook her in ways she thought she'd put behind her.

No. That was long over. Whatever had passed between them years ago, he was her friend now and like any new soul, he'd need to adjust to Soul Society. It was her duty to help with that, not think about...whatever she was not going to think about.

She stood and left for the baths. A cold rinse would do her good.

Ichigo was lurking about the hall when she emerged, clean and dressed. "Hey," he said. "Morning."

She swallowed heavily. Speech should not be difficult. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

A wry expression flickered across his face for an instant. "Fine," he said. He turned slightly so she could see Zangetsu strapped to his back. "Look who showed up overnight."

"You won't need him today," she said.

"Oh?"

"I'll explain shortly. Are you hungry?"

"Starved."

"Follow me, then."

They didn't speak much on the way to the dining room, and little more when the servants brought them breakfast. Every time Rukia tried to say anything beyond small talk, she'd look up to see him watching her. Something about it affected her stomach unpleasantly. He looked like he expected her to say or do something, but what that something was, she had no idea. Maybe he expected them to return to their easy banter of long ago. Maybe he expected something entirely different.

Rukia felt as if there were some script she was supposed to follow, but she hadn't been allowed to read it. It had been easier yesterday, when her happiness at seeing him for the first time in so long had been enough. Now she kept stopping to think before she spoke, and everything that came out of her mouth felt wrong.

"So," he said, when the servants took the plates away. "What's new in Soul Society?"

She smiled into her teacup. "That's an awfully general question."

"Well, what do you expect? A guy wants to know these things."

"Perhaps you could be more specific?"

He scratched his head. "Well...how is everything going? When did you make vice-captain? How are Ganju and Kuukaku and Hanataro?"

"Things are going well, some time ago, and they are fine," she said. "The Shiba have moved—again—but you should visit when you can. I'm sure they'd like to see you."

"Yeah, maybe." He shrugged. "How's Renji?"

"He's fine, too."

Ichigo made a face. "So he's fine, everyone's fine. I feel all up to date now."

"Do you want me to go over every detail? It has only been five years since last we spoke."

"Six," he corrected. "And it was the rest of my life, so it felt kinda long." He looked away.

"I suppose so," she said quietly.

He sipped his tea. "Hey, this is really good stuff. Byakuya springs for the best, huh?"

"Since when are you such a connoisseur of tea?"

He shrugged. "I got old. Tastes change."

She gave him a long, measuring look. "You are not old now."

That was a lie. He was old, now—older than he looked, and far older than the clueless boy she'd once known. It showed in his eyes, a little, and she wondered about all he'd experienced in the time since she'd last seen him, and in the years before that, when their brief visits were reduced to words that sounded friendly and spoke of nothing that mattered.

"Hurry and finish," she said. "We have to leave soon."

She led him away from the Kuchiki grounds and through several blocks of Seireitei before curiosity got the best of him. "Where are we going?"

She glanced at him, but didn't stop walking. "It will be some time before you officially become captain. Captain Hisagi has his own preparations to make before he takes up his new position, and you must learn about running a division. You will have assistance. But now that you are here, a reception has been arranged following this morning's weekly assembly of the current captains."

Captain Ukitake was there to greet them as they entered the meeting room.

"Welcome, Ichigo-kun." He smiled warmly. "It is good to have you finally with us."

Captain Kyouraku was right behind him. "Kurosaki!" he crowed. "Please tell me that big friend of yours will be next."

"Sorry, but last I heard Chad was still hale and hearty," Ichigo said. "I think he'll live forever."

"Pity." He pouted. "I owe that boy a drink. He has to be legal now."

Rukia hung back as they drew Ichigo further into the group. She was the only vice-captain in attendance, and it was not her place to escort him further. She watched with apprehension as Yamamoto moved forward to greet his latest captain-to-be, but Ichigo shook the man's hand with no more than a hint of coolness on his face. It seemed that some wounds really did heal.

From Ichigo's perspective, she supposed, it must appear that not much had changed in the Gotei 13 since his first...visit, as a ryoka. Few changes in lineup since the great war, though the battle itself had changed them all. But from the inside, Rukia had seen other differences. Things had had to change. She watched his guarded expression, and wondered how long it would take Ichigo to understand.

"Hey." She turned around to see Renji. "Looks like I'm late."

"Only a little," she replied, tensing.

"He looks...okay. Less wrinkly." He nodded at Ichigo. "Guess I should say hello."

"Renji...you don't have to."

"Relax, Rukia," he said quietly. "I'm just saying hello to an old friend. Oi, Ichigo!" He raised a hand in greeting as Ichigo turned.

"Renji." He grinned. "And here I thought they'd have kicked your ass out by now."

"Che, you wish. Though maybe I should run now that they're letting you in." He was smiling evenly, and Rukia relaxed a little.

"You've got some time. I've gotta get trained, apparently," Ichigo said. "What's that gonna be? Do I have to kick your ass one more time?"

Renji snorted. "You wish. No, Yamamoto will talk to you about it more later, but you're going to spend some time with each division—see how things are done, see how you might wanna do things in yours. And you'll take some classes at the Academy, maybe see if they can finally teach you some kidou."

"Back to school, huh?" Ichigo sounded more amused than annoyed. Apparently his patience had grown since she'd seen him. "I'll just tell myself it's like going to grad school."

Rukia frowned. She wanted to ask what that was, but they almost seemed to have forgotten she was there. Ichigo looked more at ease than he had since he'd arrived.

"You better not do a crappy job," Renji said. "That's my old vice-captain you have to follow."

"He made vice-captain before you did," Rukia pointed out.

"Yeah, and I made captain first, so what?"

Ichigo smirked. "Shouldn't you be asking me to live up to you, then?"

Renji paused for a moment. "Maybe. If you think you can."

"I guess we'll see."

The gathering broke up before long. There was plenty of work for the other captains to be doing, despite Kyouraku's invitation to a lovely little bar he knew nearby, and once everyone had had a chance to talk with Ichigo—her brother had used very few words—people began to disperse. Renji nodded goodbye to her on his way out. Ichigo drifted over to her. "So what now?"

"They didn't tell you?"

"No, I just figured you'd know."

"I see," she said. "I suppose I can assist you. But I am not your minder, remember."

"Yeah, whatever."

"I don't believe you have any more official obligations today," she said. "But I can escort you to your guest quarters."

He nodded. "Lead on, then. Not like I got much luggage."

The winding path she took led them by another set of buildings. "This is the academy," she said. "I thought you might like to see it."

"Sure." He looked around as they walked. "So this is where you went to school?"

"Yes. A long time ago." Very long. The would-be shinigami walking by in their crisp uniforms looked so _young_ to her, despite the fact that her physical appearance was no older than most of theirs. It was something else, in their expressions, perhaps, that made them look, to her, almost like children. She could remember being that young, the turmoil of being more than a child but not quite an adult, but it seemed like the memory was from another life.

"What was it like? Tough?"

"I suppose," she said. "It will be easier for you. You will not have a full curriculum."

"What, don't want to tell me about your school days? Did you do as bad as when you went to my school?" He smirked.

"There's nothing to tell." She glared. "But—"

"Ichigo!"

They both swung around in the direction of the voice. Who on earth would know him here? She squinted against the sunlight. A figure was dashing towards them, and he almost looked familiar.

"Keigo?" Ichigo gaped.

Rukia felt a distinct sense of déjà vu as she watched Asano Keigo leap at Ichigo in full-on glomp position. Ichigo dodged and sent Keigo crashing to the ground with a kick to the head. She couldn't help but be pleased that his reflexes were intact.

"Ah, it's just like the old days!" Keigo grinned from his prone position.

"When were you going to tell me about this, Rukia?" Ichigo demanded.

"I didn't know! You think I keep track of every new student in the academy? And don't be so rude." She extended a hand to Keigo to help him up.

"Ah, Kuchiki-san, as kind and beautiful as always." He grinned. "I wanted to come say hello to you when I enrolled, but they keep us so busy, and well...no one believed I knew a vice-captain."

"That's very sweet of you, Asano-kun. I'm sure I would have loved to say hello." She beamed. It had been a while since she'd gotten to practice her best sparkle.

"Right," Ichigo mumbled. "I can't believe you're here, Keigo. You want to be a shinigami?"

He shrugged. "Why not? I had some power when I was alive—thanks to you—but never got a chance to use it after that first time. And being dead is a lot more boring than I thought." He smirked. "Rumor has it that the new captain will be going to school, too. Don't worry—since we're old friends, I'll only make you call me sempai' in front of cute girls."

Ichigo turned to her. "I want another afterlife."

"Hey!"

"Perhaps I should leave you two to get re-acquainted." She turned to Keigo. "Keigo, do you know where the guest barracks are?" He nodded. "Good. If you could escort Ichigo there when you two are finished, I would appreciate it."

"Where are you going?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"I do have things to do, Ichigo." She raised a hand in farewell. "It was good to see you again, Asano-kun. Ichigo, I'll see you later."

She felt a pang as she left them behind. For all his complaints, she'd sensed a bond of friendship that still remained between the two men. Keigo, she had no doubt, would know how to talk to Ichigo even after all this time.

She used to think she always would, too. But while some things never changed, others did.

_A little over fifty years ago_

"What do you want to do now?"

"I have nothing in mind."

"Ah, come on. There has to be something better than just sitting around here."

"I am the guest, Ichigo. You are the one familiar with the area."

"There's not that much going on now. End of the weekend, people are recovering."

"Ah. Sounds like Eleventh division after one of their parties."

"Ugh, don't make me think of them now. Want to get something to eat?"

"Is it dinnertime already?"

"Time flies, I guess. Anyway, I could eat if you wanted to. Or not. I'm good for whatever."

"We would have to get up."

"Not necessarily. There's delivery."

"You would have to answer the door."

"Ah. True. So...no food then. Any other suggestions?"

"Well..." Rukia ran a finger down his side. "We could...again."

Ichigo paused to consider. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good."

Rukia smiled smugly and climbed on top of him, kissing his neck as her weight pressed him into the sheets. He responded eagerly, running his hands up her thighs. She was rather impressed with how quickly he'd adapted to sex. There was something to be said for positive reinforcement.

The two days they'd spent together had passed in a blur, for all that they hadn't done much. Or rather, their activities hadn't had much variety from an outsider's perspective. They'd spent hours in Ichigo's bed, not minding that its small size forced them to be close in order to fit on it...for a while, anyway. A university student's bed wasn't the most comfortable place Rukia had rested, but she'd been reluctant to leave it, despite the way the sheets would end up twisted around them from all the motion. Ichigo had seemed equally content until the loud gurgles of his empty stomach had prompted her to demand he eat—watching him faint of hunger would hardly be attractive. When they'd returned, the much-used bed seemed...less cozy, somehow, and they'd experimented with enjoying each other in other locations. His desk. The shower. Once, the floor. For once, fate had smiled on them—Ichigo's badge alerted them to only one hollow the whole time. She'd never seen him defeat one so quickly; she'd barely had time to draw her own sword!

She was learning all sorts of things about Ichigo that she'd never expected to know. She learned how he liked to be touched, the sounds he made when she found certain places like his hips, the tender spot just under the curve of his jaw, and one or two of the scars that ran down his chest. There was also the fact that for a recent virgin, he was pretty damn good in bed. He took her instruction well, and she supposed all that endurance training had paid off. She'd thoroughly enjoyed her visit, even if it meant she would walk awkwardly for a time. She couldn't recall the last time she'd come so frequently, much less from anything but her own hand.

Afterward, she watched him doze for a while, resisting the urge to touch his face. Finally, she rolled over and sat up, waking him in the process. "Eh? What's up?"

"I have to go back," she said quietly.

"What, right now? You just got here!"

She smiled. "I got here two days ago, Ichigo. Time goes by quickly. But I shouldn't take more time away from my duties."

He reached up to stroke her shoulder. "I bet Ukitake would give you more time off if you asked."

"And what reason would you have me give?"

"Oh." He made a face—the idiot still never thought more than five minutes into the future. "Good point. Well, I could come with you."

She shook her head. "I know you have other commitments. I've taken enough of your time as it is." She leaned down to kiss him. "It's been a wonderful weekend," she murmured. "But we both have things we must do."

"Will you come back soon?"

Her smile slipped away. "Ichigo..."

"Aa." He looked away, and her stomach flopped unpleasantly at the sight.

"It's not a matter of not wanting to," she said. "But I have many responsibilities. My time is not my own."

"Yeah, I got it. It's just...after almost killing you, you'd think they could cut you some slack."

"It is not that simple."

"Never is."

They dressed in silence. Ichigo had some trouble locating his boxers, which some time ago she had flung who knew where, and finally settled on pulling a new pair out of his bureau. Back in her uniform, she tried to straighten out her hair, but it was a lost cause after spending so much time pressed against Ichigo's pillow.

He walked with her to the window. She looked up at him. "Ichigo, I want to tell you..."

"Yeah?"

He looked so happy. Less scowly, anyway, which was almost the same thing. She hated herself for what she was about to say—in truth, it would have been better if this entire weekend had never happened. But they'd held back for years—if Ichigo's self-conscious admission after their first time was to be believed, then they'd both had these feelings for quite some time, even if they hadn't consciously acknowledged them. There was only so much temptation she could stand.

"I want to tell you…that you don't have to wait for me."

He blinked. "What?"

She huffed impatiently. "Do I need to use smaller words?"

"I guess. What do you mean, I don't have to wait?"

She struggled to find the words that would make sense to him. She sometimes forgot how young he was, but how could she forget that he would not see the consequences of their actions as she did? "I mean that you don't need to feel...obligated...to me after our time together. I did not plan it, and I cannot hold you to any promises because of it."

"So you're ravishing and running, huh? I feel so used." He smirked. She fought the desire to punch him in the arm, then decided she didn't have to and did it anyway.

"I'm saying you are young. You have a life here, one for which I am not and will not be around to participate in or even see. You'll have the chance to...date, do other things. I don't want you to hold back out of any sense of obligation towards me."

"Rukia, don't be an idiot." Before she could protest, he wrapped his arms around her. "After what we just did, you really think I want to run out and date some other girl?"

"No." She smiled, wishing she had his certainty. "But you will."

He dropped his arms from her waist. "So should we just say this is it, then? Forget what happened!"

"No, Ichigo, that's not what I said." She frowned. As if she could forget it. "I'm saying...I treasure this time we've spent together. I...would not be unhappy if it happened again. But in between, while I'm gone, you're free to do as you will."

"Yeah, whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Do I at least get a kiss goodbye?"

He did, and more. Rukia didn't bother to try and explain it to him further. Eventually, he would understand.

--

NEXT CHAPTER: "I need to tell you something."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: On going out with the boys, relationship confessions and the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

--

Ichigo was dead. In his much younger days, he'd thought that meant you went to a happy place, where you got to spend time with all your friends and with Mommy, and there had been a passing thought about endless candy. When he got older, he just wanted to see his mom again, though the idea of eternal rest with nobody hassling him about his hair had been a nice idea. Then he'd learned what really happened after death, and he'd had decades to get used to the idea that he wasn't going to get any kind of rest. Still, the reality was turning out to be a bigger pain in the ass than he'd anticipated.

Take this school thing, he thought as he walked out from a lecture. He'd been okay with the idea to start with. Aside from the hands-on experience of fighting the odd hollow over the years, it had been a very long time since he'd done anything shinigami-related. It would be good to stretch those muscles. He'd expected something along the lines of a refresher course, maybe some private training. He hadn't expected to be thrown into a class that could have been accurately titled "Kidou for Dummies."

The teacher—Kagura-_sensei_, a lump on the back of his head reminded him—was strict, too. "I understand you're to be captain, Kurosaki," she'd said without even the hint of a smile. "And of course I will pay you the respect that is due when the time comes. But here and now, in my classroom, I can't treat you differently from any other freshman. Sit down."

Even more embarrassing, Keigo was in a more advanced class for this subject. Ichigo hadn't even managed to do anything yet, beyond memorizing a bunch of crappy poetry—spells, whatever—and exploding his textbook. Twice. He'd looked at that as progress. At least something had happened, right? Kagura-sensei had not shared this view.

At least the swordplay class had been easier. Armsmaster Hiroshi, a man with one eye, eight fingers and more scars than Ichigo could count, had laughed and reassured him that bankai more than served to test him out of all associated courses. He just needed to observe, see how the upcoming shinigami were taught, and maybe pick out a likely candidate or two for his division.

But this being the advanced class, most of the students had taken one look at his unsealed zanpakutou and grinned. Ichigo found himself being dragged into the practice matches by the end of the first day.

First one, then two, then half the class was fighting him all at once. Advanced or not, they were still nothing compared to any average seated shinigami, and Ichigo hadn't had trouble. He had worked up a sweat deflecting their blows, though, and he'd had fun doing it. Hiroshi had sent him away with a standing invitation to return whenever he liked, and Ichigo had a feeling he'd just been drafted as the class T.A.

So school was a mix of okay and annoying. What was more annoying was the fact that he couldn't seem to pin down his original shinigami teacher to tell her about it. Rukia had seemed suspiciously busy since he'd settled in, like she was trying to blow him off. Maybe it was a vice-captain thing. Whenever he stopped in to talk to her, if she was at the office at all, she'd smile, listen to whatever he had to say about his day, say nothing about her own, then excuse herself to get work done. He didn't even know where her private quarters were. It was really starting to bug him.

It wasn't like he didn't have plenty to keep himself busy, though. He still had ten of the thirteen divisions to visit. He really wasn't looking forward to his day with the sixth.

"Oi, Ichigo!" He turned to see Ikkaku trotting towards him, a grin on his face.

"Yo." He raised a hand in greeting. "What's up?"

"Just came to see if you're done for the day. HEY. What are you looking at?" Ikkaku glared at a passing freshman, who squeaked and ran. "Man. They get smaller every year, I swear. You got plans tonight?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Not really."

"Well, you do now. You, me, Hisagi, Renji, Yumi—we're going drinking."

That sounded like better evening recreation than the absolutely nothing he had planned. "Sounds good." Ichigo grinned. "You sure you should be taking an impressionable student, though?"

"Don't be a pussy." Ikkaku punched him in the shoulder. "Be ready in an hour or we're starting without you." He looked back over his shoulder and grinned as he took off.

By the time they met up, Ichigo was even readier for a drink. "You're sure it's okay I come?" Keigo asked nervously. "I'm just a student still..."

"So?" Ichigo said. "You're a grown man, too. Besides, I say it's okay. That's like permission from a captain."

"I'm still not sure it's fair you get to go through the Academy so fast," Keigo said. "Homework isn't any more fun now than when we were kids."

"Tell you what. In your next life, you get stabbed through the heart and fight a war before you're seventeen, and the job is yours." He nodded as Ikkaku and Yumichika walked up. "Yo."

"Hey!" Keigo burst out, staring at Ikkaku. "It's you!"

"It's me what?" he said.

"You're the one who stayed with us all those years ago! You invaded my house! You took my bed! Before the war!"

"No idea what you're talking about, kid. That was a long time ago. Come on, let's get to the bar." Ikkaku slung an arm around Keigo's shoulders and dragged him on. "How's your sister?"

The Rukongai bar where they ended up reminded Ichigo, strangely enough, of one of his favorites from med school. Lively, with plenty of food and drink and barrels of laughter from other tables, but not so loud or crazy you couldn't have a conversation.

"Bartender!" Ikkaku barked when they found a place in the corner. "Bring us some beers."

"And sake," Yumichika added.

"—and sake, and keep em coming!" He settled back and grinned at Ichigo. "This is the only time I'm ever treating for a night, so you better appreciate it."

"Don't mind him," Yumichika said. "He's just feeling magnanimous because he won at cards the other night."

"I kicked _ass_ is what I did."

"Remind me never to go up against you," Ichigo said, nodding at the barmaid as she brought their drinks. He took a swig. "Damn, that's good. Haven't had one of these in a while."

"You should be grateful we snuck you off campus, young students." Yumichika smiled.

Keigo grinned back and gulped his beer. "Thanks," he said earnestly. "They've got too many rules at the Academy. We're not supposed to drink a lot—the teachers say it dulls our performance."

Ikkaku snorted. "That's bullshit. I do better when I'm hung over. Gives you more fuel to give a beatdown and take it out on someone else."

"I'll remember." Keigo looked skeptical.

"You do that, kid. But Ichigo! When the hell are you gonna stop pussyfooting around there and join the ranks?"

"Spare me." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just brushing up on shit and you know it."

"In any case, it's the fastest acceleration to captain in history," Yumichika said. "It even beats Hitsugaya's record."

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only academy student with bankai, that's for damn sure," he said. "I'm just glad they didn't want to try and make me do the full course load. I'd go nuts."

"Just be glad you finally kicked it," Ikkaku said. "I dunno how you could stand to get that old, dude."

Ichigo shrugged. "Passed the time. Hey, where's Renji and everyone?"

"Here." His voice boomed over Ichigo's shoulder, and he turned to see Renji, Iba and Hisagi. "Yo. Nice to see you waited, Ikkaku."

"Beer waits for no man."

"Yeah, whatever." He squinted at Keigo for a moment, as if wondering what a student was doing there, but just shrugged. "Shove over, kid."

"You didn't miss anything," Yumichika said. "Ikkaku was simply interrogating the new captain-to-be on his days at the academy."

"Yeah, how is that going?" Iba grinned. "Shit, I don't know if I could go back to the academy."

"I've never gone before, it's not like I'm being held back," Ichigo grumbled. "And I'm not there every day. I've been spending time out with the divisions, too."

"That's right, your trip around the Gotei 13." Ikkaku smirked. "Probably hoping people'll rub off on you enough to make you a more conventional captain."

"We have those?" Iba asked.

"My point is Ichigo's always going to be a freak since he couldn't do anything in the right order," Ikkaku said.

"Gee, thanks."

"Be proud, man. I say fuck em," declared Ikkaku. "Tell old man Yamamoto to stuff his goodwill tour down his throat and take up your spot right now. Do things your way."

"You in that much in a hurry to get rid of me?" Hisagi asked.

"You're not going that far. You can still kick Ichigo's ass if he fucks up your division."

"Damn right." Hisagi nodded. "But I think you're being too tough on General Yamamoto. He's just trying to give Ichigo some help. It's better than starting up in post-war chaos like we did, right Renji?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"He's changed some," he continued. "Things aren't like they were in the old days."

"He did reach out to the vaizards after the war," Yumichika pointed out, and turned to Ichigo. "Whatever happened to them? Did you keep in touch?"

Ichigo shrugged uncomfortably. "Not really," he said. "They went off to do their own thing and I stayed behind. Didn't have much of a reason to get together once all the fighting was done." That was a memory he was never sure how he felt about. The appearance of the motley crew had heralded only trouble in his life, but they _had_ helped him when he'd needed them, and Hirako had looked genuinely regretful behind his cocky grin as he'd waved goodbye for the last time. At the time, Ichigo had hoped they'd accept Yamamoto's offer of amnesty, even as he had the sneaking suspicion the old man had made it only because he knew they wouldn't. "Guess I didn't fit into their club once I solved my problem."

"What can you do? Keeping a hollow in you, that's bullshit," Ikkaku said. "I never understood them."

"Who did?" Yumichika finished his dish of sake and poured another. "So, Ichigo. How is your little learning experience going? Did Captain Soi Fong have much wisdom to impart?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Gimme another drink before I start on that," he said.

The beer flowed along with the conversation as they caught up. Truth be told, Ichigo hadn't really minded going along with Yamamoto's plans so far. As much as he'd learned about Soul Society from storming it as a teenager, the others seemed to forget that he still lacked the daily life experience of living there. Some things that they took for granted, he had no clue about.

Like taking up a captaincy. After spending a day with Yamamoto—and that had still been a little awkward, even after decades to calm the anger he'd once felt towards the man—he'd come away with the feeling that being a captain involved lots of posturing about honor and leadership and piles and piles of paperwork. For a man who'd survived over two thousand years at the highest rank in a group of deadly fighters, Yamamoto spent a lot of time signing things.

His day with the second division hadn't been much better. Soi Fong had looked distinctly irritated at having him shadow her all day. She'd answered his questions, but always with short, clipped answers. It especially didn't help that half the things he asked about were, according to her, "classified information." Her vice-captain, some woman Ichigo didn't remember seeing before, was less prickly but busy with her own work. He hadn't come away feeling like he'd learned much.

Then there had been meeting with Hisagi himself to go over how he ran things in the fifth and getting ready for the transfer in leadership, but that would take far more than just one day. Hisagi had been patient enough to make Ichigo feel a little steadier, but he was still glad he had some time before he had to take over and potentially fall on his face. It was nice to relax with these guys.

There was one thing that was bugging him, though. As the evening went on, even Keigo seemed more at ease hanging out with a bunch of officers who severely outranked him, but Renji, who had never been anything but loud in the time Ichigo had known him, was keeping fairly quiet. He wasn't a wall of silence, but he was mostly listening to other people's stories and snickering at Ikkaku's, and not offering up much himself.

"Hey." He elbowed Ikkaku later, when Hisagi, Renji and Yumichika had succumbed to the trials of too much liquid and gone to take a piss; a very drunk Iba had proclaimed himself Keigo's new mentor and dragged him off to hit on barmaids. "Something bugging Renji?"

For an instant, Ikkaku looked uncertain before composing himself and giving a non-committal shrug. "Dunno. Why you ask?"

"He just seems quiet," he said. "I know I've been gone a while, but him shutting up is new to me."

"Eh, you're just imagining things." Ikkaku grinned. "Captains gotta have manners, you know."

"And that's why you never wanted the job?"

"Got it in one." He took another swig of beer. "So, you've been back for a bit. Seen Kuchiki much?"

"Rukia?" He frowned. "A little. She's been pretty busy lately, though. But she is a vice-captain now."

"You guys were pretty tight back in the day, right?"

"Yeah," he answered quietly. "Once."

"Not now?"

"No. Not now." He set his half-empty glass down. "I think I'm gonna get going."

"I hit a nerve or something?" Ikkaku asked. "Sorry, man. But you don't have to go. Everyone's getting stupid drunk enough that a fight'll break out sooner or later. That's the fun part."

"Nah." Ichigo waved a hand. "It's all right. Doesn't bug me. But I've got an early day tomorrow, and I don't want to be hungover. Say goodnight to everyone for me."

"If you say so. Later."

The streets of Seireitei were quiet as he walked back to his quarters—slowly, because he still only sort of knew his way around. He got his bearings as he approached the fifth division headquarters. That was a good sign; if they were soon to be his, it'd be helpful to know where the heck they were. He squinted at a light in the window of the main office and headed that way.

Hinamori sat at her desk, scribbling away at some report. He hesitated in the doorway, but she looked up at the sound of his footsteps. "Hey," he said. "Uh, sorry if I interrupted you."

"It's no problem." She smiled politely. "I'm here late a lot these days. Now's as good a time as any to take a break." She stretched her arms out, turning her neck from side to side to work out the kinks.

"Oh. This what I've got to look forward to, then?" He looked at the stacks of paper that surrounded her.

She shook her head. "It's just the transition," she said. "Captain Hisagi has a lot to deal with, moving up to the Central 46, and you have your own studies to think about. Don't worry, I can handle it."

"Okay," he said, feeling a little stupid. Hinamori had been there when Hisagi had showed him around the division, but they hadn't really talked much. Now he wasn't at all sure what to say. It didn't exactly bode well for them working together.

It wasn't that he didn't like Hinamori. Hell, he didn't even know her, how could he dislike her? He'd been surprised to hear that she would be his vice-captain. He hadn't kept up on all the details of what was going on in Seireitei after the war—months of recovery and then school had occupied him—but the girl he remembered from the final battle had seemed broken and confused, barely able to accept what a fucker Aizen really was long after everyone else had. He would never have expected her to take any kind of command again. But here she was.

She looked different from the Hinamori he recalled—calmer and quieter, no longer looking like she'd fall apart at the seams. The cute bun he remembered had been replaced with a neat braid down her back.

"What are you doing back here so late?" She asked. He could see the long, thin scar that ran down her cheek as she turned to face him.

"Just felt like taking a walk," he said. "Still figuring my way around this place."

"I'm surprised you're not out with the others still," she said, smiling. "I remember when Hisagi was made captain. They were hung over for days."

"Uh huh." He fidgeted. This wasn't really a topic he wanted to go into—it brought up memories of the captain Hisagi had replaced, and how she'd felt about Aizen—but he wasn't sure how to get out of it. "I'm surprised he's leaving. Seems like he has a pretty good thing going here."

Her face grew serious. "It was Captain Tousen," she said. "He made Hisagi believe so strongly in the importance of justice, and then after what he did...I think he wants to find his own kind of justice. Joining the Central 46 is one way to do that."

"I guess that makes sense."

Her eyes were far away for a moment before she looked at him again. "Am I making you nervous, Kurosaki-san?"

"Well...not really, I mean..."

"It's all right," she said. "I did work with Captain Aizen."

"And I killed him."

"You weren't alone," she said quietly.

"Yeah. I guess not," he said. "But it's really not you. Or not just you," he admitted. "I'm still trying to figure out where I fit around here."

"Soul Society isn't what you expected it to be?"

He shook his head. "Nope," he said. "Not sure what I expected it to be, but...no."

"I know what it's like to be an outsider," she said. "After the war...it took a long time for everyone to recover. Me especially. I believed in Captain Aizen so much. As much as Hisagi believed in Captain Tousen. More. I kept believing in him even after the truth came out. That's what you're supposed to do for the ones you love, isn't it?"

Ichigo could only nod.

"When I returned to my position, people were...strange," she said. "I know not everyone trusted me. I wouldn't have trusted me, either."

"So how'd you deal?"

"Time," she said. "That's the only thing that could do it," she said. "You'll find your place. Just wait."

"I guess I have plenty of it," he said. "And I still have to get through some classes."

She smiled, and he felt some of the tension drain from the room. "I can't believe they asked you to do that. How are they going?"

"I blew up my textbook the other day," he said. "Kidou ain't my thing."

She made a face. "Don't say that," she said. "You can learn. It just takes a lot of practice. I can help you."

"Really?"

"Of course." She nodded. "Especially if we're going to be a team. Please, stop by anytime. We can work on your kidou, and I can introduce you to a captain's paperwork. " She stretched again. "But right now I think it's time for me to put this away and get some sleep. Good night."

He wasn't sure how late it was when he left the Fifth division and again tried to point himself towards home, but he felt more awake—lighter, somehow. He still didn't know quite what he was doing.

But it was a start.

_A little under fifty years ago_

The day after his graduation party, Ichigo swept through his apartment, cleaning up all the debris. He was going to have to move soon, and getting rid of the mess would make it easier to pack. When he was done, he opened his window for when Rukia arrived. It was a silly gesture, since she could just walk through the wall if she wanted, but it seemed rude not to do it.

He sat down with a book he wasn't really reading and waited for her. Then waited some more. After a while, he threw the book down and went to make an omelette. Food was good, even if his stomach was jumping around like crazy. Food might settle it.

The sound of egg frying was enough to drown out Rukia's light steps, so the first clue he had about her arrival was the prick of his senses in response to her approaching reiatsu, followed by the touch of her arm as she slid it around his waist. "Hi."

He glanced back at her. "Little late, aren't you?"

"Unexpected hollow attack. It couldn't be helped," she said.

"This ain't your district."

"I know, but I was in the right place at the right time. There is no point in waiting for the local shinigami if I can be more efficient." She smirked. "And you're done with school now. What do you have to do that a few minutes' lateness would affect?"

"Nothing, I guess." He poked at the omelette with his spatula. "Nothing until med school starts. Pops keep saying to enjoy the time off before the, quote, true test of manly endurance, unquote, begins."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for your graduation ceremony," she said, sounding more serious. "Our division has been quite busy lately, and Captain Ukitake has been ill again."

"Not your fault." He shrugged. "You're a seated officer now. You've got important things to do. That's a good thing."

"I think so," she said. Through peripheral vision, he saw her looking at him curiously. "Ichigo, what is wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just hungry."

"Liar." She jabbed him in the ribs, prompting a yelp. "You think I can't tell by now? Tell me."

"Okay, okay." He switched off the skillet to make sure the food wouldn't burn. "Sit down."

She frowned, but allowed him to take her hand and lead her out of the kitchenette to his couch. He sat there, silent for a long moment before she attempted to jab him again but was intercepted by his hand. "Stop that!"

"Then talk!"

"I will! Just give me a minute!"

She folded her arms over her chest. "Take your minute."

"Yeah." He leaned on his knees. "Rukia, I need to tell you something."

"Go ahead."

"There was this thing a couple weeks ago," he said. "Mizuiro's girlfriend came to visit for graduation, and you know how his girls always travel in herds. And they wanted to go out and do some celebrating, but this one friend of hers didn't know anyone, so they came to drag me along and," he took a breath, "I kinda went on a date with her."

Silence.

"Nothing happened." He rushed to fill it. "I mean, she was cute and everything, but we've got our thing—whatever it is—and I wouldn't do that to you. I didn't even want to go on the stupid thing, but—are you listening?"

She was looking down, her hair falling in her face so he couldn't read her expression. When she looked up, she was biting her lip, and his stomach twisted painfully. "Rukia, I'm sor—"

She started to laugh. "Is that all?"

"All?" He repeated incredulously. Like it hadn't tied his stomach up in knots just to say it—

"Ichigo, you idiot." She shook her head and surprised him by jumping into his lap. "I told you this would happen," she said gently. "You made a choice—a good one—to live your human life. I cannot be around as much as you deserve. There is no reason you should not go out with your friends—and girls—just because I am not here."

"And I told you that didn't matter to me," he pointed out. "And it wasn't much of a date anyway. I just thought, you know, you should be aware. Because I'm not trying to hide anything from you."

She wiggled against his lap to make herself more comfortable and pressed her lips to his chin and he felt his ability to speak coherently drain away. "Did she try to kiss you?"

"Uh..." He tried to think past the speech-block that was warm Rukia mouth. "I think...she wanted to. But I just said goodnight."

"Mmhm."

She moved her mouth to his neck before he shoved her away to look her in the eyes. "This doesn't bother you at all?"

"You said it wasn't much of a date."

"You know what I mean, Rukia."

She sighed. "You mean, do I want to think of you with other women? No, not particularly." She leaned in close. "But we've had this discussion. We are from different worlds, and I'm not about to ask more from you than you can give."

"And I still say you're a moron," he said, stroking her hair.

"Be honest, Ichigo. You'd be happier with a girlfriend who could be around for the important occasions—graduations, weddings. Weekday dinners even."

"I'm happy with you."

She said nothing, just smiled and kissed him. He kissed back and was just starting to get into it when she pulled away just far enough to speak. "Ichigo, I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"If you do meet someone," she started, and pressed her hand over his mouth when he started to protest, "If you meet someone you truly care for, I want you to promise not to hold back. Just...be honest."

He stared at her. "Rukia..."

"Promise me."

"Okay, I promise," he said. "Even if I don't expect it to happen." His stomach still felt jumpy. Even after a few years, she still didn't seem to get that he couldn't just flip his feelings on and off like a switch. He couldn't just be normal, whatever that was.

There were words on the edge of his tongue, ones he couldn't quite identify but felt, all the same, that he needed to say—but the unsettled feeling was too strong. Instead he pulled her close again and neither of them spoke for a long time.

--

NEXT CHAPTER: "Why do I know so many stupid people who insist on being stoic all the time? There are simpler options, you know. You could just tell him you still have feelings for him."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four: On difficult conversations, unsolicited advice and things that end.

--

As much as Rukia respected and cared for her captain, she had to admit that being his vice-captain could be very difficult on days that Ukitake's sickness kept him bedridden. It wasn't that she minded the extra work, of course. She was no slacker, and years of working with him had produced a system that made for an easy transition when she had to take up Captain Ukitake's work. Occasionally, she wondered how her tenure as vice-captain could ever live up to Kaien-dono's, but in the end, her own abilities seemed to be enough. The captain was satisfied and the division ran efficiently. She really was happy to do whatever was required when the captain was ill. It was just that Sentaro and Kiyone were so _loud_ when Ukitake was out.

"Puny girl! I'll make MUCH better chicken broth for the captain!"

"Stupid oaf, this is my healing recipe! Get your own!"

Rukia pushed her chair back from her desk with a sigh. "I'm going to take this paperwork to the eighth."

"Eh?" Sentaro looked up from where he was struggling to get out of Kiyone's headlock. "But Kuchiki-san, I was just going to do that after I delivered the broth to the captain!"

"Liar!" Kiyone released him, but stomped on his foot. "I was going to run Captain's errand and take him his broth!"

"Never mind." She waved a hand. "_Both_ of you make some for him; I'm sure he'll appreciate the extra. I'll take care of this. It's not a problem." She was tempted to use shunpo to escape but managed to restrict herself to a brisk walk, slowing only once she was out of earshot.

It still didn't take long to reach the eight division's main office, but maybe if she walked the long way back they would be done shouting at each other when she returned. "Captain Kyouraku, I have these forms for you—oh. Hello. I didn't realize you would be here."

"Hey." Ichigo raised a hand in greeting.

"Rukia-san!" Kyouraku practically chortled. "Welcome, welcome. Kurosaki here is just visiting our division to learn everything he can. Yama-ji was so wise to send him to me."

Rukia avoided looking at Ichigo's reaction to that statement. "I've got something for you, sir," she said. "Since Captain Ukitake is resting today." She held out the sheaf of papers.

Kyouraku grimaced. "More paperwork. Of course he sends it to me now, when he's not here for me to argue with about it." He sighed dramatically. "I'll just put these away. Kurosaki, you can join me in a few minutes after you've had a chance to chat with Rukia-chan."

She hesitated. "Actually, sir, I need to—"

"See you later, Rukia-chan!" She blinked. Had he winked at her before sashaying away?

"Sorry," Ichigo said, looking embarrassed. "If you need to be somewhere, feel free to take off."

"That's all right," she said, taking a step closer to him. He was a friend; sparing a few minutes for conversation with him should be more important than paperwork. "I have nothing pressing. And I haven't seen you recently. How is your orientation coming along?"

"Heh. That what they're calling it?" he said. "It's all right, I guess. The sixth year swordplay class likes taking me on all at once. It's kinda fun."

"I see." She smiled politely. "And the others?"

"It's been almost a week since I blew up anything in kidou. Anything I wasn't supposed to, anyway."

"Ichigo!" She couldn't help but laugh. "I don't know why that should surprise me. You've stormed the gates of heaven, but you can't use that power to master a few beginner's spells? It shouldn't be that difficult for someone of your power."

"Well, they're rushing me through all this!"

"I'm sure that's the only reason." She felt herself relax. Perhaps this would be easier than she'd anticipated. "You know, if you require outside assistance—"

"I can get a tutor, I know," he said. "But how would that look for a captain? They don't make Kenpachi take kidou class, you know." He made a face at the mental image, then slipped into a grin. "But it's okay. Hinamori's helping me out."

"…oh. That's good," she said. "Hinamori is...very good at kidou."

"She helped me stop the explosions," he said. "And if we're going to run a division we need to get along. Might as well start now."

"I suppose that's true," she said, not sure what else to say. Hinamori was a master at kidou and it was good that he'd begun forging a relationship with his future vice-captain, but there was something discomforting about Ichigo relying on another shinigami's guidance, even if it had been decades since she herself had been his mentor.

"Speaking of which," he said. "Isn't there something you're not telling me?"

Despite herself, Rukia felt her heartbeat speed up. "Oh?"

"Yeah 'oh.' I wanted to ask—while we're talking about vice-captains, why did you never tell me you were one?"

He looked—almost hurt. Confused. "It did not seem relevant."

"Bullshit," he scoffed. "It had to be a big deal. It took how long just to get your brother to stop hovering and let you be seated?"

She glared. "He had his reasons," she snapped. "And he allowed my abilities to be judged fairly years ago. My promotion to vice-captain was not a sudden occurrence."

"You know what I mean," he said. "Even if I was getting pretty decrepit these last couple years, I still would've liked to hear about it. You could have stopped by."

"It has been longer than that." She looked away.

"Ah," he said. "So you could've said something and you just didn't?"

What had they even spoken of on the occasions she'd gone to the living world these last few decades? How his family was. What Hollows she had fought. Meaningless things. "I didn't think it mattered to you."

He was quiet for a long moment, watching her with disbelieving eyes. She couldn't read his full expression—was he angry that she'd think such a thing? Or was it just surprise?—but his fists were clenched tightly and he held himself oddly still. Rukia found herself stiffening in anticipation of possible angry words, at the same time feeling she might welcome them.

"Well, congratulations," he said at last. "You earned it."

"Thank you," she said, not sure what else to say or where to look. "I should get back to my division."

"Yeah, of course," he nodded. "Uh—take care."

She sighed as she left the offices, not feeling any better now that she was away from his gaze. "Stupid," she muttered.

Small talk. It shouldn't be that difficult, and maybe it wouldn't be...if Ichigo didn't have the ability to look at her and make her feel like he could see right through her, even after all this time.

She made her way back to the thirteenth division offices slowly, by a roundabout route that took her near the headquarters of the ninth. Somehow, she wasn't surprised when Renji came around the corner to meet her. "Yo."

"Hello." She nodded at him. "Shouldn't you be busy working, Captain Abarai?"

"As busy as you, Vice-Captain Kuchiki." He shrugged. "Felt you coming. Needed a break. I can let you go if you gotta be somewhere."

"Not really." She shook her head. "Sentaro and Kiyone should have things taken care of."

"Uh huh." He leaned against the wall. "How you doing? You've been pretty busy lately—"

"Captain Ukitake has been sick—"

"—almost like you're making yourself busy so you won't have much free time."

"And by that you mean what, precisely?" She could've left, but there was no point in evading Renji when he was determined to talk about something.

He shrugged again and took a spot beside her. "Seen Ichigo lately?"

"Yes." She narrowed her eyes. "Just now, in fact."

"I figured," he said, not sounding happy to be right. More like resigned. "The way you look."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?" Renji wasn't even looking at her.

He sighed. "You should talk to him, Rukia."

"About what?"

"You know what."

She winced. "We have had this conversation already, Renji."

"I know, I know." He held up his hands. "I'm just saying."

"You know how I feel about it."

"I do. Better than you do, I think," he said, a note of frustration in his voice. "Look, I don't want to stick my nose in. It ain't exactly easy for me! I just don't like seeing you unhappy."

"I know," she said. "But I'm fine. And it's not something you should trouble yourself over."

He looked skeptical. "If you say so. Anyway, Rangiku was here earlier. She wanted me to remind you if I saw you that you promised not to miss the Women's Association meeting tonight."

She bit back a curse. "I don't suppose I have a choice about this, do I?"

"Probably not." He shook his head. "You know her. She'll drag you if she has to. I dunno what it is you do at these things that make 'em so important."

"If I told you, Matsumoto would kill me," she said. "Or you. Or both of us. In any case, I should return to finish my work since I won't be able to stay late tonight. I'll see you later."

Even though she'd long since grown used to the Shinigami Women's Association meetings, they were hardly her favorite thing and in truth, she probably _would_ have forgotten without Renji's reminder—which Matsumoto no doubt knew. She also had to know that, once reminded, Rukia's sense of responsibility would not allow her to skip the meeting. Rukia really hated that about herself sometimes.

And so it came to pass that she found herself entering the room they used for their meetings at the same time as Yukino Tanabe, vice-captain of the 7th these past three years.

"Rukia-san!" The younger woman grinned at her. "Ready for the meeting?"

"Hello, Tanabe-san," she said. "I suppose."

"I am," Tanabe said. "I have a few things I want to bring up. I'm so glad we have these meetings, aren't you?"

"They can certainly be handy," Rukia said carefully, trying not to reveal her reluctance to even be there. Despite the woman's distinguished record as a shinigami and her prowess with a blade, Tanabe sometimes struck Rukia as being still young and impressionable. She also seemed to look up to Rukia as a role model, having started out in the thirteenth; something Rukia wished she could discourage. "Why don't we find our seats?" she suggested.

Soon they were all assembled, with Nanao officiating, despite Yachiru's technical role of president. Rukia paid little attention through the reading of the previous meeting's minutes (approved), Vice-Captain Kusajishi's request for an increase in the candy budget for the annual year-end party (denied) and the other usual opening nonsense. It wasn't until Nanao's listing of the final item on the agenda that sat up and began to listen.

"And now there's the matter of Captain-Elect Kurosaki's induction party, which is to take place immediately following—"

"What?" Rukia looked up. "His what?"

Nanao pushed her glasses up her nose in a gesture of annoyance at the disruption of her routine. "His party," she said. "It's traditional after a captain's induction. Surely you haven't forgotten."

"Ah," she said. "No...no, I haven't." She hadn't, but she also hadn't given it much—any—thought. "But why are we planning it?"

"We're not," Nanao replied. "At least, not the whole thing. But Captain Kyoraku expressed interest in taking charge, and—well, I just thought it would be better that we create a plan to present to him so he does not offer his own."

"I have to agree," piped up Isane. "No disrespect to the captain intended, of course, but on some nights I can still feel the effects of the last party he planned."

Rukia smiled for a moment, despite her own wince-inducing memories of the night in question. "Yes, I see your point."

"Indeed." Nanao checked something off on the sheet she held. "I suppose we'll just arrange for the standard festivities, then?"

"Whatever," Soi Fong said, looking bored.

"Let's not make it too dull," Matsumoto protested. "It's supposed to be a party. It has to have some life." Kiyone nodded enthusiastically.

"I suppose you have suggestions, then?" Nanao said.

Yachiru kicked her feet back and forth in her chair. "Ken-chan says every good party has a good fight."

"I don't think that would be appropriate," Isane said, looking doubtful. "And Captain Unohana wouldn't be able to enjoy herself if she were on duty."

"Well, what's he like?" Tanabe asked. "Rukia-san, you know, don't you?"

"Me?" Rukia blinked, caught off guard for the second time. "I..."

"You know him the best, don't you? That's what they say." She rested her chin in her hands. "To tell the truth, I'm terribly curious. To become a captain so soon—that's just incredible."

Rukia looked at the younger vice-captain and wondered what she had heard. She had only been a student at the Academy during the time of Aizen's war and hadn't been in any of the battles, much less been privy to the details. After so many years, she supposed it only made sense that the events that had taken place, and Ichigo's role in them, had become rumor and legend among the shinigami who could only gossip and speculate instead of reminisce.

"It is," she said quietly. "Incredible."

"So what is he like?" Tanabe persisted. "What kind of party would he want?"

"Well..." Rukia flailed for words. What could she say? That the last party she had attended with Ichigo had been a living world hospital staff party during his residency, one they'd left early in favor of his bed because she was due back in Soul Society in a matter of hours? "I don't really know."

"Really? But I was told you fought quite closely beside him during the war. They used to tell stories. Back in the academy, they said he slew a hundred hollows with just one attack." She turned pink. "Though I'm certain that was exaggerated. Still—I've really wanted to meet him, but he hasn't been to our division yet."

"Rumors generally do become inflated with time," Rukia said. "And I'm sure he'll make his scheduled visit soon."

"I hope so." Tanabe grinned. "Is it true he never smiles and only scowls harder after a victory?"

"Er…not…not _exactly_ true..." It wasn't; but the details of his rare, non-battle-maddened smiles and the way they made her stomach do flips were not something she wished to share.

"Oh?"

"Oh, you know, Yukino-chan," Matsumoto interrupted loudly. "The young heroic types are all false modesty and solemn faces. Just like my captain. But get some drink in them and they'll loosen up fine! We just need some good sake at the new captain's party."

"But not too much, Matsumoto," Nanao said sternly.

"You always say that, Nanao, and I always change your mind."

"I should hardly think—"

Rukia let out a breath and let the ensuing argument wash over her. It wasn't Tanabe's fault, she reminded herself. She hadn't been around in those days, so it was normal for her to be curious. The same upheaval would likely occur when the other human veterans of the war came to Soul Society. And Rukia had known Ichigo better than anyone. Who else would the girl question?

"Rukia-san?" Kiyone touched her arms as everyone stood and began to filter out. Her sister stood beside her. "Would you like to join Isane and me for a drink? There's a quiet bar in west second she's been wanting to try."

She hid a smile at the association of Kiyone with anything involving the word 'quiet.' "Thank you, but I'm feeling rather tired tonight," she said. "Another time, perhaps?"

The sisters exchanged a glance. "All right," Kiyone said. "See you in the morning, then!"

Rukia made sure she was the last person to leave—easier to avoid well-meaning people who wouldn't understand her sudden desire for solitude. So it was only through iron self-control that she didn't jump when a voice came out of the shadows. "Ne, Rukia, you all right?"

She whipped around to see Matsumoto. How did the woman blend in with the scenery so well, with her stature? Perhaps it had something to do with how she always seemed to know the current gossip before anyone else. "I am well," she managed. "I thought after the meeting you'd be out with—"

"Nah," Matsumoto cut her off. "Well, maybe later. The night is young! But I wanted to make sure you were okay first."

"I appreciate the concern, but why wouldn't I be?"

Rangiku smirked. "Don't hand me that. Yukino might be too green to realize, but I'm not," she said. "It's okay to be rattled by seeing an ex. Trust me. I know."

She ducked her head. "I don't know what you're talking about." She was startled when the other vice-captain responded by clapping an arm around her shoulders and dragging her away.

"Ha! If you can say that with a straight face, it just means you haven't had enough to drink," she said. "And don't hand me that 'tired' crap."

Rukia stumbled, trying not to match the sudden change in pace. "If you're looking for a drinking partner, I'm sure Captain Kyouraku would oblige—"

"No way! This is about female solidarity." Matsumoto paused. "Not that you have to talk to me. But you should at least talk to someone if you want to avoid more awkward moments. Tonight won't be the last time someone asks you about him."

Rukia opened her mouth to respond, then sighed and closed it. Once upon a time, she'd thought Matsumoto to be little more than another party hound—as if the Gotei Thirteen didn't have enough of them already. Since getting to know her better, though, she'd learned that the woman's sharp insight could cut. "It doesn't matter. I will just have to...adjust."

"Uh huh. Why?"

"Because I cannot expect anyone else to do it for me," she said stiffly.

"No, no." Matsumoto shook her head. "Why do I know so many stupid people who insist on being stoic all the time? There are simpler options, you know. You could just tell him you still have feelings for him."

She stopped dead. "I...no. I cannot."

"Because you don't have them? Or because you don't want to?"

"Why do I know so many people interested in telling me how to run my relationships?" she muttered.

"Just giving some friendly advice!" Matsumoto beamed. "You can't fool me. Besides, you owe me for jumping in and getting Vice-Captain Nosy off your back."

"Ah. So that was intentional."

"Of course it was. I know you Kuchiki like to keep your walls up, but Rukia, we could all see it on your face. Would it really be so bad to at least talk to him?"

She hesitated. "It has been too long," she said at last. "So much has happened to both of us. I may not even know who he is anymore."

"What better time to learn?"

For a moment, she was tempted. After all this time, she could still recall with crystal clarity how he'd once looked at her. To think of him looking at her that way again…

But how could she possibly expect he would? Ichigo's life had changed in far greater ways than hers had.

Matsumoto must have seen something in her face. "You don't have to run into his arms declaring your undying love. Just talk to him. At the very least, you might find a way to be friends again without dancing around each other like a pair of nervous virgins," she urged. "If he's an ass, you can always hit him."

Rukia laughed, and if there was a touch of bitterness in it, she chose to ignore it. "I suppose that has been rather useful for him in the past."

"It works more often than you'd think."

"Still...I shouldn't burden him with my feelings," she hedged.

Matsumoto shoved her gently. "When it's someone you care about, they aren't a burden," she said. "And everybody knows he really cared for you. Just try talking to him."

"I...maybe," she said. "Maybe I could."

Matsumoto cheered. "Go, Rukia! Get your man!"

She shook her head. "Thank you, Matsumoto," she said. "Of all people, you shouldn't need to concern yourself with this."

"If it gets someone else laid, I'm happy to do what I can," she replied, grinning. "And we're friends. Now go!"

Rukia felt somewhat lighter on her feet as she headed toward Ichigo's quarters. No matter what Matsumoto said, she was not going to—to proposition Ichigo. She had too much dignity for that. But even if it was impossible to regain what they'd once had—if they could just talk again like they used to, that might be enough for her.

Ichigo wasn't home. She could tell even as she knocked on his door. His reiatsu was more controlled than it had been as a teenager—it no longer saturated the environment—but it was still quite distinct, and she didn't feel it.

She hesitated. It made as much sense to come back tomorrow as to keep looking for him now, but she wasn't sure how long this boost in bravery would last, and there was at least one more place he was likely to be.

It was easy to follow the noises inside the fifth division to where its only remaining occupants were.

"—truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws!" The sound of a small explosion followed.

"Okay. At least I got near the target that time," Ichigo was bitching as she peeked through the doorway of the training room. "I still think it's the crappy poetry that's making me miss. How can you expect me to concentrate when I feel like a moron just saying the incantation?"

Hinamori laughed and patted his shoulder. "You're doing better than you think. But you must learn to aim, or it won't be any use to you in battle!"

"Not like I'm likely to use it there anyway," he grumbled, getting back into stance. "Long as I have Zangetsu—oh. Rukia!" He blinked in surprise as he noticed her presence. "What are you doing here?"

Hinamori clapped her hands over her mouth as Rukia fished for a response. "Oh no! The meeting! I completely forgot! I'm so sorry!"

"That's right, your girl club thing." Ichigo snapped his fingers. "Sorry, Rukia, my fault. This kidou shit isn't coming along real easy."

"You will learn it." Hinamori sounded exasperated. "Give yourself time."

"Yeah, maybe," he said. "Anyway, if you need her, take her away."

"That's all right," Rukia said, quickly composing herself. "The meeting has finished. You didn't miss anything of great importance."

"Oh? What'd you need, then?" Ichigo asked.

Don't fidget, she reminded herself. It is unbecoming. "I... actually, I wished to see if you would like to join me for tea, Ichigo."

"Tea?" He looked surprised. "Kinda late for that, isn't it?"

"Only if you have no taste," she retorted. "And I had nothing else to do. I—thought it would be nice."

"It is," he said. "Er, It would be. But I should probably stick at this if I'm serious about getting any better." He gestured at the target on its stand. "Maybe some other time?"

"Of course." She swallowed heavily. "Good luck."

"Thanks." He was already turning away as she left.

It was only tea, she reminded herself as she made her way to her own quarters. He couldn't be expected to abandon what he was doing to drink tea with her. Especially since he looked—happy. Satisfied. Like he fit in where he was, even if he was still learning.

Like he didn't need her anymore.

He was no longer an invader or an outcast. He would do well as a captain. That could be enough for her—it would be. As long as he was happy.

That was all she'd ever wanted for him.

-

_Around forty-five years ago_

This late in the afternoon the small reception room of the doctor's office was empty, but that didn't bother Rukia. In fact, it made things easier. She slipped around front desk and down the short hallway to the examination room, where she knew the doctor would be. She peeked through the doorway to look at him and grinned. If he'd sensed her presence, he didn't show it; his back was to her as he fiddled with some items on the counter. Doctor things that she didn't really understand; kidou had always been enough for her.

"Excuse me, doctor," she trilled. "But I've got this sharp pain in my leg and you're the only one who can help."

He was scowling when he turned, but she could see the ghost of a grin at the corner of his mouth. "Stop that," he said. "I'm a pediatrician. You're too old to be my patient, even if you are incredibly short."

"Are you saying you'd refuse to help a woman in need? That's shockingly insensitive, Dr. Kurosaki." She stepped closer and smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been called worse," he said. "What are you doing here? In a gigai, even."

"Soul Society had some matters to discuss with Yoruichi-san," she said. "I merely volunteered to be the envoy."

"Yoruichi, huh? She didn't say anything about that when we trained last week," he said. "They still trying to coax her back?"

"Not exactly. More like…a more formal alliance than has existed in the past. But that's done with; I've already been to see her. I thought I might as well visit you while I am here."

"Oh, I'm so glad to be considered," he scoffed. He leaned in closer. "So, where's this pain?"

"Ah. Yes." She hopped up to sit on the examination seat and and took his hand, guiding it up from her knee to just under the skirt she wore. "Somewhere around here, I think."

He looked at her with dark eyes for a long moment. "I'm done with hours for the day."

"I don't have to return for quite some time," she replied.

He shut and locked the door.

-

"You should come to dinner with me," he said later, once they'd dressed and straightened their clothes.

"Hmm?" She finished slipping her shoes back on.

"At my family's place," he said. "Dad and my sisters and I were planning to get together tonight since Yuzu just got back in town. I didn't know you were gonna show up too, otherwise I'd have put it off until tomorrow."

"I wouldn't want to intrude on a family occasion."

"Idiot." He grabbed her hand. "You know Pops thinks of you as family anyway. They'll be happy to see you. Besides, I don't know the next time you'll be able to come back, so I want to take advantage of the time you're here."

She smiled. "All right."

"Good."

"On one condition," she said. "I get your dessert."

He snorted. "Yuzu's dessert? Nothing doing. You'll have to fight me first and semi-retired shinigami or not, I can still kick your ass."

"Then I guess I better hurry." With that, she jumped up and scampered out of the room.

"Oi, OI! Rukia!"

Ichigo was right—Isshin was thrilled to see her when they arrived. But then, battle situations excluded, she had rarely ever seen him in anything but a state of manic cheer. It was nice to see Karin and Yuzu again, too, both of whom Rukia still half-expected to be children rather than the college-educated women they were.

"Daddy is so happy to have his favorite people back at one table!" Isshin chortled as they all dug into their meals. "My lovely daughters and beautiful adopted daughter and stupid son!" Ichigo just rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth with more rice.

"Yuzu, why is it that you've returned to Karakura?" Rukia asked.

"A new job," she answered, swallowing and smiling. "The one I had right after I graduated was nice, but I think I've outgrown it, and I like being closer to home."

"And so you are! Never fear, Yuzu, daddy will always welcome you back to his manly bosom"

"Don't get used to it," Karin said. "Yuzu, I still say you can stay with me while you find a new place instead of fruit loop here."

"Thanks, but I'm all right, Karin," she said. "Your apartment is so tiny. I don't want to put you out. And it shouldn't be too long. My friend Yuko from university is helping me find one. She just moved to a new apartment a few months ago so she knows the best places to look."

Dinner continued that way, filled with pleasant chatter and none of the fistfights Rukia used to witness. Apparently Ichigo had matured enough for that, and after seeing his son fight in a war, Isshin no longer seemed to feel the need to test him physically. It was nice to be around, though she felt a pang at not being able to join in more fully. Her duties in Soul Society had kept her busy enough that her visits of late had been few and far between, and it was apparent that life went on without her. There were long periods of conversation during which she was silent, lacking knowledge of what people and events the others were referencing. It would be rude to constantly ask them to explain, though Ichigo made sure to include her in the conversation when he noticed her looking lost.

After dinner, she joined Karin and Isshin for a game of cards while Ichigo and Yuzu volunteered to do the dishes. After being soundly beaten for the third time (she could play proper cards, just not these ridiculous human games) she went to retrieve Ichigo to take her place.

"—should bring her home more often, Ichi-nii," she heard as she approached the kitchen.

"I wish I could," he said, up to his elbows in suds. "Not up to me."

"Well, I like her more than Mai," she said. "She was pretty, but kind of dull. I think Rukia-chan is much better for you."

"Yeah. Me too."

Rukia coughed. Ichigo spun around, surprised. "It's your turn at cards," she said, smiling. "Trade you places?"

"Yeah," he said after a minute. "Sure."

At the end of the evening, Ichigo was quiet all the way back to his apartment, from when they said goodnight to his family until he locked his front door behind them. "Rukia, about what you heard—"

"—doesn't matter," she finished. "How many times have we been through this? You have a life, Ichigo, I understand."

"Yamagata Mai was a friend from the hospital," he insisted, grasping her arm and spinning her to face him. "We hung out some. She was interested in Pops' practice so she came over for dinner a couple times. It's not like it was even dating. I'm not gonna get serious with anyone else, you know that."

Something twisted sideways in her belly. "I know."

"Well…good," he said. "As long as you don't forget. When do you have to go back to Soul Society?"

"Before morning," she said. "There's an important division conference early tomorrow, else I would stay."

He leaned in, kissing her hard. "Then," he said, "We better make the most of it."

It was well past midnight when she woke, either from the bright moonlight that shone through the window or Ichigo's heavy arms affecting her ability to breathe. She tried to sit up but he just held her tighter in his sleep.

"Ichigo," she whispered, shoving at him. "Ichigo, wake up. I have to go."

He blinked slowly, awareness returning to his eyes. "What? Now? It's only…"

"It will be dawn in a few hours," she said, voice soft.

He propped himself up on one elbow. Moonlight from the window cut across his face, revealing his serious expression. "Stay."

"Ichigo, please don't ask that of me. You know I can't." She sat up, but didn't remove his other arm from around her waist. As soon as she pulled away, this feeling of warmth and safety with just the two of them would be broken.

"It's been four months already since last time," he said with frustration. "When can you come back?"

"I don't know," she said. "I do the best I can, Ichigo."

His head dropped, face once again hidden in the shadows. "I know," he said. She leaned down to kiss him one more time, letting it last as long as she dared. "Okay. Come back when you can."

"I promise," she whispered.

It would have been just as easy to open the gate back to Soul Society in his apartment, but the way he watched her from the bed unsettled her, so after dressing and leaving his bedroom she walked for a few blocks. She was about to summon the hell butterfly that would take her home when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"You're out late."

Rukia turned to see a small black cat sitting placidly on her haunches. "Yoruichi-san."

"You'll be tired in the morning."

"Yes. Well." She felt her cheeks warm.

"Ah, don't listen to me. I did the same when I was your age. Still do," she said. "Jushiro won't mind. He covered enough for me back in the day."

"Is there something I can help you with?" Rukia asked. "Something else I need to tell Captain Ukitake?"

Yoruichi shook her head, an odd gesture on a cat. "He knows how to contact me if necessary."

"I see. Then..."

"I don't even know why I'm out here," Yoruichi sighed. "It's none of my business."

"I am happy to speak with you," she said uncertainly. What was this about?

Another moment of silence. "You know I still train with Ichigo when he has time."

She nodded. "He still thinks of you as his teacher."

"I know. Sometimes I think that boy will never grow up." A whisker twitched. "We don't train all the time. He puts more energy into his practice than his father did, and I'm not always at Kisuke's. But if I had to guess, I'd say I see him more than you do these days."

Rukia closed her eyes for an instant. "I have already discussed this with Ichigo. With my duties, I cannot—"

"I know you can't," said Yoruichi, sounding surprised. "Of course not. Perfectly understandable. Life as an exile isn't everything it's cracked up to be, though it suits me. I just want to know something." Golden eyes fixed on hers. "What are you doing with him, Rukia?"

"I—if you're asking what kind of relationship we have—"

"Ha! No. I know that," she said. "I've had enough time to see, and Ichigo isn't exactly subtle. I've had a lot of time to see things."

The weather shouldn't have been affecting her gigai, but Rukia felt cold. "What are you saying?"

"I see the way he gets when you leave, when you've been gone a long time," Yoruichi said. "He puts on a smiling face for you because when you're with him, he's happy. It's after you leave that he changes. That boy is always waiting for you."

"He shouldn't be. I've told him not to! I don't want him to make any promises to me when I can't do the same!"

"I understand what you're trying to do by giving him a no-strings relationship," Yoruichi said. "But you should know better. He feels guilty if he even looks at another woman—and it's nothing against you, but he does look. He can't help it, he's a man and he gets lonely. He doesn't let himself do anything about it, but he still feels guilty. I imagine it makes you feel better about yourself when you get to forgive him without question."

"Yoruichi-san—"

"Don't say it's no strings attached," Yoruichi said. "It's not. You have that boy wrapped up like a puppet."

Rukia stared. She couldn't seem to form words.

"And you? Are you going to remain faithful to him in Soul Society?"

"Of course!" She snapped, voice returning.

"Then why can't you accept the same from him?"

"It's not the same. He has years of this life left to him. I can't take that away."

"Everyone takes from each other. But you should think about what you're giving him back. This isn't the only way things have to be." She shook her head. "I'm not telling you what to do. It's not my place, even if I'm very bad at staying in my place. But whatever you do, do it with honesty." She stood and padded off into the darkness. "See you around, Rukia."

She stood alone in the street for a long time. A small part of her wanted to go after Yoruichi, tell her she was wrong, and why. She loved Ichigo, and he loved her. Should anything else really matter, as long as that was true?

Except that other things did matter, and the rational side of herself couldn't forget it. She'd felt it herself, many times now, though his smiles and touches allowed her to set such thoughts aside. But she would continue to miss out on his life, waiting to be told what he'd been doing instead of experiencing things with him. They lived in separate worlds. He'd tried to jump the gap and succeeded for a time, but now, at this moment, they'd never felt farther apart. And they would not grow closer together.

She wanted to ignore Yoruichi's words, or to set them aside and consider them later. Knowing her, she hadn't intended to push Rukia to drastic action, just make her think. But Rukia had thought about this before, and convinced herself to do nothing. Because Yoruichi hadn't said anything she hadn't already known. And all the while, she kept hurting Ichigo.

She made her decision.

Ichigo had fallen back asleep. He lay sprawled on his back, snoring lightly. She paused before shaking him, her vision blurring around the edges. This sight would have to last her for a very long time.

"Ichigo. Wake up."

"Mmm?" He opened his eyes, smiling when he saw her. She steeled herself against the rush of warmth this brought her. "You're back."

"Ichigo..."

"Yeah? Come back to bed."

He reached out to touch her. She stepped back. His smile faded.

"Ichigo." She took a deep breath. "This must end."

"What?" He sat bolt upright. "What do you mean?"

"This. Us. We can't do this anymore."

"What are you talking about, Rukia?"

He scrambled to to get out of bed and reach her, never minding the fact that he was still naked, but her voice rang out sharply, stopping him from coming closer. "_Don't._"

"I don't understand." He shook his head. "Is this some kind of sick nightmare? You just left and everything was fine. What happened? Did Soul Society do something?"

"No. I haven't returned yet. And things weren't fine," she said. "They haven't been fine for a very long time, Ichigo. And it is my fault. I should have known better. Without me—it will be better for you."

"You're full of shit!" He gestured angrily. "If you don't want to be with me anymore, just say so! Don't tell me you think you know what's best for me! It's my life, Rukia! My decision!"

"No. It is not." She forced herself to look him in the eye. "Goodbye, Ichigo."

He tried to stop her, she was certain. Be he was sleepy and slow on his feet and only human, and she was gone before he could stop her. She was sure that if she waited a moment more she would see him behind her, trying to reach her before she opened the gate.

She was sure of this. But she did not see it.

She never looked back.

--

NEXT CHAPTER: "Long-distance calls are expensive when you're dead."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five: On sharing meals, reunions that are happy and ones that aren't.

--

After 77 years of life and a month or so of death, Ichigo came to the conclusion that he never had and never would understand women. Exhibit A: Kuchiki Rukia, enigma extraordinare.

Maybe there was something to this tea thing he didn't understand. Maybe when a noble invited you for tea, it really meant a whole damn tea ceremony, and turning down the invitation was some terrible faux pas they never told you about because you were just supposed to know. It was the only reason he could think of for her current behavior.

She'd looked a little upset the other night, a fact that hadn't really registered at the time—he'd been too focused on getting this one kidou spell to work for him. He was close, dammit, and it felt like if he could just do this one right, the rest might fall into place. Probably wishful thinking, but stubborn bullheadedness had been helpful in his past training, so he was willing to go along with it.

He'd been a little distracted when Hinamori started giggling.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

She shook her head and put a hand over her mouth, but a few soft giggles crept through. "Nothing. Really, go on."

"It's not easy to concentrate when you're laughing at me. What is it? Did I miss some kinda private joke between you and Rukia that I don't get because I'm a guy?"

"You could say that," she said, shifting into a thoughtful expression.

"I don't suppose you're gonna let me in on it."

She shook her head. "Sorry, that's something you'll have to work out for yourself."

"Right. If you say so."

There was Exhibit B: his own vice-captain. He still wasn't sure what had been so damn funny to her, though in a way it was nice to see her laughing. She didn't seem to do much of that.

Even while observing this, he was still trying to figure out Rukia, the perpetual Women Make No Sense Exhibit A. He'd thought maybe she'd want to do the tea thing the next day, but she hadn't been around, and when he'd gone looking for her at the thirteenth, the pair of loons she worked with told him she'd gone back to Byakuya's estate for the evening, and almost-fellow captain or not, he didn't feel like dealing with that guy.

He'd figured he'd get to talk to her at today's weekly meeting of the captains and vice-captains. Hisagi was still running the 5th, but it made more sense for Ichigo to go to stuff like this than to sit on his ass until the day the transition went through. He didn't have a lot to say at the meetings, but then, it seemed like no one else did, either. Mostly everyone practiced their best stick-up-the-ass posture while Yamamoto talked. It didn't help that Byakuya stood almost directly across from him. Now there was a man born to do the stick-up-the-ass posture.

He caught up to Rukia after the meeting when she was about to leave with Ukitake. "Oi, Rukia. Got a minute?"

She glanced at Ukitake. "I'll be there in a minute, sir." He nodded and moved away. "What is it, Ichigo?"

She didn't sound entirely unfriendly, but she wasn't radiating warmth either. "Sorry I was busy the other night."

"That's all right," she said. "It wasn't important. I went to sleep instead."

"Oh. Okay. So…"

"Yes?"

"So…you still want to? Have tea, or something?"

"Perhaps." She looked away. "Sometime. I have to go now."

She didn't look back as she trailed after her captain, leaving Ichigo to stand there feeling stupid. She hadn't exactly been rude, but he was left with the distinct sense of having just been blown off.

He was still standing there awkwardly when he heard a familiar voice; out of the corner of his eye, he saw Renji chatting with Yamamoto. He waited until they were finished, then started toward him. Renji glanced at Ichigo and tried to walk past him on his way out, but Ichigo clapped a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Oi. Renji."

The captain's eyes flicked sideways. "What?"

Ichigo frowned. "Nice to see you too."

"I'm busy, kid. Got places to be. You'll find out when you're official. What do you need?"

"Nothing really." He shrugged. "Just curious if you knew what's up Rukia's ass."

"Why? What'd she say?"

"She just seems…distant. Kinda like I pissed her off but she doesn't want to say it."

Renji looked away. "If you seriously pissed her off you wouldn't have to ask me. You know Rukia."

"I guess," Ichigo said. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Look, I gotta run. See you around."

Ichigo watched him go, feeling like he was missing something twice over, Renji's own unusually reserved manner doing anything but reassuring him about Rukia's. But if he didn't get going to change and head over to the Academy, he'd be missing class next.

He actually didn't mind going to class too much lately. With Hinamori's help, kidou was going better. Fighting with the swordplay classes was always fun, too, even if he couldn't go all out. The only bad part was the way some of the first-year girls were starting to look at him in the halls. They traveled in packs and tended to giggle when they saw him coming. It had been a long time since Ichigo was in school, but he knew this wasn't something he enjoyed. Keigo probably would've been ecstatic, though, or maybe jealous that Ichigo couldn't re-direct their attention his way.

He'd barely stepped onto Academy grounds before someone behind him poked him sharply in the ribs. "Hey, you. Which way to the cute girls?"

"Hey, watch it!" He rubbed the sore spot as he turned. "Look, I don't know where WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Kurosaki Isshin grinned at him. "What? You act like you've never seen a shinigami-in-training before, kid."

"And what are you WEARING?" He pointed accusingly at the blue and white academy uniform that his ex-captain father wore.

"Daddy is incognito! Do you like it?" He pulled at his clothes. "It's tighter than I remember it being, but perhaps I just borrowed them from a skinny fellow…"

"I have got to be imagining this." Ichigo backed away. "Aizen is alive again and it's an illusion. You're not really here in stolen clothes trying to pass yourself off as a student."

"Well, you never know," he said. "It's better to blend in just in case. I'm long since finished with Seireitei, but I hear there's an opening for a new captain. I don't want them to get any ideas."

"There's not an opening anymore, moron!"

"Oh? What poor bastard did they pick?"

"Me!"

"AND YOU BRING PRIDE TO THE FAMILY NAME, MY SON!" Isshin clapped him on the back so hard he almost choked. "Kid, did you really think I didn't know?"

"How would I know one way or the other? I didn't know where you were! For all I knew, you weren't even in Soul Society anymore!"

"Long-distance calls are expensive when you're dead." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Want to go somewhere else to get away from your fan club?" A trio of girls was huddled nearby, watching them.

"I was going to class."

"Ha! That's my son, the studious one," Isshin said. "Come on. You're going to be a captain. This class business is just a formality so old man Yamamoto can justify your promotion in his mind. Besides, part of being captain is knowing when and how to get out of the boring stuff, and that's something I can definitely teach you. Let's go."

It wasn't hard to find an empty training room, where Isshin promptly plopped down on the floor. "So," he said. "You're dead. Welcome to the club."

"Sorry I didn't try and contact you," Ichigo said, sitting across from him. "They don't waste any time giving you something to do here, so there was a lot going on."

"Don't worry about it. It's likely you wouldn't have been able to find me even if you tried. It takes time to master the hell butterflies—tricky little bastards—and I've gotten used to dodging them. It took Shunsui enough time to find me as it was."

"Still." Ichigo shrugged. "What were you doing, anyway?"

"Even the dead need doctors, especially in the outer districts of Rukongai," he replied. "I go around and see who I can help."

"You could have stayed in the living world. Started a new clinic somewhere else. Sandal Hat would've helped."

"Yeah, maybe." Isshin tilted his head back. "But I didn't go to the living world just to escape Soul Society. I went for your mother, and I stayed for you and your sisters. I stayed as long as I could for the grandkids before I seemed a little _too_ old. Eventually you have to let go. Maybe I wasn't born Kurosaki Isshin, but it's who I am now. Starting over with some fake identity and a younger gigai wouldn't seem right."

"Yeah," Ichigo said quietly. "I get what you mean."

"How is everyone back home?"

"Doing okay as far as I can tell," he said hesitantly. It wasn't that he didn't care about the ones he'd left behind in the world of the living, but so much had changed for him since he'd died that it felt like it'd been years since he'd seen them, not weeks. "Towards the end I was sick. Sleeping most of the time. So I don't remember a whole lot. But before that—they were fine."

"Good, good." Isshin nodded. "It will be nice to see your sisters when they, ah, arrive. Hopefully not too soon."

"Their turn to worry about kids and grandkids now."

"Speaking of which…" A grin spread across Isshin's face.

Ichigo gave him a blank look. "Speaking of what?"

"Grandkids! You got a pass for being frail and wrinkly these last few years, but now you're strong and virile and you haven't given me your fair share!"

"Get ready to wait a long time, old man." He snorted. "I've got more important things to do than trying to find someone to help with that. Get a pet or something." He turned partially away so his father couldn't see his face. The emotion stirred up by this topic was raw enough he couldn't hide it completely.

"It's not as if you'd have to look very far," Isshin said. "How is dear Rukia-chan, anyway?"

"Dad…" Ichigo let out a breath. "Please don't ask me about her."

"Why not?" He looked concerned. "Is she ill?"

"No! She's fine! And she's not going to give you grandchildren, either! She's not—_we're_ not like that. Not anymore." It wasn't the first time he'd said these words, to himself or to someone else, but he could still feel something in his chest grow tight as they came out of his mouth.

Isshin waved a hand dismissively. "I know you kids had your problems in the past, but it's hardly a long-distance relationship anymore."

"It hasn't been one for a long time, either! She's the one who broke it off," Ichigo said sharply. A very small part of him welcomed the man's optimism, but for the rest of him that lived in reality, it was the last subject he wanted to discuss. "It doesn't matter anyway. We're friends. It's been too long since we've been anything else."

"But you waited for her."

"No," Ichigo said, and closed his eyes briefly. "I would have. But that's just how things went." There was a small smile on Isshin's face. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," he said, not bothering to try for a more serious look. "You just remind me of how foolish I was at your age."

Ichigo eyed him warily. "Remember as much as you want. Let's just drop it."

"Aa. So are you ready to become a captain?"

"Probably not," Ichigo admitted, relaxing as the conversation left dangerous territory. "But I'll figure it out."

"That's my boy! I'd have to smack you around if you said anything else. But you've got to remember there are certain rules for handling your fellow captains."

"They've all been doing this longer than me. They should be able to handle themselves."

"Ha! There's your optimism. You must've gotten it from your mother. This is Soul Society, my boy. We live on top of each other for hundreds of years at a stretch with not enough new faces at the top. You better believe everyone knows everyone else's business, but there are ways of coping." He held up a finger. "Number one: Yamamoto's good at the overall leadership once he remembers to pay attention, but for the day to day crap, just let him talk and act like you're listening and then go back to your division and do what you want. They say it's better to ask forgiveness than permission, but I never bothered with either."

"Should I be taking notes here?"

"Number two! You can trust Kyouraku Shunsui with your life but not anything resembling good gossip," he said. "Jushiro is more circumspect. So is Unohana Retsu, but be sure you never give her reason to be angry with you. That's very important."

"Got it."

"As for the rest…hmm." Isshin frowned in concentration. "I didn't know him well when he was under Kisuke, but don't bother with that Kurotsuchi bastard. And Byakuya…eh, if you handed him his ass at sixteen you should be fine now." He moved to stand up.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Away! You said yourself you had a lot to do. And Shunsui owes me a drink. Several drinks, actually, but who's counting?"

"You are," Ichigo said. "You sure? It's…good to see you, Pops."

He grinned. "We've got an eternity to catch up, Ichigo. I'll be around."

After the impromptu reunion with his father, Ichigo's next two days were blessedly normal, just classwork and division preparations with Hisagi and Hinamori. Things were busy enough that he found himself looking forward to the break of spending a day with the thirteenth division. When he arrived at the lakeside division headquarters, Captain Ukitake was outside, sprinkling fish food over the railing.

"Good morning," he said, nodding at Ichigo. "I like to watch the koi eat before starting the day. It's very relaxing."

He looked down to see a crowd of fat fish jostling for breakfast. "Seems like," he lied.

Ukitake smiled. "Shall we?"

"Sure."

Rukia was already at her desk, scribbling at a stack of paperwork as they passed through on the way to Ukitake's private office. "Good morning," she murmured, barely looking up.

"Hey," he replied, a little annoyed at the distracted greeting-but then, Rukia putting her job before all else was nothing new.

"She works too hard," Ukitake said as they entered his office and sat down. "But I can't say I'd do as well without her. A good vice-captain is a blessing, Ichigo. You're lucky to have Hinamori."

"She's great," he said. "We've been working together some. Sometimes I think she should be the one getting promoted. She has a better idea of what the hell she's doing."

"There's more to being a captain than paperwork," Ukitake replied. "Though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. You'll find your way."

"I guess that's what I'm here for."

He chuckled. "If you gain more confidence from spending time with all the divisions, then I'm glad, but you really shouldn't worry. This whole rotation is more about Yamamoto than it is you."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Oh really."

"Of course. No one's ever become captain so fast, not even Hitsugaya Toshirou. Then again, no one's ever become a shinigami decades before death. But who would you serve under? You're clearly overqualified for anything less than captain. This allows Yamamoto to feel better about such a breach of protocol."

"So basically I'm been wasting everyone's time."

"Never! There's always benefit to be gained from sharing knowledge. But don't underestimate yourself," Ukitake said. "In any case, you're free to leave if you'd rather spend your time elsewhere, though we're happy to have you."

Ichigo smiled. "I think I'll stay."

He'd wondered how much active work Ukitake did as captain, considering his illness; though Ichigo knew, having seen it himself, that the man was a powerful force in battle. Watching him at work, he still didn't seem to do a lot. He didn't rush around barking orders, though sometimes Sentaro and Kiyone did, and even then the barking was mostly directed at each other. But somehow, things worked; Ukitake finished with a pile of documents just as a courier came to pick them up. The training schedule he'd devised for the different squads had them rotating between tasks smoothly. It put Ichigo in mind of a talented juggler who used little motion but kept everything in the air. He only saw Rukia once or twice as she stepped in to drop something off with Ukitake or ask him a question.

In late morning, the sounds of squabble heralded the return of Sentaro and Kiyone. "CAPTAIN!" They burst in shouting.

"Captain, I brought you this healthy lunch that I made—"

"The midget got the idea from me, captain, here, take mine—"

"Oh, no," Ukitake laughed at the bento boxes being waved in his face. "They look so nicely prepared, I couldn't possibly choose! Thank you both, but actually, I was feeling rather tired and thought I'd spend my lunch resting."

The two froze for a moment before leaping back into action. "Captain, I'll get your futon ready and make sure it's nice and fluffy—"

"No way, I'll do a _much_ better job of preparing a nice rest for Captain—"

They blew out as quickly as they'd arrived. "That should take care of them for a while," Ukitake said brightly.

Ichigo grinned. "Nice trick you got there."

"I try not to overuse it. However, I do have some business to attend to with Shunsui over lunch. Why don't you and Rukia take these and enjoy yourselves?" He gestured at the bento boxes that lay abandoned on the corner of the desk.

"Eh?" Ichigo blinked. "She looked pretty busy…"

"All the more reason for both of you to take some time off. I insist. Kuchiki?" He called.

Immediately she appeared in the doorway. "Yes, sir?"

"Would you mind sharing lunch with Ichigo-kun? I'm afraid I'll be occupied for an hour or so, and it would be a shame for Sentaro and Kiyone's work to go to waste."

She hesitated for a moment before smiling. "Of course, sir."

Ichigo followed her wordlessly, eyes on her back as she led him to the edge of the division grounds, finally settling down beside the bank of the small, lazy river that flowed through the area. "Here?"

"Of course," she said, already unpacking her bento. "Were you expecting a formal dining room?"

"No," he said, dropping down beside her. "I thought you might, though."

"I grew up in the streets of Rukongai, fool. Back then, this would have _been_ formal dining." She took a first delicate bite of rice without looking at him. Her movements were stiff and precise, like she couldn't quite relax.

"Uh huh." He pulled the top off of his lunch and inspected the contents. The lunch looked delicious; Ukitake was lucky if his subordinates tried to feed him like this every day. But Ichigo didn't feel like eating just yet. "Rukia, is something bothering you?"

She lowered her chopsticks and looked at him for the first time, eyes revealing nothing. "Why should I be bothered?"

"I don't know." He stabbed at his bento. "I keep getting the feeling you're upset or something. If it's something I can help with, I want to."

She seemed to consider this, giving him a long look before turning back to her lunch. "It isn't you, Ichigo," she said. "I've been very busy lately and I'm tired. I apologize if I put you ill at ease."

"Don't worry about it." He took a bite. "You could delegate some of the work, you know. If Ukitake didn't even have a vice-captain for a bunch of years before he snagged you, those other two have to be used to doing a lot more."

"Perhaps." She nodded, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Their enthusiasm should not become an excuse for me to neglect my responsibilities. But it is nice to rest." She looked at the water flowing past their feet. "We used to come here for lunch when I was new to the division. This place holds many good memories for me." Ichigo chuckled. "What?"

"Just trying to picture you as a nervous rookie."

"We all have to start somewhere."

"I know, I know," he said. "But even back when I was still a kid, you seemed like you'd always been on top of things. Or at least, that's what you wanted me to believe."

"I had to set an example," she said. "Or you would've frozen in fear and let the hollows run rampant."

He snorted. "Not likely. I did just fine."

"With my help, yes."

"We got the job done, didn't we?"

She smiled. "We did."

Maybe she really had just been busy and distracted when he'd tried to talk to her at the meeting the other day. Rukia seemed a lot more relaxed as they ate and chatted. Once she finished with her lunch, she set it aside and leaned back on the grass, closing her eyes. "Mmm. I know we should return to the office, but I feel entirely too comfortable."

"So slack a little. I won't tell."

She laughed. "Thank you." The stress in her brow eased as she soaked up the sun.

_I want to kiss her._

Ichigo nearly jumped at his own thought. Where had that come from? And why? She wasn't doing anything special, just laying there, her hair spread out, framing her face.

She looked beautiful.

He amended the thought. _I_ really _want to kiss her._ It would be easy. She wasn't even looking at him. He could lean over and do it. She'd probably bite his face off, but still. There was nothing stopping him.

He looked away. "I saw my father the other day."

Rukia opened her eyes and sat up. "Here in Seireitei?"

"Yeah. He just wanted to see how I was. It's been a long time. Took him a while to get the news."

"I imagine so. He does not come here very often."

"What?" He looked over sharply. "You've seen him?"

Rukia nodded. "From time to time. I understand he spends most of his time tending to the sick in Rukongai, but once in a while he comes to visit Captain Ukitake."

"Oh." He felt a sinking sensation as he wondered exactly what Rukia and his father had talked about. "That makes sense."

"Did you have a pleasant visit?"

"I guess so." He rubbed the back of his neck. "He wasn't around for too long. He just wanted to catch up on—" _grandkids_ "—things."

"He must be happy to be able to see you again."

"Yeah." He picked up his bento box. "We should probably get back."

"All right." For a moment she looked curious, like she wanted to ask more about Isshin's visit, but in the end she apparently decided not to. Ichigo was grateful.

The walk back was as quiet as the walk down had been, though for a different reason. Ichigo was too lost in thought to start another conversation. It was stupid to be having these thoughts. Probably his dad's fault for bringing it up in his mind. Just because he wasn't an old man anymore didn't mean he needed to start sniffing around something that had brought them only pain. It wasn't as if Rukia was even interested anymore. She'd made that perfectly clear long ago.

He nodded at her when she stopped at her desk and he continued to Ukitake's office. Better to focus on what he was here for. It made no sense to get caught up in the past. It was too late for any of that.

_39 years ago_

"Ichigo! You're late!"

"Excuse me?!" He leaned his head around one of the large bags of groceries he carried. "I was at the store! How am I late?"

Yuko grinned at him. "We have to be efficient about this, Kurosaki. I refuse to live in a place like that cave you called a bachelor pad, and that means we have to have everything clean and put away by bedtime."

"It's the _weekend._ Why do we need to unpack so fast when we have all of tomorrow to finish, too?"

"Well, we could take it easy." She tilted her head, looking thoughtful. "But the time we spend putting crap away is the time you spend not getting laid."

Ichigo dropped the bags on the counter. "I can have the kitchen finished in an hour."

"I'm still working on the bathroom." She laughed as she sprinted down the hall, long black hair flying behind her. "Don't lie, you know the scent of cleaning spray gets you hot!"

He turned his attention to the food and the boxes of pots, pans and assorted items that made up their newly combined kitchen supplies. Moving in with his girlfriend had seemed like a good idea when it had come up, but he hadn't realized what a pain in the ass the actual moving part would be.

Only one way to get through it. He began pulling food out of the bags and finding places for it in the fridge or the cabinets. He'd been a little appalled at the amount of stuff Yuko considered necessary for an adequately-stocked kitchen, but not nearly as appalled as she'd been at his idea of cooking. Being a busy doctor gave him some leeway, she'd informed him, but not enough to have that much instant ramen and macaroni.

"Ichigo." He heard her pad back into the kitchen behind him. "We've got another one."

"Another what—oh." He turned to see a ghost floating over Yuko's left shoulder. This one was an old man with a bashful expression. "All right. I'll take care of it. You, over here." He motioned to the ghost.

"I don't know how you've done this your whole life. It must drive you crazy."

"Hey, you see em too."

"See them, yes. Get constantly stalked by them, no. If I had ghosts regularly peeking at me in my bathroom, you better believe I would've invented a new exorcism technique tears ago." She pecked him on the cheek and headed back to the bathroom.

"Okay, listen." He spoke quietly to the spirit. "Go north a couple blocks from this apartment building, then float to the top of that really big office. The local shinigami likes to hang out there on patrol. He'll perform a soul burial on you and send you to Soul Society where you can be happy and never hungry again and all that shit."

The old man trembled. "I don't want to be buried—"

"Just _go,_ would you? It's not like being buried underground."

The man squeaked at Ichigo's fierce expression and floated through the wall. Ichigo sighed. He would never get the hang of sounding enthusiastic about Soul Society. He could have performed konso himself, but the existence of shinigami and his past experience as one of them was something he'd never told Yuko, and the possibility of her entering the room to find him outside his body holding an enormous sword probably wasn't the best way to do it. He had little enough to do with being a shinigami these days; it was better to let the local one handle things.

There came an authoritative knock at the door. Huh. He wasn't expecting anyone, but maybe the neighbors had noticed them moving in and were friendlier than he'd expected. He trotted over, opened the door and stopped dead. The person on the other side of the entryway was the one person he'd wanted to see for the longest time and the last one he expected now. Rukia.

He nearly slammed the door in her face before thinking better of it. He jumping outside and closed it firmly-and quietly. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed.

She looked up at him with calm, emotionless eyes. "I've been sent with news from Soul Society," she said.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," he said. "Since when do you knock on the door, anyway?" She wasn't even in a gigai, just her usual shihakusho, sword sheathed at her side.

"I did not want to intrude," she said. "Would you have preferred I step through the wall?"

"_No._" Fuck, no. The last thing he needed was to have to explain that not only did shinigami exist, but this particular one was his ex-girlfriend, to his current girlfriend. "Just—give me a second."

He dashed back inside. "Yuko!"

"What?" she yelled back from the bathroom. "I swear I've got this corner crud on the run, don't interrupt me now!"

"I forgot something from the store! I'm gonna go get it now!"

"Okay, whatever!"

He half hoped Rukia would be gone when he returned to the hall, but she remained, implacid as ever. "Come on." He stalked past her and didn't look to see if she followed him down the hall to the stairwell with roof access.

It was cold outside for this time of year, especially with the way the wind whipped across the apartment building's roof. He ignored it. "Okay," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "What do you want?"

"I told you. There is news from Soul Society." Nothing in her expression, not even a damn _twitch_ betrayed any discomfort she might have had at being there. "Unusually strong pockets of wild energy have been detected leaking from Hueco Mundo, resulting in especially strong Hollows in the area. Not quite to arrancar levels, but still very dangerous. I fought one myself on the way here."

"Sounds like the local shinigami is the one needs to be told, not me," he said flatly. "I don't have any official duties here and I haven't fought in a while anyway."

"He has been," she said. "But as an official shinigami representative—retired or not—it was decided you must know. Don't underestimate the seriousness of this, Ichigo. For the most part we have been able to control the rips in realities since the war, but only through constant vigilance. This state of affairs may not always continue. Even if you don't fight regularly, you must be on alert."

"Right," he said. "And I suppose you just had to be the one to tell me."

That got a reaction. Twin points of faint pink appeared on her cheeks; they would probably have been unnoticeable if she weren't so pale. "Someone had to, and I am familiar with the area."

"And that! You've never been here before, Rukia," he snapped. "I just moved in yesterday. You're keeping tabs on me now? Should I look out for hidden cameras?"

"Soul Society is, yes," she said with an acid tinge to her voice. "You expected otherwise? You have power, and that—"

"No," he burst out. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to lecture me like this is all business!"

"What do you want me to _say,_ Ichigo?"

He stomped forward, bending down until his face was in hers and her eyes were wide. "You. Left. Me."

Rukia got redder. She said nothing.

"You came here and screwed me and left me without even talking to me," he said. "I deserved a chance to say something! But you couldn't stand that, could you? Everything on your terms, like always!"

"It wouldn't have worked," she said quietly. "I was holding you back. It had to end, Ichigo, and you weren't going to be the one to do it. So I did. I am…I wish I hadn't hurt you, but you wouldn't have listened to me if I'd stayed longer."

"Maybe. Maybe not," he said. "Maybe I would have understood. Maybe we could have made a clean break, at least. Not like we'll ever know now."

"Do you really believe that?" she demanded. "You're the most stubborn, obnoxious person I have ever met—"

"Like you're one to talk!"

"—and you would not have given up. You never do!"

"I don't give up on things that are worth fighting for!"

"No, you don't listen to things you need to hear!"

"Not if they're completely stupid!" His throat already feeling raw from shouting, Ichigo suddenly realized how close they were. He could reach out and—

He stepped back. "I moved on," he said. "But not right away. For like a year, I was a complete asshole to everyone I knew. And then—" He took a breath. "I have a girlfriend. She's downstairs."

"I know," Rukia said quietly.

"What?"

"I know." She closed her eyes for a moment, then met his gaze. "It was not my intention to interrupt your life, but we receive reports on your activities, your location, and I wanted to…I needed to know if you were…"

"Happy?"

"Yes."

"Yeah." He tried to calm down, slow his breathing. "Yuko's…she didn't mind I was a jerk when we first knew each other. She doesn't let me get away with any shit. She's not—" _She's not you._ "She's not perfect, but she's good. We're good."

"Good." Her voice was hoarse. "I am glad." She turned and took a few steps, and it was only then that he noticed how stiffly she moved.

"Rukia, are you hurt?" He reached for her arm but she pulled away.

"It was the hollow I fought before. A minor injury," she said. "I am glad you're content. This is what I wanted for you, Ichigo. Do you understand now?" He wasn't sure if her voice cracked on the last word or if it was his imagination. "You lived as if we were just waiting it out, but I was never going to come to the living world to stay, and you should never have to give up your life. Not for me. Not when you have so much to offer."

"And you?" He asked. "Are you happy?"

She smiled for an instant. "I have my friends, and my brother," she said. "And my duties. I'm satisfied with where I am."

"That's not—"

"I am happy, Ichigo. I could not wish for my life to be different, and if you are well…I am happy. You don't need to worry about me."

"I won't," he said gruffly, not caring if she believed him or not. He felt sick in his gut. He could still feel the fading embers of his anger, cooling now from what had been a white-hot blaze.

She nodded. "Go home, Ichigo," she said. She drew her sword. "Go be with your girlfriend. Stay happy."

"Rukia…"

She closed her eyes, held out her sword and spoke the word that would take her away. The gate to Soul Society appeared before her. Once again, he watched her leave him. Just like the last time, she never looked back.

Yuko was putting away the cleaning supplies when he returned. "Ichigo!" she greeted him cheerily. "I finished the bathroom! I'm sure you'll stink it up again, big man, but at least we'll know whose fault it is…what's wrong?" He pulled her into a tight hug. "Ichigo?"

"Nothing," he said. "I just needed to hold onto you."

She moved her arms up, fingers resting lightly on his back. "Are you okay? What did you need at the store?"

He rested his chin on her head. "I forgot."

--

NEXT CHAPTER: "You wanted to train. So let's train."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: On tactical movements, revisiting past triumphs and forging new relationships with old friends.

--

Though it had taken her years and training to believe in herself, Rukia knew she was a fairly powerful shinigami in command of a considerable amount of reiatsu, not someone an enemy should take lightly. Yet at the moment, it was taking nearly all that spirit energy to keep herself from falling asleep from sheer boredom.

In theory, she should be enjoying herself, she thought as she finished filling out yet another evaluation form in triplicate. Young shinigami rising to their potential, pushing themselves to new heights and possibly being rewarded with a higher seat in the division. It could be an inspiring thing. She held no bitterness over the way she'd been artificially held back in past assessments of her own. It just made the experience of watching hard workers get what they deserved even sweeter.

If only there weren't so much petty sniping and whining involved.

"Vice-Captain Kuchiki?" She looked up to see a currently unseated shinigami standing before her. By the looks of the bandages on his face and torso, he was likely to remain unseated. "I'm Takada Shiro. Um, I don't want to bother you, but I think I should get to do my evaluation again. My opponent cheated—"

"Did not!" An angry-looking girl ran into the room. "Shiro, you said you were going to the fourth! Don't listen to him, Vice-Captain, I kicked his ass."

That was probably true, Rukia thought. "I'm afraid the evaluation schedule doesn't allow time for repeats, Shiro," she said. She stood and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, gently escorting him towards the door. "Don't worry. It's clear you fought hard, both of you. Captain Ukitake is the fairest captain in the Gotei Thirteen; you'll both receive the positions you deserve."

"You handled that well," Ukitake remarked from the doorway to his private office. "I thought I might need to come sort that out, but I see my presence was unnecessary."

"Never, sir." She smiled. "All they want is to know they're getting a fair chance, and that they're worthy of consideration. It's easy once you understand that."

"I suppose so," he chuckled. "The fairest captain, am I? That's a lovely thing to say."

She felt her face warm. "I only spoke my true opinion, sir."

"Well, thank you," he said. "We're none of us so old we don't like compliments once in a while. Let me know if you need any assistance with those forms, would you?"

"I have it under control, sir, but I will."

Left to the silence and the almost meditative quality of paperwork, Rukia felt her mood settle. She was still tense, but less so, and she felt better than she had before Ichigo had spent his day with her division yesterday. Luckily, it had turned out to be more pleasant than she'd anticipated. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, but she still hadn't been sure how to act around him when just looking at him tied her stomach up in knots. Eating lunch together had eased things. Reminiscing about the old days, back when they were partners, back when they could count on each other. Lovers, then estranged acquaintances—only now was she starting to believe that she could remember how to be his friend.

"Oi, Rukia."

She looked up and blinked, unsure if he was really there or if her mind was playing tricks on her. "Ichigo. What are you doing here?"

"Not much else to do. Thought I'd come see what was going on over here," he said. "You looked pretty lost in thought just now."

"Paperwork." She held it up as proof. "It gets the best of all of us."

"Yeah, true enough," he said. "Hinamori and Hisagi are doing their best to drown me in it. Preparation,' they say."

"Then shouldn't you be with them at your division?"

"We already worked through lunch so we could leave at a decent hour today." He raised an eyebrow in a familiar cocky expression. "Trying to get rid of me?"

"If it means I can finish my work more efficiently, then yes."

"Finish it tomorrow," he said, jerking his head towards the window. "It's quitting time."

The sun was rather lower in the sky than she had realized. "The work needs to be done regardless of what time it is. You'll learn that quickly when you're a captain. You can't just laze about."

"I don't want to laze about," he said. "Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to train or something."

"Train?"

"With swords and shit. You _do_ still use yours, right?"

She narrowed her eyes. "You lack training partners? I should think the eleventh would be happy to help."

"They would, except they're busy with assessment too, only their version is them trying to kill each other. They're keeping the fourth busy, though, so I guess that helps with _their_ evaluations." He shrugged. "It's fun to help out with the advanced academy classes, but I was in the mood for someone with a little more experience."

"And your own division?"

"These girls keep showing up at our training grounds, giggling and shit. It's kinda freaking me out." He looked uncomfortable. "Never mind, if it's that much of a hassle for you I don't want to bug you."

"No, that's all right." She breathed in. Training was nothing special; they had sparred in the past, though not frequently, for it had always made more sense for them to work with each other than against each other. Friends, she reminded herself. It was normal for friends to spend time together. "I would be happy to assist you."

"Great!" He smiled. Something about his grin must have been contagious, because she smiled back. She could do this. "You lead the way?"

Oh. "Our training grounds are all occupied right now, unfortunately," she said. "Our division is very zealous. Many unseated shinigami are still training for tomorrow's evaluations."

"Damn."

She smirked. "You're that nervous about spectators? When did you get so shy?"

"I'm not!" He glared. "It's just…the giggles. I can't ever figure out what's so funny. Shut up, you'd be creeped out too if it was you!"

She opened her mouth to make a smart remark, then closed it again. Despite all the years, Ichigo was still ignorant on the subject on women in some ways. But something inside her warned her off of touching the subject, even as a friend. "Then where do you want to go? Everyone is in the middle of assessments. It would be rude to intrude on another division's facilities."

He thought for a moment before his face lit up. "I know a place," he said. "Get up. We're taking a walk."

Growing into old age and back again had done nothing to reduce the speed of Ichigo's flash steps. Rukia let him lead the way until he stopped near an all too familiar landmark: Sokyoku Hill. Or rather, what had once been the execution ground. Today it was nothing more than a barren scrap of land beside a dead forest.

"Ichigo," she said, eyes widening, "No one will be here, true, but I don't think this is an appropriate…"

"Not here," he said. He pointed down one side of the cliff. "Here."

When she saw the size of the secret cave Ichigo had taken her to, her jaw dropped. It wasn't just huge—even if its size was due to an optical illusion, it had to take up a large portion of the cliff—it was also well-lit through some agency she couldn't detect. The barren landscape, pocked by rocky outcrops, looked all too familiar.

"This looks like—"

"Sandal Hat's basement," Ichigo said, looking pleased. "Glad it's still here."

"Urahara built this? And you've been here before?"

He nodded. "Yoruichi-san said he built it to be their playground when they were kids. This is where we trained the first time I came to Soul Society."

Something clicked in her mind. "This is where you achieved bankai."

"Yeah." He strode towards the center of the room. "Renji too, technically. Although he did it a lot differently. I didn't even see that happen; I was too busy trying not to get killed by my own zanpakuto." He grinned at her, full of confident pride, and she wondered if he realized even now what a truly staggering accomplishment it had been, or if he still saw it as just another exceptional act he'd managed out of necessity. Part of her still felt humbled that he'd done it for her sake.

"I'm glad you didn't," she said, and left unspoken all the things she _wanted_ to say.

"It was worth it, wasn't it?"

She looked away, unsure if she could control her expression. "I suppose it was." She felt too full of emotion for what should be a routine training session. Action was the best distraction. Without warning, she dropped to a crouch and lashed out with one leg, sweeping his legs out from under him. He landed on his ass with a whump.

"What the fuck—"

"You wanted to train." She drew Shirayuki, leaned over him, and touched the point lightly to his throat. "So let's train." In one quick flash step, she was away. It only took him a second to recover and jump to his feet, freeing Zangetsu from his wrap. The race was on.

It was like a game of tag. Both of them carried their swords at the ready, but neither sought to strike, only to catch up to one another. Surprise had given her the initial advantage, though she wouldn't have a hope of outpacing him if he released his bankai. Even unreleased, every time she dropped out of flash step she saw him closing the distance between them, a manic grin on his face. She diverted her course to land behind a heap of boulders.

She paused, focusing her senses on Ichigo's reiatsu, though he was out of sight. He landed in front of her, facing away. She thrust a leg out to kick him in the ass but he whirled around, catching her ankle in one hand. "Gotcha."

He shoved. She fell. He hung around just long enough to catch her indignant expression before stepping out again.

Ichigo was enjoying this too much. She followed him, but he was going all out to evade her. Even worse, he'd begun circling her. "Bastard," she muttered.

He wasn't quite as smart as he thought, though—his movements were fast but predictable. "Dance, Shirayuki," she whispered, taking aim. "Second dance—hakuren!"

The white wave shot past Ichigo. From this distance, she could hear a yelp of surprise. In two heartbeats, she stood beside him as he yanked at the corner of sleeve that had been trapped in the glacier. "Gotcha," she chortled, just out of sword reach.

Ichigo grinned. With a mighty tug, he tore free and lunged, shoulder bared and blade at the ready.

It was strange to spar against an opponent wielding a weapon taller than she was, but there was something gratifying in the challenge, Rukia decided. If they were truly trying to take each other down, both would certainly use different strategies, but even just tagging each other prevented them from holding back too much. Ichigo had to be incredibly strong just to swing Zangetsu as fluidly as he did. Rukia knew this for a fact; his bared, muscled shoulder was evidence of it, and she'd had those arms around her often enough to know well their strength. But in this case, speed was very much on her side.

Height was on Ichigo's. He'd clearly decided to press the advantage by striking out from above her, forcing her to deflect from below. She slid sideways, changing her angle of attack, but he recovered admirably. He struck again; she slid out again.

She frowned. Ichigo was picking up speed, forcing her to stay on the defensive. Determined to regain the edge, she jumped back, attempting to throw him off balance—and hit a rock wall.

"Ha!" He slammed Zangetsu into the wall beside her right shoulder blade-first, then shot out an arm on her other side. "Not so fast, Rukia!"

She nearly growled. "All right, you've got me. What now?"

"I dunno. What do I win?" He leaned in. Suddenly the world seemed to go still even as her insides turned upside down. He was too close, invading her personal space. She wanted to shove him away and continue sparring, but her arms and legs wouldn't listen to her. His smirk slipped away to some expression she couldn't read, and for a heartbeat, they stared at each other.

Rukia stomped on his foot hard. "Ow!" he yelled with bewildered affront. "Dammit, what was that for?"

"You let your guard down again," she said. She pointed Shirayuki at him. "Ready to continue?"

He pulled Zangetsu from the rock. "Only if you are."

The strange moment passed, and she breathed easier when Ichigo didn't question her temporary paralysis. She put him on the defensive until he returned the favor—back and forth, exchanging the lead until they were both sweating. Neither drew blood until Rukia, growing tired, zigged when she should have zagged and received a shallow slice on the arm for her efforts.

Ichigo lowered his sword immediately. "Shit, sorry."

"Don't be." She pressed her hand to the cut. It barely hurt, but it was already starting to bleed annoyingly. "You can't tell me no one bleeds when you train with the eleventh."

"No...but that's different."

"If you think I'm worthy of any less rigorous training, Ichigo, I will have to hurt you."

"Of course not," he said. "This does seem like a good time for a break, though. Here, let me help you with that."

"You carry extra bandages?"

"No—come on, over this way."

The hot spring was hidden behind a large outcrop of rock. Rukia never would have noticed it if Ichigo hadn't known exactly where to go. He crouched by the water on a flat rock, motioning for her to join him. "This will help." He slid her sleeve above the cut with one hand and scooped up some water with the other, then pressed that hand against the wound.

"I'm not sure how that will—" she broke off. She felt a tingling where the water touched the broken skin. Ichigo rubbed her skin gently in a way that set off an entirely different tingle. Half of her wanted to pull away from his hand and the entirely _un_friendly feelings it was stirring in her, but the rest forced her to stay completely still so he wouldn't stop.

A few moments later, he removed his hand. "There. All better."

The cut was completely gone, though she hadn't even noticed it healing. "That's amazing," she said, forcing her mind away from an unwanted line of thought. "How does it work?"

"No idea." He shrugged. "It helped when I was training. The old man here really beat the shit out of me." He smiled fondly at his sword.

Rukia sat back and looked around them. "Strange that I never asked you about the specifics of your training," she said. "I suppose we had too much on our minds after Aizen escaped."

He shrugged. "Not a big deal anyway. I just did what I had to do."

"Those were harder times," she said. "A captain's job isn't simple, but it's much better now than during wartime."

"I think I can handle it," he said. "I mean, I can't do a worse job than Aizen, right?" She snorted. "And I've got some pretty good role models on how not to fuck up. That should help. Even if they are kinda crazy."

"I'm sure Hinamori would be delighted to hear that."

"I'm not talking about Hinamori."

She looked sharply at him, but his expression was open and guileless. Something in the pit of her stomach sunk; his intent was to be complimentary, she knew, but she didn't want to think about herself as a role model for Ichigo.

Not when she knew she wanted to be more. "I should go," she said quietly.

"Now?" He looked surprised. "I was just getting my second wind."

"There's always the eleventh." She stood. "I'm sorry, but there really is a great deal more work for me to do. But thank you for the exercise. It was…pleasant."

She left quickly instead of waiting for Ichigo to accompany her. If she waited, he might notice how fiercely she was concentrating on not trembling.

Damn her foolish emotions! She'd thought she'd remembered how to be his friend—no, she had. It was just that having him so near her, having his hand on her, reminded her of other things as well. Things she couldn't get out of her mind now.

Division headquarters were still buzzing with activity when she returned. Some were still practicing for evaluations, but a squad of armed shinigami surrounded Captain Ukitake in the main office.

"Rukia," he greeted her. "Have you seen Kiyone? There have been reports of a Huge hollow. I wanted her to take squad nine out to get more field experience."

"I will take them," she volunteered.

Ukitake looked surprised. "Are you sure? You've been working all day. You're more than entitled to a break."

"No, sir. I'm fine."

"All right then." He nodded to the squad. "Vice-Captain Kuchiki is in charge."

A mission was usually the perfect thing to clear her mind. Under normal circumstances, it would have been. But under normal circumstances, she would have known better than lead a rookie squad while distracted.

Under normal circumstances, they would only be hunting an average hollow, not one that was as devilishly fast as it was large, separating Shinnosuke from the squad and lashing out with pronged tentacles. She wouldn't have been caught off guard and would have been able to choose a better plan than throwing herself in front of the wide-eyed boy.

She would have been able to do something besides feel a painful crunch as the hollow grabbed her by the leg and squeezed, then hear a whistling of air rushing past her head before everything went black.

_33 years ago_

Division Thirteen had always been considered one of the most dignified divisions, based largely on the reputation of its captain and the calm manner in which he ran it. Some deemed the division boring. All would have been surprised at the intense revelry that followed Kuchiki Rukia's official promotion to vice-captain.

"I chose a vice-captain only when I found someone I could trust implicitly to do the job well," Ukitake had told her just after the ceremony, beaming at her. "Kaien would be proud of you." She had smiled back, the pain of old wounds only twisting her heart a little.

Rukia still felt a little dazed, more from the honor than the drink. She had been careful not to overindulge; this was a night she wanted to remember, though she did permit herself a few more sips of sake than her brother would have considered proper. She was content to step back and watch her comrades party themselves out for her sake.

Currently, she was watching them from the roof of one of the division's smaller storage buildings, just outside the courtyard's boundaries. She was winding down for the night, though she wasn't yet ready to sleep. The vice-captain's badge on her left arm, firmly tied there by Captain Ukitake, was a weight she wanted to savor. She wasn't sure she would want to take it off when she did make it to bed. When she had shown it to her brother, who was one of the only non-thirteenth division members invited to the party, he had smiled—just for a moment before returning to his normal stoic expression, but she had seen pride there.

There was one person who hadn't seen it that she wished she could show, but she pushed those thoughts out of her mind. Whatever regrets she may have had, she wasn't going to let them rule her now.

Soft steps on the roof alerted her to the presence of another, but the reiatsu that came with it was as familiar as her own. "Nice party," Renji said, settling down beside her.

She nodded. "They do more than they should."

He nudged her with his elbow. "Hey. Don't start talking about how you don't deserve it. This is your day."

"I wasn't going to." She cast an amused glance his way. "I simply referred to their ill-advised decision to drink so much of Captain Ukitake's private liquor stock. It is very old, and quite potent."

"Ouch." Renji winced. "That's gonna hurt in the morning."

"Brave shinigami of the thirteenth division know well the battles they face."

He shot her a look. "You're not drunk, are you?"

She shook her head. "I am almost entirely sober."

"Almost?"

"This is my party, Renji."

"Yeah, yeah. Good." If she'd been paying more attention, she might have wondered about the way he drew his shoulders together, like he was working himself up to something. "I was thinking we should celebrate sometime soon, if you want."

"That would be nice."

"My treat."

"So they do have manners in the ninth division."

"There's a nice restaurant in north first district a lot of the other captains like to go to. They serve those little shell thingies. Really good."

She nodded. "I have been there with my brother."

Renji reached out to take her hand in his. He stroked the back of it with his thumb. "I was thinking it could just be you and me," he said quietly.

It was only her iron control as a Kuchiki that allowed her to look at him with eyes just a little wider than normal. "Renji…"

"You know I'm really proud of you," he said. "You earned this. You should be happy. And I—I'd really like the chance to make you happy."

There was not one single thing Rukia could think of to say that would be an adequate response. Renji looked at her intently, and began leaning closer. When she neither pulled back nor moved forward, he closed the rest of the distance, and kissed her softly.

It was another few moments before she gathered her wits about her, but by then Renji was already pulling away. He tensed, and she knew that she had the power to shatter him if she said the wrong thing now. "Renji, this is…I'm not sure what to say."

"I ain't gonna push," he said. "Take some time to think, if you need to. We've been friends a long time, you and me. Whatever you say, that ain't gonna change."

She nodded automatically. "I do. Need time."

"Figured you would." He squeezed her hand once and stood. "I need to go find Ikkaku for the drink I owe him," he said. "You know how to find me when you're ready."

He couldn't have read her more clearly. She watched him go, then stood herself, suddenly unable to be still.

If she were honest with herself, she would admit that his words, while not expected, were not a complete surprise. This was Renji. No one knew her better or understood her quite so well as he did. And the way he'd looked at her…

She shivered. It had been a long time since someone had looked at her like that. And it wasn't likely that the last person who had would ever look at her that way again.

So why should she hesitate to accept Renji's offer? He was saying exactly what she needed to hear, and she knew that he wasn't feeding her lines, either. He meant it. And she had always loved him—she _did_ love him. But something kept her from chasing after him and telling him yes right now.

_I need to let go of Ichigo._

It was foolish. It was unnecessary. Seeing him one more time wouldn't change anything between them. But if she wanted to give Renji an honest answer, she had to take care of unfinished business.

Rukia made her way to the gate to the living world.

--

Next chapter: "Is there something going on between Renji and Rukia?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven: On professional courtesy, life-changing realizations and the positive benefits of painkillers.

--

For the second time in recent days, Ichigo found himself faced with the realization that he would never understand women. Hell, he'd give up on understanding women in general if he could figure out Rukia in particular.

The training session had been going so well. It had seemed less like training and more like just having fun with an old friend. He was finally figuring out how to act around her. It'd been nice—a little too nice, even, but he didn't think she'd noticed the effect she had on him.

Maybe she had. Maybe that was why she'd shot out of there like a Menos Grande was on her tail.

The early evening was quiet as he made his way back to Seireitei proper, but he didn't feel like turning in for the night yet. It wasn't _that_ late, and he didn't feel like hanging solo. Maybe he could go find Keigo, or Hanataro, even; aside from a few cheerful chats, he hadn't seen the guy much since he'd died. Ichigo guessed he was a lot busier now, as the fourth seat, than he had been back in the day.

When he got to fourth division grounds, he found that his luck was holding consistently tonight; Hanataro was tied up with a tricky healing session involving two eleventh division members. Ichigo thanked the bespectacled shinigami who provided the information and started to leave.

"Kurosaki-san?" The gentle voice was vaguely familiar. He turned to see Captain Unohana standing there with a smile. "It's nice to see you," she said. "Were you looking for something?"

"Just stopped by to see if Hanataro was around." He shrugged. "Not for anything important. I don't want to interrupt his work."

"I've been looking forward to your visit with our division," she said. "It's a bit early, but since Yamada-san is occupied, would you like to join me for tea?"

Again with the evening tea. Ichigo made a mental note to find out if there was some shinigami rule of etiquette about tea he didn't know about. "Sure. Why not."

He barely knew Unohana aside from hazy memories of being healed by her during and just after the war, but as they sipped their tea and chatted, he found that he genuinely liked her. She was kind without being patronizing, but also had a certain sparkle to her eye that told Ichigo she wasn't someone he'd want to mess with.

"I understand we have something in common," she said, pouring him a second cup of tea.

"Eh?" He gave her a blank look.

"I was told you were a doctor in the living world."

"Oh, yeah." He relaxed. "Not like you. I did general clinic work with my dad sometimes, but I was a pediatrician at the local hospital."

She smiled. "You like children?"

He nodded. "What you see is usually what you get with them, and when they do try and pull crap on you, it's because they're kids and that's their job. Easier than dealing with other adults sometimes."

"Do you have any children of your own?"

"No," he said quietly. "Would've been nice, but it didn't work out that way. It was always fun to spoil my nieces and nephews."

"Your father expressed similar sentiments." She smiled fondly.

"You know him too, huh? He seems to get around."

"We have met a few times since he returned to Soul Society," she said. "But we were also good friends many years ago. Even then, he showed an interest in the healing arts."

"He's a good doctor," Ichigo said. "Crazy as hell, but I guess that put people at ease or something."

"He has always been good at that," she said. "He was also very good at healing kidou. Very unusual for a shinigami so skilled in combat."

"That's Pops for you." He grinned. "He likes to keep people guessing."

She nodded. "Have you explored that branch of kidou yet yourself?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "To be honest, I'm still getting the hang of not blowing up things I don't want to," he said. It was en embarrassing admission, but even if he tried fudging the truth, he had a feeling she would be able to tell. "It's probably not a good idea to put someone's welfare in my hands yet."

"It may be a better one than you realize," she said. "Healing kidou takes a different path than the destructive arts. The proper mental channel is required. As a healer of a different sort in the living world, I suspect you already have the right mentality."

"Really?"

"Of course." She sipped her tea. "I would be happy to discuss this with you further another time."

"I'd like that," he said. "I know why they scouted me for this job, but it'd be nice to be more than a fighter."

"Well, I—"

Without warning, an extremely tense-looking fourth division shinigami burst into the room. "Captain Unohana, come quick," he said, words clipped. "It's the thirteenth's vice-captain. She's hurt."

Ichigo leapt to his feet along with Unohana. "Rukia? What happened?"

"Come with me, Kurosaki-san." Unohana nodded once at him before hurrying out towards the emergency arrivals section of the division, looking all business. He followed.

He heard the commotion before he saw it—that bustle of activity that wasn't panicked, but meant something serious was happening. Three shinigami he didn't recognize appeared, hustling a stretcher towards them. They didn't slow down, just whisked it into a treatment room, but the glimpse he got was enough. Rukia lay on it, her face pinched with pain. There was blood there too, but what was on her head was nothing compared to her leg. Her hakama had been rolled up high enough for him to see the twisted shape of her right leg and the red-mottled white of protruding bone.

Part of him—most of him—wanted to rush into the room and ask what the hell had gone wrong, was she going to be okay, why the fuck hadn't anyone protected her? But the detached doctor side of him, the one that still remained even though he wasn't one anymore, stopped him. The open break meant serious trauma, possibly compounded by other fractures if the deformation of her leg was any indication. The blood on her face could be from a scratch or a concussion. Fixing Rukia wouldn't be a patch job, and for all his living world training, he couldn't do the slightest bit of healing kidou yet. This was Unohana's scene. Better to leave her to it.

He looked around for someone who'd have a clue. The short kid hovering behind him looked nervous and vaguely guilty—a good place to start. "Hey, you!" The kid snapped to face him, now looking almost terrified. "What happened here? Are you in her squad? What's your name?"

He nodded. "Shinnosuke, sir. We were on a routine mission—most of us are new to the division, and Vice-Captain Kuchiki volunteered to take us out. We were hunting a single hollow, but when we found it, it was so big..." He cast his eyes downward. "I froze. It went for me, and Vice-Captain Kuchiki jumped in to save me. It grabbed her and…squeezed. And then it threw her."

"THREW her?" Ichigo glared. "Didn't anyone try and stop it?"

"Yes!" He gulped. "But it was too fast, sir."

"Right," he snapped. "Did someone get rid of it or is that too much to hope for?" He knew as well as anyone that with few exceptions, hollows were mindless. It would be stupid to take an attack on Rukia personally. Didn't stop him from wanting to kill it himself.

Shinnosuke nodded. "Some of the others." He looked miserable. "It's all my fault, sir. The vice-captain was just protecting me."

Ichigo opened his mouth to fire back a sharp reply, then focused on the kid's face. Definitely a rookie—he looked so young. Had Ichigo looked so young when he'd become a shinigami? It didn't seem possible. "It's not your fault, Shinnosuke." Ichigo shook his head. "Shit happens. Rukia was doing her job."

He didn't look convinced. "I should give my report to Captain Ukitake," he said. "Would you—will you tell her I'm sorry? When she's healed?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Kurosaki-san?" Ichigo spun to face Unohana, who stood just inside the doorway. "You can come in now if you like."

He hesitated. "Are you sure? I don't wanna get in the way. Rukia needs to come first."

She nodded, smiling gently. "I have some work to do on her leg. I think it would help if you distracted her."

"How bad's it hurting her?"

"Bad enough, but I've given her something for the pain," she said. "It has…relaxed her."

He didn't get how Rukia could be all that relaxed when her friggin' _bone_ was sticking out her leg, but he didn't bother to ask further questions. He crossed the room in quick strides and knelt besides Rukia's pallet. "Rukia. I'm here."

He quickly got his answer on the relaxation thing. "ICHIGO!" Rukia grinned. "You're here! That's so great!"

He gaped, taking in her wide smile, the glassy eyes. "What did you give her?" He turned to Unohana as she took her place beside Rukia's leg.

"A mild opiate to take her mind off her wound." She began probing Rukia's wound in ways he didn't want to look at. "It should not bother her now."

He snorted. It certainly wasn't, judging by the dopey expression on her face. He turned back to Rukia when she tugged on his sleeve sharply. "Ichigo! You should pay attention to me. I'm injured." She looked like she was trying to glare but lacked the focus.

He'd seen a lot of different reactions to painkillers. Some got sleepy, some got spacey, some got…well, stoned was the only word for it. Rukia seemed to fall into the third category. "Yeah," he said, for lack of anything else. "Sorry, Rukia. I'm paying attention to you now."

"It's about time." She poked him in the ribs, harder than he would've thought a drugged-up triage patient capable of. "I had to wait a long time."

He rolled his eyes. "You had to wait about five minutes."

"No I didn't!" she scolded, the words coming out a little slurred. "I had to wait years, Ichigo. Decades. Lots of 'em, even though I had better things to do! It's not even fun being old but you had to wait _years_ to die just to show that you could. You're a show-off." She sniffed. "And I missed…"

He felt something catch in his chest. "I missed you too, Rukia," he said quietly.

She ignored him. "I missed the..." She made a bizarre wavy motion with her hands. "Your coat."

He gaped some more. Apparently, medicated Rukia was just going to have that effect on him. "My coat."

"Your coat!" She nodded, apparently happy he'd grasped the point. "The black one. With the red stuff."

"Red stu—are you talking about my bankai?"

"Yes!"

"Okay," he said. "You…missed my coat."

"I just told you that," she said witheringly. "You don't _listen_."

"I'm listening, I'm listening." He patted her hand. "Tell me about my coat, Rukia."

She grinned again, and he felt his skin crawl. It was like her fake schoolgirl sparkly grin, only worse, because she wasn't faking it for an audience this time. "snice," she said. "Snug. Shows your hips. Not your ass, though." She sighed. "You have a good ass. Thought so way back when we met."

A sudden cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, he shot a glance at Unohana. She was doing her work and carefully not paying attention to her patient's conversation. "Uh. That's…good to know, Rukia. I didn't know that."

She was only paying him scant attention. "A really good ass," she said, looking almost contemplative. "I liked squeezing it in bed."

"RUKIA!" He gaped at her, equal parts appalled and embarrassed.

"I know you remember that, Ichigo." She glared again, the effectiveness diminished somewhat by the fact that she seemed to be focusing on his ear. "We spent enough time there."

This was not a conversation he wanted to have in front of anyone else, much less one of his fellow captains. "I really don't think this is the right place to talk about that."

"Never is," she grumbled. "We never really talk anymore. But you do remember, right?"

"Rukia—"

"_Right?_"

"Okay, I remember!"

"No, you don't," she sulked, throwing her head against her cushion to stare at the ceiling. "You don't remember. I'm not memorable."

"You're…very memorable, Rukia," he gritted out. "But you shouldn't be thinking about this now. You're injured." He looked down at Unohana again and—oh, damn. Whatever kidou she was doing now, the way Rukia's flesh was moving made his skin crawl. Unohana caught his look and gave him a nod that he understood to mean _keep her talking so she won't see._

"Nice of you to say, Ichigo," she said, smiling again. "sokay though. It's okay to forget." She tugged at his collar again and he leaned down. "Keep a secret?" she whispered.

"Sure," he whispered back. Anything to keep her quiet, at this point.

"I never forgot," she said quietly. "Tried. Pretended. Renji helped. But I wasn't very good at it."

"I didn't know that," he said. He hadn't—when they'd finished their…thing…whatever it was, she'd always been friendly enough. Glad to hear about his life, what he was willing to tell her. But that was all. "You never told me."

"Well, of course." She rolled her eyes. "I'm Kuchiki, stupid. Had to get over you sooner or later, specially when you met that girl. Yucky."

"Yuko."

"Whatever." She waved a hand and nearly smacked him in the face. "She was okay. Didn' really like the look of her. But you were happy."

He looked at her for a long moment. She probably had no idea what she was saying at the moment, and if she remembered later, she would kill him out of embarrassment. But there was no doubt that it was the truth. This sort of pain medication didn't make people lie, it just lowered their inhibitions. "Yeah," he said finally. "For a while."

"Good. Good. swhat I wanted for you." She blinked slowly, as if her eyelids felt heavier. "Still do. So don't be stupid, okay?"

"Okay, Rukia."

She nodded, and her eyelids fluttered closed. He let out a deep breath.

"I believe I am finished here, Kurosaki-san," Unohana said. "Thank you for distracting her."

"No problem," he said queasily. "How's her leg?"

"Much better than it was." She nodded at the limb, which was now tightly wrapped in bandages. "She'll need some follow-up treatment, but she should be able to put weight on it in a day or so." She stood. "Could I trouble you to carry her to one of our overnight beds?"

"Is it okay to move her so soon?"

"The break has healed," she said. "As long as she's not too hard on it for the next day or so, Kuchiki-san should be fine."

He nodded and slid his arms beneath Rukia's knees and shoulders, careful not to wake her—but once Rukia'd decided to pass out, she'd passed out hard and didn't stir. She was a dead weight in his arms, but he had no trouble lifting her.

It was only a short walk to one of the small recovery rooms, but he wouldn't have minded it lasting a little longer. It had been a long time since he'd held Rukia this close, felt her warm weight in his arms. It was nice, even if she was unconscious.

She didn't stir when he laid her down again. He could've left then, but he stayed where he was, watching her breathe lightly. When he'd heard them call for Unohana—when he'd seen her injury—his veins had turned to ice more effectively than even Rukia's shikai could manage. And what she'd said, what he'd felt when he touched her…he still didn't really know what he was doing in Soul Society, but one thing had become perfectly clear to him.

He was still in love with Rukia.

This should be a good thing, figuring out how he felt for her. But he couldn't make out how she felt for him; despite her standoffishness, she'd apparently nursed feelings for him way past the point that he'd assumed she was over his ass. And that was good too, in a way. But she'd used the past tense. And what about Renji—he helped her get over him? Helped how? He had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly how, and it wasn't something he wanted to think about in detail.

There were too many questions swimming through his mind to choose from, even if she'd been awake to answer. So he didn't bother. He just sat and watched her sleep.

The next morning, he found himself awake in his own bed and staring at the ceiling long before he needed to be. He forced himself to wait until a reasonable hour before dressing and leaving. He had to meet with Hinamori and Hisagi later for yet more paperwork, but there was time to do this first.

Members of the eleventh division may have had a reputation for drinking and partying, but no one could call them slackers when it came to a good fight. Ikkaku was already drilling a squad of bloodthirsty-looking shinigami in the yard when Ichigo arrived.

"All right, move it, slugs! I want to see someone unconscious in ten minutes or you're not trying hard enough! Hey." He nodded at Ichigo when he saw him. "What's up? Want to go a round? I'm free after these chumps are finished."

Ichigo steeled himself. "Is there something going on between Renji and Rukia?"

Ikkaku blinked. "Is that a no?"

"I'm not here to fight, Ikkaku."

"Yeah, I guess not," he said. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because it's not something I'm real comfortable marching up and interrupting Renji's day to ask!"

"But it's okay to interrupt mine?" Ikkaku scowled.

"Yes." Ichigo gave him a hard look. "Look. I'm not trying to drag you into the middle of anything. But if everyone's been tiptoeing around, not wanting to tell me because they think I'll freak—I just want to know, okay? I think I deserve to."

"Fine," Ikkaku said, and turned back to the brawling squad. "HEY! Almost-Captain Kurosaki and I've got business to deal with, but that doesn't mean you get to slack off! Kick some ass, pansies! Come with me," he told Ichigo.

He followed Ikkaku around the corner to the back of the closest building. Ikkaku leaned against the wall. "So."

"So," Ichigo repeated. "So tell me already, okay? I can deal."

"So the answer is, I don't know."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"What, you deaf? I said I don't know," Ikkaku scoffed. "Renji's sleeping with _someone_ and he thinks we don't know. Yumi, Iba and me just figured we'd ignore it if he's feeling shy. Just gives us more ammunition for messing with him later. But I don't know if it's with her. I _hope_ not. He'd be a fuckin' moron to go there again."

His breath caught in his throat. "Again?"

"Yeah." Ikkaku nodded sharply. "I don't know if there's something going on with them now. But there was."

"Oh." Ichigo closed his eyes for a moment. Even though he'd come here with expectation bearing down on him, it hurt more to know for sure than he'd thought it would.

"I hope Renji learned his lesson from the experience," Ikkaku said. "I like Kuchiki, really, but that girl did a number on him."

"What? How?"

He shrugged. "Don't know the details. I just know that one day Renji got his shit together and said something and they were together for a while. Then they weren't and I had to deal with my drunken friend vomiting every night for like a month."

Ichigo frowned, trying to process the thought without actually picturing Rukia and Renji…together. "Did he say what happened?"

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "He wasn't exactly coherent and I don't remember the details anyway. It was a while ago, man."

"How long?"

"Uh…" Ikkaku scratched his chin. "Thirty years maybe?"

He gaped. "That long?"

"Yeah. Why, you trying to get back with her or something?"

"No!" he said, knowing it didn't sound very convincing. Yet it was true; what Ichigo would like to do had little bearing on what he'd try to do, if Rukia had already moved on.

"Sure you're not." Ikkaku snorted. "Look, I gotta get back, they fall apart without supervision. Anything else you wanna know first?"

"No." He hesitated, then called out as Ikkaku rounded the corner. "Ikkaku!"

"Yeah?" He looked over his shoulder.

"Do you know why they split?"

Ikkaku gave him a long look. "Why do you think?" He turned around and walked away.

Ichigo stood there a while, digesting what he'd heard. Renji and Rukia…a couple. He'd always known the other man harbored feelings for her. Hell, who wouldn't, once they knew her? But for a long time, it hadn't mattered. She'd been with Ichigo.

Until she wasn't anymore. Could he blame her for moving on, or Renji for assisting her with that?

Of course he could. He _shouldn't_, but he could. He wanted to punch Renji. He wanted to go to Rukia and act like none of the bullshit between them had ever happened. He wanted things to make sense again.

But he had other things to do now. He closed his mind against the mental pictures it had been conjuring and took off to meet Hisagi and Hinamori.

The past could wait. He'd deal with it later.

_33 years ago, continued_

A light snow was falling when Ichigo left the grocery for home, a stuffed paper bag in his arms. It was pretty, but he frowned. There was something about this time of the season that made him count the days until spring. Maybe it was the cold wind that whipped around buildings, or the way the nights felt deeper or longer. Maybe it was just because part of him would always associate it with war and the deaths or near-deaths of friends, but winter had been his least favorite time of year for a long time now.

He was nearly home when the shriek of his badge ripped through the air, yanking him out of his reverie. He didn't need the alarm to feel when the thick, malevolent reiatsu of a hollow emerging into this world splashed across his senses.

Shit. He fumbled for the badge, deep in his pockets—why had he stuffed it down so far, even if he hadn't used it in a long time it was still important—and heard the roar of a hollow that had spotted prey. _Shit!_ He took off running, still grabbing for the badge, and had just rounded the corner when he saw it. It was an ugly fucker, but not the worst he'd seen.

_Got it._ His fingers closed over the badge as a small figure in black flashed across the sky. It was behind the thing almost faster than Ichigo's eyes could track, and then the sword came down on the mask and it was all over.

He stared. "Rukia?"

She sheathed her sword and turned to him. "Ichigo." There was something strange in her expression—apprehension. She seemed scared of what he was going to say. Could he blame her, considering the words he'd said last time they were near each other? It seemed so long ago.

He forced a smile. "What are you doing here?"

She gave him a smile that, to his eye, was just as uneasy. "I don't really know," she murmured. "Killing hollows."

"Yeah, I can see that. Good job," he said. "Your form hasn't suffered any."

She chuckled. "And I'm supposed to believe yours has?"

"Some of us age, Rukia."

"Oh." The air was quiet. "I should—don't let me detain you from wherever you're going."

"Just home." He nodded at the bag. "Do you wanna come up and have a drink or something? It's a chilly night out."

"The cold does not bother me."

"I guess it wouldn't." He hesitated. Trying to talk to her was like stumbling through thick fog. Since when had he not been able to talk to Rukia? Even when he'd wanted to throttle her, half-mad with heartbreak, the words had come easily. He settled for the simplest words he could muster. "Come anyway."

She nodded. "All right."

Once inside, he dropped the bag on the counter before opening the cabinet where he kept his alcohol. Nothing in there needed refrigeration; it could wait.

Rukia was looking around curiously when he turned back to her, a bottle in hand. "You live alone now?"

He'd expected that question and didn't wince. "Yes."

"What happened to your—?"

"We split," he said. "A while after I last saw you."

"I see." Guilt flashed across her eyes. "I hope my appearance didn't cause any trouble between you."

"Nah. Don't worry about it." He grabbed a couple of glasses from the drying rack. "Some things just aren't meant to be." He poured and slid her a glass.

"I know," she said softly. She accepted the drink. "I wasn't sure you'd want to see me."

He took a sip before answering. "Can't be angry forever, I guess," he said. "I still think I had reason to be. But I had to let it go. I—get what you meant, now. We weren't something that was gonna last. It could've ended better, but...it's done, you know? It's past time to move on." The words were true—he'd accepted it for years now—but they still rang hollow in his mouth.

She nodded, but didn't say anything, as inscrutable as she ever was when she wanted to be. He hesitated, feeling compelled to fill the silence but not sure what to say. "So if you're ever here on a mission or something and you wanna say hi or whatever, that's okay."

"I doubt I'll have much occasion to," she said, eyes darting to her right. "But I will remember."

"Good. That's good." He nodded, feeling awkward. "So what brought you here tonight?"

"Oh…I'm not entirely sure," she said. "There have been certain changes in Soul Society of late, certain things I must consider. I felt drawn away so that I could. And perhaps…to apologize once more."

"I told you, forget about it," he said. "Whatever happened, happened. We're both moving forward. You're doing okay, right?"

"Yes."

"I knew you would," he said. "Whatever's going on there, just face it head on and kick its ass. You'll be fine." He was glad that the words sounded more confident than he felt. He wanted her to be okay, wanted them _both_ to be, but he couldn't quite get rid of the tight feeling in his chest.

"And you?" she asked. "You are well?"

"Good as ever."

"Mmm." She narrowed her eyes. "You have a gray hair," she said, pointing.

He made a face. "That's the Rukia I remember. So well-mannered."

"It's not my fault your hair is so ridiculously bright that the gray stands out."

"Keep looking, you'll find a few more," he said. "I told you. I'm getting old."

"I would not call you truly old yet."

"Maybe not." He laughed. "One of these days."

"Perhaps," she said, a smile at the corner of her mouth. She looked down at her drink. "I should return."

"Now?" He was surprised and strangely reluctant to see her go. "You just got here. And you haven't finished your drink."

"I was drinking earlier, before I came. And it is late, and there are certain things I must attend to," she said. "It has been good to see you again."

"You too," he said. "Take care of yourself, Rukia."

He watched her go, and didn't stop watching for a long moment. He suddenly felt exhausted.

Moving backwards wouldn't work. Staying still wouldn't accomplish anything. All that was left for them was to move on. And she looked good, content even. It had been enough to let him hold back the words stuck in his throat. If he couldn't have her—if they weren't going to work, ever—better she be happy in her world than try to be part of his.

He drained his drink and headed to bed.

--

Next chapter: "Have you ever wanted something you had no right to want anymore?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight: On mending things once broken, facing difficult facts and dinner with family.

--

_30 years ago_

"Renji!" The captain of the ninth division looked over his shoulder, then stopped to wait for Rukia to catch up.

"Mornin'," he said.

"It's about time you acknowledge my presence." She reached over to take his hand. "Didn't you see me trying to catch your eye throughout the meeting?"

"I dunno." He smiled faintly. "I figured you'd be a dutiful vice-captain and pay attention to everything Yamamoto said."

"Oh, hush," she said. "Not that I distrust the commander's judgment, but I don't really see why we must have these meetings on a weekly basis. I've begun to memorize them. We could accomplish more at our respective offices."

"Yeah, I guess so."

She squeezed his hand. "I've got to return to my division soon, but I thought I'd walk you to yours first."

"Making sure I get back safe, Kuchiki?" He smirked. "I feel so protected." She elbowed him in the side by way of reply.

"You've been busy lately," she said. "I am simply making sure we spend more time together."

"Guess I have been kinda wrapped up in work," he said. He remained quiet for a moment as they walked. "Got a report from the living world the other day."

"You get many reports from the living world," she said, amused.

"This one was special," he said. "Well, kinda. It was about Ichigo."

Rukia stiffened with surprise and trepidation. "Oh?" she said, striving for a light tone.

"Yeah," he said, only looking at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know we gotta keep tabs on him, Inoue, all of those guys. Turns out Ichigo was in a living world hospital this week—something with his heart, I don't know. It sounded pretty serious. They were making noises about prepping for his arrival in Soul Society."

Her mouth seemed to go dry for an instant. "Already?" she said. "That's so—he should have years left. He was always very healthy!" She wanted to cringe at the shrill note in her voice, and hoped Renji hadn't noticed.

"He probably still does," he said. "False alarm, it looks like. He's gonna be all right. No surprise—Ishida's not gonna let the guy die in his hospital and make him look like a bad doctor."

She let out a long breath. "I see," she said, trying to calm her whirling thoughts. She'd always wondered what it would feel to have Ichigo join her world. It seemed she would have more time to wonder.

She didn't dare identify the tight emotion in her chest as disappointment.

"You okay with that?"

"Why shouldn't I be? Idiot." She scowled for a moment before softening her expression. "I want him to live his life and be happy, Renji. Like us." She leaned up expectantly and after a moment, he obliged, kissing her softly.

The rest of the walk was quiet. Time alone together without any of their respective subordinates or duties clamoring for attention was a rare thing. She resolved to forget about Ichigo and his health scare and enjoy being near Renji, though he was being quieter than usual. She considered pressing him to talk more, but decided against it. If something were bothering him, she trusted him to tell her about it.

"Dinner tonight?" she offered once they'd reached his offices. "The usual time?"

He nodded. "Sounds good."

"I'll see you then," she said. "Try not to miss me."

"Heh." He looked away. "I will."

--

"Renji! You're late!"

He looked from his desk, where he'd apparently been engrossed in paperwork. "Mmm?"

Rukia crossed her arms and stalked over to him. "You were supposed to meet me for dinner at eight o'clock."

"Oh, right." He rubbed at his temple. "Time to go already?"

"You will notice, Captain Abarai, that it is now _nine_ o'clock," she said pointedly. "What does that tell you?"

"Shit." He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Rukia. I've got a giant pile of paperwork and lazy-ass seated officers and it just slipped my mind. Won't happen again."

"I should hope not. It is all right to delegate, Renji. That's what we vice-captains are for." She leaned over to kiss him and frowned when he drew back after only a moment. "Is everything all right? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine." He closed his eyes before reaching over and to touch her hand. "Just tired."

"Then you should rest more, idiot." 

"Yeah, yeah. Look, I had some snacks from the break room earlier, but if you still wanna get dinner, we can go."

She studied him for a moment. "It is late for dinner," she said. "Perhaps we should just retire for the evening."

"Sure." He stood. "Whatever you want, Rukia."

--

Waking up was like dragging herself out of a long, dark tunnel. Rukia wondered at her exhaustion as she blinked away the fuzziness, and a glance at the window provided the answer. It was well before dawn, the only hint of sunrise a muddled grayness in the east.

There was no point in staying awake, then. She rolled over to curl up against where a warm body should have been, but found only empty sheets. She sat up, looking around. "Renji?"

He stood a few feet away, already fully-dressed and tying the final knot in his uniform's sash. He looked at her, but didn't meet her eyes. No—it was more like he _wouldn't_ meet her eyes. "Hey," he said after a pause.

She tugged at her yukata where it had fallen down one shoulder. "What are you doing up? It's so early. Come back to bed."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I don't think so," he said, finishing with the knot.

She swung her legs around to touch the floor. "You can't possibly be going to work this early. It's not even light out."

"Rukia…" He closed his eyes. "This ain't gonna work anymore."

"What?" She frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying we can't be together anymore," he said. "It's over." 

She opened her mouth, closed it, and swallowed heavily. "All right," she said in an even tone. "Do I get to know why?" 

"It's just not going to work, that's all."

"That is not all! You seemed perfectly content last night. Now you want to break up? Why?"

He snapped to face her. "Because," he said. "You're still in love with Ichigo."

She froze for an instant. "That's not true."

"Yeah, it is," he said quietly. "Took me long enough to see it. About time you did too."

"Stop it!" She stood. "That was years ago. I'm with you for a reason."

"Yeah, I know. But it's not the reason I hoped it was." He shook his head. "You think I like saying this? I've been watching you for months now. I've been _right here_ and you're just…somewhere else. I should've seen it sooner. You love him, not me, not the way I want you to. You never stopped."

She sat back on the bed heavily. "It doesn't matter anyway," she said. "It would never work. We're a world apart."

"Idiot." The word was harsher than the tone. "That won't last forever. Everyone dies."

She laughed, but it came out more like a sob. "I can't live like I'm waiting around for decades," she said. "He's got his own life that has nothing to do with me. He moved on. And me, I tried…" 

"I know you did," he said. "I wish it could've worked. But sooner or later he's going to step through the gate, and he's still going to want you."

"I don't think so."

"Think whatever you want." He voice grew hard. "But I can't be what you need. So we're done." He slid the door open and stepped through. "See you around, Rukia."

_The present day_

Rukia fought the urge to wake, burrowing into her pillow and blanket before consciousness fully claimed her. It would be bad form to oversleep, but she just didn't want to move...

"Hey." Something poked her shoulder. "Wake up, stupid."

"Renji?" She opened one eyed. He was hunched over in chair beside her bed, elbows resting on his knees. "What are you doing in my room?"

"Your room? Take a look around."

Even as he spoke, she recognized where they where. "This is…the fourth? Why am I here?"

"Do you remember last night?"

"Last night?" She frowned. "I…" She focused, trying to recall. "There was…a mission. I went with the squad…" Her eyes went wide as memory rushed back. "The hollow. Is everyone all right?"

"Calm down, they're fine," he said. "You did a good job leading them. Least, until your dumb ass decided to jump in the middle."

"I did what I had to do. It isn't as though I wanted to be injured." She pushed the blanket and sheet down, wincing at all the bandages on her leg. "This is not my idea of a pleasant morning, Renji."

"It's better than being dead." He reached over to shove her hand away as she probed her leg. "Don't poke at it! Geez, you wanna open it back up again? Your bone was sticking out last night!"

"It was?" She blanched at the unsavory mental image.

"Yes! That's what Unohana said, anyway. I didn't make it here until after," he said. "Your brother was here earlier, but you were still sleeping it off. I told him to take a hike and I'd make sure you got home all right once they gave the okay. You know how he gets hives if he's away from work too long."

"I'm fine now," she said. "And I should return to work as well." She moved to swing her legs over the side of the bed and gaped at Renji when he stood quickly, blocking her in.

"Oh, no, you don't," he said, looming over her. "You've already proven you don't have any sense of self-preservation. You go when Unohana says, not before."

"Renji!"

"Shut up," he said flatly. "What in the _hell_ is wrong with you, Rukia? You know better than to go against a hollow when you're distracted! I don't care if it wasn't a big one. Even the small fry can kill! This one almost did! What were you thinking?"

"I don't know," she gritted out. "Does it matter now? The squad is alive. I am alive."

"Bullshit," he spat. "Did you see Kurosaki yesterday?"

She closed her eyes. "Stop it."

"No! Dammit, Rukia, I don't care if you want to sink yourself in denial forever, but I'm not gonna just watch you do it if it means you're going to get yourself hurt! Why can't you just admit to being _human_ for once?"

"Because I can't talk about this with you!" she burst out. "Dammit, Renji, you're the last person who should want to hear about this."

"It's not exactly my favorite subject," he said sharply, then sighed. He settled down beside her on the edge of the bed. "But I wouldn't be a very good friend if I wasn't here to listen."

"Don't ask me to do this."

"Why not?"

"I'm the one who screwed up things between us," she said, something inside her twisting with her words. "It's my fault you and I could barely speak for years. I'm just grateful we've been able to rebuild our friendship. If I lost you again—I couldn't take it, Renji. You don't have to listen. You don't owe me a damn thing."

His expression softened into annoyed fondness. "Doesn't mean I'm not ready to do it anyway. Remember I told you once that nothing was gonna change the fact that I am always gonna be your friend? I meant it. Still do. And if you're miserable now, then what the hell did we go through all that for?"

She looked away. "I don't even know what I should say."

He rolled his eyes. "You really are a moron, you know that?"

Before she could reply, the door slid open and Captain Unohana entered the room. "Good morning, Vice-Captain Kuchiki," she said. "How are you feeling?" 

"Better, I think," Rukia said, summoning up all her professional reserves. "I don't remember much after the hollow attacked me."

"That's not surprising," Unohana said. "The medication I gave you is very potent. You were conscious, but scarcely aware of your surroundings."

"Did I say anything?"

She paused. "You were rather chatty." 

"Oh...I see." Rukia bit her lip and wondered what exactly she had said to qualify as 'chatty.'

"Please don't worry," Unohana said. "I seem to have suffered a case of temporary amnesia and cannot recall anything you may have said." She gestured towards Rukia's leg. "May I?"

"Of course." She tensed, expecting pain, but the captain's fingers were gentle, and her flesh was not as tender as she had feared.

"You've healed very well," Unohana said. "I see no reason why you cannot leave under your own strength, provided you move slowly and don't overdo it."

"I'll make sure she doesn't," Renji added. Rukia glared at him.

"Good." Unohana smiled. "Please don't walk more than necessary, but I believe Kurosaki-san would like to hear that you're feeling better. He was very worried last night."

Rukia froze. "Ichigo was here?"

Unohana nodded. "We were having tea when you were brought in. He helped distract you as I worked on your leg. You're free to go now, Vice-captain."

Rukia stayed where she was, desperately searching through the black hole of her memory. What had she _said_ to Ichigo?

"Hey." Renji nudged her shoulder. "Come on. I'll walk you to your brother's place. And don't argue with me about going to the office or to your quarters. I want you somewhere with servants who can get shit for you. You need to rest." He held out a hand to help her up. "Coming?"

"I'm coming." 

She was relieved to find the journey to the Kuchiki estate didn't tax her overmuch. It only took one punch to Renji's midsection to convince him he didn't need to carry her back. Once there, the servants took over his hovering duties, fussing over her far more than was necessary. Even so, the chance to relax was welcome. She wouldn't have admitted it to Renji, but her leg was starting to feel slightly wobbly.

It was also nice to be home again. Her brother had not been entirely pleased when she'd elected to move into the private vice-captain's quarters out of division solidarity, but they were better at communicating these days, and he had eventually come to understand. She still spent enough time at home not to feel like a guest, and they made a point of having dinner together at least once a week. It would be good to spend time with him again.

Once the servants were finished settling her and she was alone, her nervousness over what Captain Unohana had said caught up to her. She had been "chatty," and Ichigo had been there to hear whatever she had chatted about.

It wasn't that she was afraid she'd made a fool of herself—all right, maybe a little, but she could be hardly be blamed for a loose tongue as the result of medication. It wasn't her fault, and she could take some teasing. But Ichigo had been there last night, and he wasn't this morning, nor had he stopped in to see her.

She'd been holding back so many things lately. Had any of them finally made it past her carefully constructed filters?

As much as she told herself that fretting over it would be pointless, the thoughts still weighed on her when her brother returned from work. He joined her for dinner, the two of them alone in the stupidly large Kuchiki dining room. Conversation was still not an easy thing between the two of them, but Rukia knew tonight was even more silent than usual. 

"Rukia." Byakuya spoke again as the servants took away their plates and set fresh cups of hot tea in front of them. "Does your leg pain you?"

"No, nii-sama," she said. "Captain Unohana was very thorough."

"Of course." His expression was as blasé as ever, but Rukia thought she detected a hint of worry in his eyes. It had taken many years for her to be able to see some of the emotions he hid, and more to trust that she was not imagining them. "Does something else trouble you?"

Words of denial sprang to her tongue, but she held them back. "It is nothing you should worry about, nii-sama."

He studied her carefully. "I will respect your privacy, Rukia. But if you speak, I will listen."

She clenched her hands into fists. "Nii-sama, have you…" Her throat was dry. It would be wrong to burden her brother, who had so many other important concerns, with her feelings, but she could not help herself. "Have you ever wanted something you had no right to want anymore?"

He was very still. "Yes, Rukia," he said. "I believe I have."

"I don't know what I should do." She looked down

"I cannot make that judgment for you," he said slowly. "I can only counsel you to make the most honorable choice."

"I wish I knew what that was."

He sipped his tea. "Have you discussed this dilemma with the parties involved?"

"I do not wish to burden others because of my weakness."

"Sharing with those who care enough to listen is no burden," he said. "And holding back may be more harmful in the end. You are a Kuchiki. You will make the right decision." He stood. "You should rest."

She nodded. "Nii-sama?"

"Yes?" He paused on his way out. 

"What did you do?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Many would say I made the wrong choice," he said at last. "But for the five years following, I was happy. And I never doubted my decision."

Back in her room, Rukia found herself staring at the ceiling.

Things couldn't go on like this. She needed to let go of these feelings and let go of Ichigo. It was one thing to endanger herself because of distraction, but she would never forgive herself if her undisciplined emotions resulted in harm to her subordinates.

Or she could say something to Ichigo. Lucidly, this time.

It would be a stupid thing to do. Most likely, he would be kind and let her down gently—and she would be humiliated. She rolled over, intent on sleep. The best thing would be to go to work as usual and act as if nothing had happened.

But… 

Maybe.

--

Next chapter: "What the hell are you doing?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine: On inter-office politics, unexpected ichthyology, and seizing the day.

--

"Kurosaki-san, is something bothering you?"

"What?" Ichigo looked up from his reports, annoyed that his train of thought had been broken. He was just starting to get a feel for the rhythm of how this place ran, and how he could run it. It wasn't at all like he was focusing on work to avoid thinking about the past romantic entanglements of his friends.

Maybe if he told himself that enough, he would actually believe it.

Hinamori rested her chin on one hand. "You're holding your pen as if you're trying to snap it in half," she pointed out. "And you've been reading that same report for ten minutes."

"I'm just trying to be thorough."

She pursed her lips. "Maybe it's not my place to say it…"

"Go ahead." He shrugged. "It's not my place to tell you when you can talk."

"Perhaps you should speak to Vice-Captain Kuchiki."

He slumped back in his seat, too surprised to feign denial. "Damn. Is it that obvious?"

"Actually, no," she said reassuringly. "Only a little. And you have the same expression Kuchiki-san had the night she came to proposition you with tea, so I assumed—"

"Woah, woah, wait. Back up." He jumped to his feet and waved his hands in front of her even as he tried to force the words to make sense in his mind. "The night she WHAT?"

"You hadn't realized it yet?" Hinamori blinked.

"No! What—there's nothing to realize! It was just tea!"

"Tea and the chance to talk," she pointed out. "It was easy to see at the time, but I didn't feel it was my place to say anything. She seemed quite emotional."

"I had tea with Unohana the other night and I'm damn sure she wasn't trying to start anything with me," he said. "Er. She wasn't, right?"

"I doubt it," she said. "That would only give Captain Zaraki more reason to want to fight you?"

"What?! No, wait. _I don't want to know._"

Hinamori's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Still."

"Rukia doesn't have a problem saying what she thinks," he insisted. "Loudly. If she wanted tea and…stuff…she'd just say so."

"Maybe."

"Not maybe! That's just how she is!"

"Many people act more confident than they are," she said. "That's part of being brave. You could always ask her yourself."

Ichigo paused at that, imagining what that would be like. Rukia _had_ acted strangely around him, but after what she'd confessed about how Renji had "helped" her get over him, he'd assumed it was because she didn't want to tell him about her past with the other man. "I wouldn't want to put her on the spot like that."

Hinamori nodded. "Hmm."

Women and their confusing secret codes once again. He'd never get it. "Hmm' what?"

"Nothing. Just hmm.'"

"You are one insubordinate vice-captain," he grumped.

"Just doing my job." She signed a report. "Sir."

"Some job," he said, frowning as he stared into space. He still couldn't quite bring himself to trust in Hinamori's words. But then, she seemed pretty confident, and he certainly wasn't always the most perceptive guy. Moreover, he wanted to believe in her assessment of the situation; it sent a shot of hope through him, along with just a touch of terror.

She picked up another report. "May I ask a personal question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"What do you think is the worst that could happen if you said something?"

"I could fuck up our friendship, for starters," he said. "What's left of it." If he lost what relationship he had left with Rukia...it didn't bear thinking about.

"Aah."

"Hey." He was starting to get annoyed. "That's a big deal."

"I know," she said, eyes soft. "But if your friendship is strong, it will survive. There are worse things than a little awkwardness." She touched her stomach lightly. "It isn't as if she'd want to hurt you simply for having feelings for her."

Ichigo winced. Privately, he thought maybe he'd prefer getting stabbed in the stomach to messing things up with Rukia again, but that wouldn't be the best thing to say to out loud. "You've made your point."

"In any case, you're free to go if you have somewhere you'd like to be." She leaned back, stretching her arms. "We've been at this enough for one day."

"Hey, aren't I supposed to dismiss you, Vice-Captain?" Then again, she still knew more than he did about the division. "Anyway, I'm not tired. We could get more done."

"Take advantage of the free time while you can. Once everything is official, we'll be spending many more hours here," she said. "The ceremony is in two weeks. Do you think you'll be ready?"

"Shit." He blinked. "That soon? I hadn't even realized."

She nodded. "Captain Hisagi asked me to let you know he wants to go over a few final things before the transfer, but you're coming along well. He's not worried about the change of command anymore."

"So he was before, huh? Heh. As long as he doesn't try to micromanage things when he's gone."

"It's hard to let go," she said. "Even when it's the right thing."

"No kidding," he said, and pushed his chair back to stand. "See you tomorrow, then."

"Good luck, Kurosaki-san," she said, smiling.

He set off with every intention of going to see Rukia. At the very least, he should check how she was doing after being released from the fourth. At the most…well, he'd figure that out when the time came.

He found himself walking towards the ninth division instead.

Maybe it was because the work day was well over, but no one stopped him from heading right to the main office—where there was no captain to be found. A sliding door in the back of the room was open, though, and Ichigo stepped through to find Renji sitting there, overlooking a koi pond. "Yo."

"Ichigo." Renji nodded at him. "Knew that was you. You still can't keep your reiatsu to yourself."

"You're just oversensitive."

"Whatever. Sit if you want."

Ichigo sat and wondered what exactly what he wanted to say. So Renji had been involved with Rukia—big deal. It wasn't like Ichigo had never been aware of the other man's feelings. As long as he avoided certain mental pictures, he could handle the past.

The present was trickier. What was the proper way to ask an old friend if he was still sleeping with your mutual ex-girlfriend? What if Renji said no? Ichigo would feel like a complete ass for throwing it in his face.

What if he said yes?

He wasn't sure what he'd do then. If Rukia was truly out of his reach for good, Ichigo didn't want to know about it—even if he needed to.

"What's on your mind?" Renji asked. "If Ikkaku sent you to persuade me to join them, you can tell him to go screw."

"What?"

"That fishing thing he and Yumichika and Yachiru are doing this weekend," he said. "They like to go out into Rukongai once in a while. Yumi says it's about nolstalgia and re-forging their bonds of friendship, but I think he just thinks it's funny when Ikkaku spears fish with Hoozukimaru. Yachiru just grabs em with her bare hands. Captain Zaraki knows better, but they always try and drag some others along for kicks."

"Uh, no," Ichigo said, thrown off-balance by this choice of topic. "He didn't send me. But thanks for the warning. I'll make sure to avoid him the rest of today."

"No problem." Renji glanced at him. "Thought he might've because he told me you guys talked yesterday."

Their eyes met.

"He did, huh."

"He thought you might be interested in…fishing."

Ichigo frowned. The hell? He'd braced himself for something—anger, an apology, something—and here Renji was just going on about a damn fishing trip neither of them cared about when—

Oh. This was one of those metaphor things.

"Yeah," he said, picking his words carefully. "We talked about fishing. I hadn't gone in a while. Busy being old, you know."

"That'd be a problem." Renji leaned back on his hands. "Thinking of trying it again now that you're hale and hearty?"

"I suppose I could. It might be nice. Wouldn't know until I tried. Not sure if it's a good idea, though. I'm still figuring this place out and, uh, I don't really know the good spots. Maybe I should just leave it in the past."

"The fishing."

Ichigo wondered if Renji felt as moronic as he did. "Right. Fishing."

"I used to know a good spot," Renji said in a low tone. "Had some good times there."

Ichigo tensed. "Really."

Renji looked away. "But not anymore. Not in a long time."

Ichigo let out a long breath. The sense of relief was so palpable he felt lightheaded. "That's…that's too bad."

"It's all right." Renji shrugged. "I still stop by, just to make sure everything's okay there. But I found a new fishing spot. It's working out okay so far. If you wanna try the one I had…well, I can't lay any claim to it. Up to you to decide if it works for you."

"Thanks," Ichigo said, trying to keep the surge of elation down. As much as he wanted to run straight to Rukia, he wanted to make sure things were settled with Renji, too. A friend was a friend. "Cuz I've been thinking I'd really like to. But I don't want to intrude somewhere I'm not wanted."

Renji snorted. "You've been doing that your whole life, Ichigo. But you should be okay. I'm pretty sure you should check this place out."

"Aah." Ichigo stood. "Maybe I should do that now."

"Ichigo." Renji turned to him, his expression deadly serious. "I don't have to tell you that if you hurt her, I will beat the shit out of you."

He just nodded, not breaking eye contact. On this subject, they were in complete agreement.

Ichigo didn't bother considering that he might find Rukia anywhere but in her office. She'd probably gotten a damn rash just from taking time off to heal. Even if her division was crowded with shinigami, he'd be damned if he let them stop him now.

She was at her desk when he arrived, writing industriously. Same old Rukia. Too damn predictable. He didn't try to resist the smile this thought prompted. "Rukia."

She looked up in surprise. "Ichigo."

"Hey." His mouth was dry. "We need to talk."

"Now?" She looked nervous. "I would be happy to speak with you, but I really must finish these reports for Captain Ukitake."

"Yes, now." He strode forward.

She jumped up from her seat and snatched up the papers. "Just let me give these to the captain and we can find a better place—"

He stepped in front of her. "Forget them." He put his hands on her shoulders. She stared up at him with wide eyes. "Rukia—I don't—" Dammit, the words wouldn't come. "Oh, fuck it," he mumbled.

"What are you—"

Ichigo slid his arms down around her waist, pulled her close, and bent her back to kiss her.

Rukia's papers dropped to the floor.

If any part of the world existed beyond Rukia in his arms and her mouth against his, Ichigo wasn't aware of it. _This is it. What I've been missing._ She was warm and soft and his neck didn't hurt at all from leaning over her. Even with her off balance, it was easy to support her as he kissed her. She still fit. They still fit together.

Rukia moved her arms up his, holding onto his sleeves. Her lips moved softly under his. After a moment--an hour? A year?--he pulled away just far enough to see her face. He could still feel her breath against his lips.

At some point Rukia had closed her eyes. They fluttered open again and he smiled. She looked a little dazed. He had just enough time to feel proud of causing this before she reared back and slammed her forehead into his nose. Ichigo's world exploded in pain.

"OW! What the fuck?!" He clamped his hands over his nose, dropping Rukia as he did so. She staggered backwards, nearly falling over.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed.

"What am _I_ doing? You just broke my nose, you bitch!"

"It is not even bleeding, fool! And don't change the subject! And be _quiet!_ My captain is in the other room at this very moment!" Her face was lit up with ire.

He prodded his nose and immediately wished he hadn't. "Might not be broken, but it still hurts like fuck! What was that for?"

"What was that for?" she repeated incredulously. "What was it _for?_ Ichigo! You do not just march into someone's office and manhandle them without even asking permission! What were you thinking?"

"I guess I wasn't."

Rukia glared at him like she wanted him to drop into a hole. At the moment, he wouldn't mind. "I should think not," she snapped.

Anger flared in him. "Dammit, Rukia! I wasn't trying to embarrass you! I just—after what you said the other night—"

"What I said?" Her fierce expression began to drain away. "What did I say?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore," he said.

"Ichigo—"

"Sorry. I guess I just lost my head. I'll go." He turned and walked away, glad she couldn't see his face anymore. He'd been so sure.

He paused at the door and tried to think of something to say that could possibly salvage the situation before fleeing to his quarters and never coming out.

He was stopped by feeling of a small hand on his back.

"Wait."

--

Next chapter: "Take off your pants."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten: On non-public displays of affection, the best part of making up, and communication that is not speaking.

Note: This chapter has been edited to comply with ffnet's policies on explicit content. The full version can be found at herdedcats dot livejournal dotcom (or just click on the link to my homepage in my bio.)

--

Rukia had gone mad.

It was the only adequate explanation for her current circumstances. The stress of her recent injury, along with the extra paperwork that had built up over even a day's absence, and the fact that she'd spent much of the day debating what to say to Ichigo, had combined to cause hallucinations. That, or he really had stormed into her office looking blotchy and agitated and practically molested her.

Madness was also the only understandable reason why she'd stopped him. "Wait," she said softly, reaching out to touch his back. "Ichigo."

The fabric of his uniform was smooth against her hand. She imagined she could feel his heartbeat beneath it. It was a long moment before he turned around.

She leaned her head against his chest, letting her hair fall in front of her face. "You're hopeless idiot," she said. "You don't just grab a person like that! It's rude!"

"Rukia…" His hands rested lightly on her back, as if he thought she'd twist away if he held too tight.

"I didn't say you could talk," she said. She looked up and her breath caught. He was so close. He had a tiny smudge of ink beside his nose, she noted absently. "You should have better manners than that after all this time."

"Never bothered with em." A ghost of a smile turned his lips and he drew her closer.

"Idiot. You're so stupid." Something between a scoff and a laugh emerged from her throat and then her arms were around his neck and they were kissing, really kissing this time. She could feel his skin and taste his mouth when his tongue slipped past her lips and she couldn't let go, wouldn't, because if she stopped then this might not be real.

Ichigo made a noise in the back of his throat. She'd forgotten he did that. She'd forgotten how much it made her want to devour him.

It had been over forty years. How had she made it forty _days_?

"Mmm. Rukia." Ichigo attempted to speak between kisses, but she didn't give a damn about words just now. Forty years. How stupid had they both been? "Rukia, hold on…"

"Shut up," she muttered, and bit him on the chin. "I said no talking."

"Damn," he breathed, and kissed her again. Lips and tongues and teeth all got involved and there was no gentleness to this one, none, but she didn't care.

"Rukia…" Ichigo lifted her onto her toes to whisper in her ear. "Where's Ukitake?"

She jumped back, startled; for a moment, Ichigo still held his arms out in a parody of an embrace. She licked her lips nervously and he dropped them, eyes locked on her. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't think about him after—well."

She glanced over her shoulder at the door that connected their offices. Nothing. If he'd heard them, Captain Ukitake had chosen to be discreet. "I know."

"Should I, uh, come back later?"

She opened her mouth to say yes. Come back later and they could talk. Give them both time to calm down. "No."

Ichigo's face dropped. "Oh. Okay. I'll just…" He waved his hand in a vague gesture, but she caught it in hers.

"Don't come back later," she said. "Come now."

-

Ichigo had gone mad.

The thought kept running through his mind as he and Rukia walked quickly through the halls of her division. The two of them rushing to her quarters so they could be alone, her presence just touching his side—he still half-expected that all this would turn out to be a fantasy or a fever dream. Only iron control and other peoplse walking through said halls kept him from touching her; she'd kill him for getting grabby in public. But if this was madness, it was the best kind and it was everything he'd wanted and way more than he'd expected—

—and did he even remember how to do it? Stupid question. It had to be something you never forgot. Like riding a bike, really, and damn he didn't need to be thinking about riding until they were properly alone, which needed to be really soon. He just hoped his riding skills hadn't rusted.

"Where the fuck do you live?" he hissed under his breath.

"You don't know?" She glanced sideways at him.

"No! You never showed me!"

"An oversight on my part, clearly. Here." He nearly went right past her as she rounded a corner and stopped dead. "Here."

If he'd been in a normal state of mind, Ichigo might have been embarrassed at the way he practically fell on her the moment they entered her quarters. Rukia didn't seem to mind, though, reaching out blindly to slam the door shut before wrapping her arms around his neck.

This was more like it. Ichigo would've sighed happily if his mouth wasn't plastered to Rukia's. The room was dark and quiet aside from them, all indications of passing time gone, and he wasn't sure if they spent a minute or an hour like that. Just getting to touch her again like this was almost a form of release—but not quite, not yet, and he really wanted to get to that.

With great reluctance, he reached behind his neck to pull her hands away. Rukia made a noise of annoyance and he pulled away far enough to get his hands between them.

"Ichigo…"

"Shut up." He leaned in to kiss her below her jaw, moving his mouth down as he pulled her robes open to give him access to her skin. "Let me." He dropped to his knees and began working at the knot of her sash.

For once, she listened to him and let him work, though she didn't stop touching. He frowned in concentration as he picked at the knot—it'd figure she had tied it tightly and perfectly.

Rukia's fingers traced his face as he worked, ghosting over his eyebrows, his cheeks. A thumb trailed over his mouth and he paused to bite it gently, pulling the tip into his mouth to suck on it before continuing. Finally, finally, the knot came free. He looked up as he pulled her robes open, exposing her chest. She smiled above him before shrugging them off her shoulders to let them fall around her waist.

-

Rukia would have giggled if she didn't think it would spoil the moment. Ichigo was trying very hard to make this good, she was sure, but he was also staring at her breasts like he hadn't seen any in a very long time.

Well, perhaps he hadn't. Still, if they were in a different set of circumstances, she might have teased him to wipe up his drool. As it was, she was more eager for him to stop looking and start doing.

"Stand up already," she told him, and he quickly complied. Whatever awe her unclothed chest had inspired, it didn't impede his actions. A tiny thrill twisted inside her as Ichigo leaned over to nibble at her shoulder, then paused when she moved her arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Multi-tasking," she murmured, and set to work on the knots of his sash. He wasn't the only one desperate to get rid of clothing. He also wasn't the only one who needed to see and touch bared skin. She traced the scars on Ichigo's chest with her fingers, following with her tongue. Ichigo let out a strangled groan and, before she could react, bent to scoop her up in his arms, pressing her against the wall.

"You're such a bitch," he mumbled into her neck between bites.

Rukia chose to answer by socking him in the arm and wrapping her legs around his waist. It wasn't that his arms weren't strong enough to support her—this was just more fun. "Ichigo," she panted. "Take off your pants."

"Hmmm?"

"I can't do it for you, moron! Just—" She squeezed her legs around him once. "Just hurry up and do it!"

He couldn't have dropped her to her feet and yanked the ties of his hakama free any faster if he'd used flash steps. Not one to waste time given to her, she did the same, kicking her hakama aside as it hit the floor. Ichigo stepped to embrace her once more, this time with nothing between them. "Rukia…" His eyes were shining.

"Shhh." She kissed him softly as he lifted her in his arms again. "Don't say anything."

-

When Ichigo came back to reality, he was collapsed on top of her, both of them breathing heavily. She stroked his back, and neither of them spoke for several minutes.

"Ichigo," she muttered at last. "You're crushing me."

He bit back a caustic comment and rolled them over so that she was on top, her head resting against his chest. "Better?"

"Yes," she said, breath tickling his skin. "Much."

They lay together in silence. Ichigo would have been content to stay like that forever if one thing wasn't bothering him. "Rukia?"

"Mmm?" She already sounded half asleep.

"Well…"

"Spit it out, Ichigo."

"Why did we wait so long?" There was a long pause. "Rukia?"

"Since when did you start feeling chatty after sex?" she grumbled.

"Hey, if I'm interrupting your beauty sleep—"

She cut him off by placing her hand over his mouth. "You're not," she said quietly, and swiped her thumb across the skin beside his nose.

"What was that?"

"Oh," she said, "just a bit of ink."

"What?" He touched his face. "This whole time? And you just now told me?"

"I was distracted." She was smiling, so instead of teasing her or starting an argument, he wrapped his arms tighter around her and ran his fingers up and down the skin of her back. He couldn't seem to stop touching her.

"Ichigo?" Her voice was soft in the quiet room, as if she weren't even certain she wanted him to hear her.

"Yeah?"

She sat up on an elbow to face him better, though he refused to relinquish his hold on her waist. Her eyes looked serious. "What do we do now?"

He hesitated. He wasn't certain what kind of answer he could give—or what she expected. He settled for pulling her closer and kissing her.

"That's not an answer," she pointed out when their lips parted.

"Now who's chatty?" Before she could answer, he rolled them over so he was pressing her down onto the futon. "We'll figure this out, Rukia, but can we just—can we enjoy the moment first?" He leaned down to kiss her neck. "We've got a lot of years to make up for."

She ran a hand through his hair. "I suppose…that is acceptable."

"Good." He grinned against her skin and proceeded to make sure they had no need for words.

--

Next chapter: "I think there's no damn reason for me to be here."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven: On rude awakenings, deciding one's place and taking the next step.

--

The sharp knocks on the door were enough to snap Ichigo awake, but it took him a few disoriented seconds to remember where he was. It wasn't until Rukia stirred in his arms, making the soft breathy sounds of someone still deeply asleep, that he remembered, and smiled.

He debated the wisdom of kissing her good morning. On one hand, well, he really wanted to. On the other, they'd been awake and tiring themselves out for much of the night. She might not appreciate being woken out of a sound sleep.

On yet another hand, physical impossibilities aside, whoever was at the door was still knocking. If he didn't want her to wake up, he'd have to take care of it. He sat up, easing Rukia off him, and his eyes fell upon the closet where she'd kept the futon. A pile of neatly-stacked furoshiki cloths sat on a shelf. Perfect.

Moving quickly but quietly, he snatched one of the large cloths from the shelf and wrapped it around his waist. Whoever was at the door knocked a third time, and as he came closer, he could hear a hissed argument on the other side.

"—told you she's obviously not here, so let's just go—"

"Shut up! Give her a chance to answer, not everyone else hops around like a hyper monkey—"

Ichigo slid the door open to see Sentaro and Kiyone on the other side. "Can I help you?"

Kiyone just blinked while Sentaro's jaw dropped. "We—we just wanted to see if Rukia-san would like to join us for breakfast," Kiyone stammered. "We wanted to treat her since she was hurt on duty."

"Oh." Ichigo glanced behind him. Rukia was still dead to the world. "Well, she's kinda—"

"Busy!" Kiyone burst out, nodding eagerly. "Yes, very busy! That's our vice-captain, always getting a jump on the day! Please don't bother to tell her we were here, we'll just see her—later—much later, she's still recovering and don't worry, we'll explain to Captain Ukitake!"

Ichigo wasn't sure he liked the sound of them explaining anything to Rukia's captain. "Hey, you don't have to—"

"It's no trouble at all!" She yanked the sleeve of her gaping partner, who hadn't moved an inch. "Come on, ape, they want to be alone!"

"But—"

"Now!" In a flurry of flailing limbs and barked insults, they were gone.

Ichigo sighed. Rukia was not going to be thrilled about this. He probably should have just let them wander off on their own. At least Rukia hadn't woken up.

She'd rolled over onto her side in his absence, facing away from him. That was okay with him. He slid under the top comforter and wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her back against his chest and spooning himself around her body. He dropped back to sleep, relaxed and content.

Interruptions aside, this was a good morning.

-

When she found herself drifting awake, Rukia squeezed her eyes shut tighter and attempted to burrow under the covers. She snapped to alertness when an arm whose presence she hadn't even noticed tightened around her and she felt lips press against her shoulder. "Morning," Ichigo murmured.

She twisted around onto her back so she could see him, leaning on one elbow above her. "Morning," she echoed, and closed her eyes for a moment when he kissed her. When he pulled back, she tugged at the blanket to allow her more modesty.

Amusement sparkled in Ichigo's eyes. "You know, I have seen it before," he pointed out. "A lot."

"I don't tell you how to act," she grumbled. "You could stand to be more modest too, walking around with your sword released all the time."

He rolled his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind," he said. "When I'm a captain—"

"Oh!" She sat up so sharply their faces nearly collided.

"Hey, watch it! My nose is still sore from where you bashed it in yesterday."

"What time is it?" She fumbled to get out from under the covers. "Oh, no, it must be late! I've got to get dressed!"

"Hey, wait." He grasped her wrist. "Don't just run off. We should talk."

"You should have woken me earlier," she said. "I do have responsibilities to take care of. And I'm sure you have somewhere to be as well." Despite her words, though, she couldn't bring herself to pull her wrist away. As much as she needed to leave, she was too warm and comfortable here with Ichigo.

"Just kidou practice first thing," he said. "I'm not meeting Hinamori and Hisagi until later. And they probably already know you're going to be late, because those two loons from your division already stopped by."

Rukia stiffened. "Sentaro and Kiyone were here?"

"Eh,.." Ichigo smiled weakly. "Sorry. I should have just let them knock, I know, but you looked so peaceful, I didn't want it to wake you. I chased em off."

She flushed. "I wish you had not done that."

"They didn't see anything!" he protested. "What, is it so important to have breakfast with a couple people you see every day? Or do you just not want anyone to know you slept with me?"

"No! That is, no, I'm not trying to hide anything." She grasped his hands in hers. "I don't regret this. I simply have no desire to expose our private business to scrutiny."

"I don't want that either." He looked relieved.

"Good. We're in agreement, then," she said, and felt a little stupid at how businesslike she sounded. Forcing herself to relax, she leaned back into the sheets. "I suppose being a little later to the office than I already am won't make much of a difference."

He curled up beside her. "I like the way you're thinking now."

She settled in and touched his relaxed face lightly. It was a contrast to how tense he'd looked when he'd barreled into her office. "What happened yesterday?" she asked. "What brought this on?"

"How much do you remember of the night the hollow got you?" he asked.

Oh. That. "Very little," she said carefully. "I remember the hollow, and falling. After that, just a haze. I think I remember talking." She flushed, still uncertain she wanted to remember what she had talked about.

"Yeah, there was talking." He chuckled. "You said you missed me."

"That's all?"

"Oh hell no," he said, looking far more amused than she felt was warranted. "You also complimented my ass."

"I did not!" she protested. "You're making that up!"

"I swear, Rukia, it's the truth. It's not my fault it left an impression on you."

He probably was, she realized. He was grinning far too much to be telling tales. "That's all it took?" she asked. "You were inspired by me ogling you under medication?"

"It didn't hurt."

She smacked his arm. "Pig."

"That wasn't all," he said, catching her hand in his and rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "You said that you tried to forget me. Forget us. But you weren't very good at it."

She looked away. That much was true. "Anything else?"

"Just some babbling," he said. "Nothing important. It was enough."

"Oh."

"I just got sick of it," he said, and now he looked serious and held her hand tightly. "You could have punched me in the face, but I was tired of pretending that I was fine, that I wasn't feeling things I wasn't supposed to. I was just lying to myself. I was lying to you."

She swallowed heavily over the lump in her throat. "And now?"

He spread his hands. "I'm not lying anymore," he said. "I guess now we just decide where we want to go from here."

"Where we go from here," she repeated quietly. "Before last night—I didn't let myself think about being with you like this again. Even if I wanted to." She touched his face. "I thought it wouldn't be fair to you. I didn't think you thought about me this way anymore, either."

"Like I said, I was lying to myself," he said. "I'm sick of that. It doesn't do either of us any good. I just want to be with you now. Like it was before."

She smiled faintly. "It's more complicated than that," she said. "I…don't want things to be just like they were before. It's not like it ended well between us. I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you again."

His expression softened. "Dumbass," he said. "I'm not worried about that. Things are different now."

"They are different," she agreed, resting her fingers on his. "For both of us. You lived, Ichigo. Don't tell me you didn't change, too, in all that time. We both did. We can't just pretend neither of us are different."

"I know I can't," he said. "Doesn't change the way I feel, though."

A rush of warmth ran through her body. "What happened between us last night was wonderful," she said. "But it doesn't automatically fix everything between us. There are things to consider, to discuss…I just don't want us to get ahead of ourselves and have it go badly because we rushed into things."

"I wouldn't call waiting a few decades rushing into things," he said, sounding both annoyed and affectionate.

"I wouldn't either." She smiled. "But I want to get things right this time. It's worth it to take our time." She leaned over and kissed him deeply.

He held the kiss for a long time before pulling away. "So."

"I really do need to get to work now." She grimaced. "I don't want to imagine what those idiots are telling Captain Ukitake. I'd like to cut them off if I can."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

She pinched his side. "You should be."

"Bitch." He made a face.

It didn't take long for them to get up and dress again, much as neither wanted to leave. They paused beside her door before leaving. "I'll just…see you later, then," Ichigo said.

She nodded. "Of course."

"Good." He hesitated, then kissed her quickly. "Later, Rukia."

"Goodbye," she said, and watched him leave. Funny, she thought. It was the first time in a long while that saying those words didn't feel like an ending.

-

Ichigo left Rukia's quarters uncertain how he felt about the situation. So: he'd had sex with her. Several times, in fact; he wasn't sure of the exact number, as they'd seemed to meld into each other as the night grew deeper and the two of them grew more tired. And while the sex was good, it was the meaning behind it that counted. It wasn't just a physical thing. It meant something.

But then…he didn't quite know where to go from here. He didn't have a problem with taking their time now that they had time, but all his instincts were telling him to move forward. The tip of his tongue slipped out to brush where their lips had touched before he caught himself. Trying not to cringe at his own pathetic resemblance to a lovesick teenager, he stomped off to the headquarters of his division. At least he knew where to go from here in the literal sense.

Hinamori was sorting through reports at her desk when he arrived. "Yo," he greeted her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, looking up with a confused expression.

He blinked. "Should I be somewhere else?"

"Yes, actually," she said. "The sixth division, about twenty minutes ago."

"What?" He stared. "No, I'm not. I have another day or so before that visit."

She shook her head. "It's today."

"Shit," he swore. Going from one Kuchiki's bed to the other one's office was not part of his plan for a good day. "Shit!"

Hinamori raised an eyebrow. "You're only a bit late. You can still go."

"Can I just say I was sick?"

"Captain Kuchiki is not your superior, so of course you could," she said, grinning. "Though as your vice-captain, I'd would be interested in knowing what kind of illness you've come down with. It could be contagious."

He turned around. "I'm going."

It was a quick trip to the sixth division, something that didn't exactly please Ichigo. The door to Byakuya's office was open when he arrived, but he still knocked against the doorframe. There was just something about he man that made a guy not want to barge into his space.

Byakuya didn't even look up from his paperwork. "Enter."

"Hey," Ichigo said uneasily. "I know I'm late—"

"Yes." The single word was delivered in a clipped tone.

"So…you still got me penciled into your appointment book or do we need to reschedule?"

After a long pause, Byakuya set his inkbrush carefully to the side of his papers and directed his gaze at Ichigo. It was as cold and penetrating as he remembered, and Ichigo fought the urge to glare back out of reflex. He thought he could detect a hint of displeasure in the other man's eyes and wondered if Byakuya could somehow tell what had happened the night before. Could Rukia's reiatsu have rubbed off on him somehow?

"That is entirely up to you," Byakuya said at last. "You are here to observe and learn, if you so choose. I am not your teacher."

"Really." Ichigo shifted on his feet. "I got the impression you'd have plenty to say."

Byakuya lifted a shoulder in a way that on a less noble person would have been a shrug. "The decision has already been made. You will be a captain, one of my," he paused, "peers, and as such you may take away as much or as little from the experience as you like."

There was another pause as Ichigo struggled to decipher whether he was subtly telling him to get the hell out or not. Probably not, he decided. "Peer" or not, Byakuya had never had any qualms about being a rude asshole in the past. "I'll stay."

Byakuya turned back to his paperwork. "Fine."

Ichigo waited for him to finish up whatever he was working on and set it aside so they could get down to business. He didn't.

After five more minutes of waiting, it became apparent that Byakuya had meant "observe" quite literally, as he apparently had no intention of explaining what or why he was doing. "So…do you normally have this much paperwork in the morning?"

"I have this much paperwork all the time," he remarked. "As will you. I find it's best to take care of it as soon as possible instead of avoiding the responsibility."

"Uh huh." Ichigo shuffled over and peered at the reports from the side of the desk. Byakuya paused for a moment, as if to protest, then continued. "Anything interesting here?"

"To you, likely not."

"So…nothing really helpful for your future peer."

He turned another page. "No."

Ichigo scowled and shut up. There were a few things he'd like to say, but he could just tell Byakuya was relishing the chance to shut him down with that nobler-than-thou tone of utter calm. He did feel dumb just standing there, though, so he was just a little glad to see Byakuya put his brush down a few minutes later and stand. "Come."

He hadn't been to all thirteen divisions yet, but strolling around with Byakuya on his morning rounds, Ichigo thought that sixth must be the most rigidly organized division of them all. Hell, "stroll" wasn't even the right word. It was far too loose. Kuchiki Byakuya moved forward with purpose, though he never appeared to hurry. Wherever they went, squads were busy with drills. He wasn't sure if they felt their captain's reiatsu approaching or getting a Byakuya-sized stick up one's ass was the first thing that happened upon joining the division. And Renji had been vice-captain here? It was probably a good thing the war had cut his tenure short and prompted immediate promotion. Ichigo couldn't imagine him being so stiff.

Plus he was getting bored. He'd been interested in seeing just what a captain did all day when he'd first arrived and barely knew what he was doing, but this wasn't anything he couldn't see in his own division.

He didn't expect it when Byakuya stopped on a pathway that overlooked his current vice-captain running a training session on the parade ground. "Do you have questions?"

Ichigo leaned back to take in the view. "Looks like you run a pretty tight ship here."

Byakuya nodded at him, which was probably the closest thing he'd get to a "thank you."

"I think…" He hesitated for a moment before storming ahead. "I think there's no damn reason for me to be here."

Byakuya merely raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yeah, really. Hell, you don't want me here either, do you?" Byakuya's face didn't even twitch. "Well, whatever. What's the point of this? By now I'm either ready or I'm not. You voted me in, you should know."

Byakuya made a non-committal noise.

"What? You don't agree?" Prodding Kuchiki Byakuya probably wasn't the wisest thing he could have done, but Ichigo was annoyed enough that he didn't really care.

"As you say, you will shortly be captain," Byakuya said. "How you choose to educate yourself in preparation for such a responsibility is at your own discretion. I am merely doing as Captain Yamamoto asked by availing my division's procedures and grounds to you. Decide for yourself what to do next."

"I will," he said. "I have. I'm done. I'm ready."

"As you say."

"I'm going." He turned to leave. "I'll let Yamamoto know myself. Time to get things started."

Byakuya waved a hand dismissively. "Good."

"So…bye."

"Mmm."

Byakuya was probably just happy to get him out of his hair, but Ichigo didn't care. Hell, they were _peers_ now, right? Forget the snob. Yeah. He could handle this. He was ready.

Still, as he turned to go, he couldn't help thinking he saw a hint of amusement in Byakuya's eyes.

--

Next chapter: "We're not meant to be."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve: On moving up in the world, throwing a shindig, and an ending that isn't.

--

The thing about becoming a captain was that no one warned you about anything. They just thought you could take whatever came along. Honor, prestige and a crisp white haori were all well and good, but the massive, migraine-inducing pile of paperwork that came with them left a lot to be desired. He'd anticipated lots of work once the position was officially his. It was just that no one had told him that the workload would spike to such high levels before the official ceremony that would make him captain of the Fifth division. "Congratulations," Hinamori had said, eyes sparkling. "Now just fill out these two hundred forms in triplicate and the office is yours."

So she hadn't said it quite like that. It had been close enough that Ichigo found himself dashing over to the Thirteenth on his lunch break instead of walking just so he could hope for enough time to see Rukia. Everything had been so crazy for the last couple of days. Since he'd decided he was ready for the captaincy that they hadn't even had a chance to talk again, just shared brief looks in passing.

Ukitake was just entering the main office when Ichigo trotted up. "Good afternoon, Ichigo-kun," he said with a pleasant smile. "Can I help you with something?"

"I was actually looking for Rukia," he said after a moment's hesitation, wondering how much Ukitake knew. Sentaro and Kiyone had big mouths, but they wouldn't really have said exactly what they saw, right? Rukia hadn't come to kill him yet to avenge her embarrassment, so probably not.

"Ah. Unfortunately, she's out doing some field training with a squad all afternoon," Ukitake said. "Can I pass along a message?"

"Uh, no thanks. I was just stopping by to see how she was."

"Fully recovered," Ukitake assured him. "I meant to come thank you for looking out for her when she was injured."

"No big deal." Ichigo shrugged. "I was there. Of course I stayed when she needed me."

"I don't doubt that. As Rukia's captain, I've always been glad she could rely on you," he said. "Personally as well as professionally. I care about her a great deal."

"I know she likes you a lot too."

Ukitake nodded. "I want to see her happy." His gaze bored into Ichigo. "I hope it's not intrusive to say I was sorry when the two of you separated years ago. I know you made her happy."

"I tried," Ichigo said, his face burning up. He was grateful when Ukitake looked away.

"Still. I'm sure you understand why she remained here in Soul Society," he said. "She's come so far over the years. She's blossomed." He looked back at Ichigo. "And now here you are. Strange, how these things come in cycles."

"Uh, yeah," Ichigo hedged, trying to figure out what the older captain was getting at. Was this a way of giving his blessing? A veiled threat that he'd better make Rukia happy again? "I never thought of it like that, but I guess it's true."

"Listen to me." Ukitake shook his head. "Sometimes I sound like the old man I am. I'm glad you're joining us as a captain, Ichigo. And as a friend. Please come by any time you like, and not just to see Rukia."

"Thanks." Ichigo nodded. "I will."

Ukitake smiled. "And I'll tell Rukia you were here."

There wasn't much else to do but return to his own office. "That was fast," Hinamori said as he entered.

"I'm just efficient."

"Good to know," Hisagi replied from beside his vice-captain. For the first time while in the office with them, he wasn't wearing his white captain's haori. He bowed to Ichigo in an exaggerated manner, his grin lessening the seriousness of the gesture. "I just dropped off the last paperwork from my end. It's all yours now."

"I'll do my best," Ichigo said solemnly. They shook hands.

"I'm taking off," Hisagi announced. "You might have a party tomorrow, but Ikkaku and Renji are taking me out for mine early. Want to come?"

"Thanks, but I think I'll stay here," he said. "Try to get a handle on things so I'm not behind my first real day."

"You'll be fine. Go easy on him, Hinamori." He winked. "Not too easy, though."

"Well, Captain," she said when Hisagi was gone, "What comes first?"

He opened his mouth to say he wasn't a captain yet, then closed it slowly. It wasn't as if the ceremony meant as much as the actual work. "Whatever needs to come first. The squads have their assignments for today, so let me guess—more paperwork?"

"You've already got the hang of it." She tilted her head and smiled.

"I guess so." He grinned and snagged her arm, guiding her towards the door. "I haven't had lunch yet, and it's getting late for that," he said. "Plus I'm not official until tomorrow, so no need to_ act_ official until then."

"Sir?"

"Come on, Vice-captain," he said. "We're going to get lunch, and I'm going to buy you a drink. The paperwork will still be here when we get back."

"Yes, sir."

-

As an officer of the Gotei 13, Rukia was expected to attend the ceremonial induction of a new captain and listen to the speeches and symbolic acts with all the solemnity required by the occasion. She was capable of this. It was just that she had to try so hard to keep from giggling throughout the entire thing.

She'd been fine until Yamamoto was halfway through his first address, when she'd glanced at Ichigo. He'd grown better at hiding his emotions over the years, and she'd gotten out of practice at reading them. But it was obvious in a heartbeat that he was already bored out of his mind.

A veteran of such ceremonies, Rukia bit back a grin. Ichigo was in for a long wait. He might not be one for pomp and circumstances, but Soul Society absolutely was, and that hadn't changed no matter how many other things had since Aizen's war.

After a while, when Captain Kyoraku began his boisterous welcome speech as one of the senior captains and the atmosphere had relaxed a bit, she saw Ichigo looking through the crowd and caught his eye. She flashed him a small grin before resuming her serious expression, and a ghost of an answering smile appeared on Ichigo's face. They kept eye contact for the rest of Kyoraku's speech, and Rukia could practically feel him trying to communicate with her.

It had been a good idea to take some time to think about what they were doing. She understood why they hadn't had a chance to see each other for more than a minute, but she still wished she could drag him out of the gathering hall right then for a more private celebration. Soon, she reminded herself. It was his day. He should get the chance to enjoy it. They'd have plenty of time to figure things out together afterwards.

She couldn't hold back a proud smile when Commander General Yamamoto unfolded the white haori and placed it over Ichigo's shoulders. He seemed to grasp the importance of this particular moment. Ichigo bowed his head as he slid the mark of rank and achievement on, and there was pride in his face when he lifted it again and looked directly at her.

The roar of the approving crowd broke her reverie as the applause rose. With the ceremony over, the assembled group rose to its feet, with the representatives from Eleventh division charging to be the first to congratulate the new captain. Rukia let them, and hung back. It was time for a party. Their time would come.

It didn't look like it would come for a while, though. As the crowd moved to the 5th division grounds where plenty of food and drink was already laid out, the party really got started. Rukia sipped a drink and watched from the edge of the crowd. For once, Ichigo was the life of the party. The only reason she could tell where he was in the mass of people was the orange hair that stood out like a beacon and the force of his reiatsu that she could feel shimmering around him.

"He looks good, doesn't he?" A proud voice came from her right and she looked over to see Kurosaki Isshin clutching a beer.

"Kurosaki-san! I didn't realize you would be here."

"It's Isshin, Rukia-chan, Isshin. I keep telling you." He chuckled. "I couldn't miss this. Besides, now that they've gotten my stupid son to be a captain, there's no worry they'll come begging for me to take back my old job."

"You should come back more often," she said. "Captain Ukitake always enjoys your visits."

"Just him?" Isshin raised an eyebrow. "I still owe you a game of shogi, don't I? After the way you demolished me last time." He pouted. "I still think you had an unfair advantage. I'll never go drinking with Shunsui the night before we play again."

"Just let me know when," she said.

"He's going to a damn good job once he gets the hang of it," Isshin remarked. From where they stood, they could see Ichigo laughing at some joke of Captain Kyoraku's.

During all the time she'd spent with Isshin since his return to Soul Society, Ichigo had only come up in conversation once. In an uncharacteristically awkward moment for him, he'd commented on how stupid Ichigo was for letting a catch like her get away, but assured her that _he_ still had a brain and was glad to see her again. She'd known that he was trying to avoid dancing around a touchy subject by trampling over it, and had appreciated it for the effort it was.

The awkwardness was gone this time. "He will," she said, almost to herself. When she looked back at Isshin, he was watching her, a faint but knowing smile growing on his face.

"He's lucky to have you to look out for him," he said. "My son has a good heart but no sense sometimes. If only he'd taken after his mother more."

She held back her laughter. "He'll be fine."

"I think so," he said. "There's one thing I have to ask you, Rukia-chan," he said, face growing serious. "It's very important."

"Yes?" She tensed.

"Wait at least a year before giving me grandchildren," he said firmly. "He certainly owes me them, but let him settle into the job first."

Her jaw dropped. "Kurosaki-san!"

"Well, I better go extend my congratulations to the new captain!" He trotted away. "Been a while since I've given him a good kicking…"

Rukia decided she needed another drink.

She found Renji on her way for more sake. "Hey." She elbowed him. "Having fun?"

"It's not bad." He winked at her. "Our division would do it better, but it's a passable party."

"It'll get a chance to prove it when you retire, Captain Funny Eyebrows," she said. "Why don't you have a drink? You should enjoy yourself."

"I will, I will. Later," he said. "I'm trying to pace myself. Rangiku's taking the opportunity to indulge, and at least one of us should be able to walk upright at the end of the night."

"You could drink with her, you know."

He shrugged non-committally.

She rolled her eyes. "You're being stupid."

"No, I'm being private."

"It isn't as if anyone would care."

"We'll see," he said. "I don't see you out there drinking with _your_ boyfriend."

She stared. "How did you—?"

Renji looked embarrassed. "You look happy," he replied. "I figured you would be once you stopped being a moron."

She stepped on his foot, but didn't put her full weight into it. "I'm sure you know a lot about being a moron."

"Never denied that." He ruffled her hair affectionately, then pulled away before she could stomp hard. "Maybe I'll find Ran after all."

"You could congratulate the guest of honor," she said.

"I might," he said. "But I think we've also said what we need to say." He waved. "Later, Rukia."

The crowd around Ichigo hadn't receded at all by the time she'd found and finished a second drink. Rukia didn't mind, but she didn't feel like winding her way through it, either. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him, be near him, and it wasn't that she was particularly patient; she didn't want to wait. But she could, because soon, she wouldn't have to wait any longer.

-

The party was nice. The food was superb. The drink was plentiful. Ichigo appreciated all of this and made a mental note to ask Hinamori who he should write a thank-you note to later. Even though he wasn't wild about being the center of attention, he had to admit he was enjoying everyone's well wishes. He just wished he could track down the one person he wanted to hear from the most.

He'd spotted Rukia once or twice, but not close enough to get her attention. For whatever reason, she'd decided to keep her distance. He supposed he could understand why—if he had her by his side, he wouldn't want to pay attention to anyone else that was there, and that'd just be rude. It didn't make her absence any less annoying, though.

It was after midnight by the time he managed to escape from the crowd without getting pulled aside for another handshake and hearty congratulations. Things had mellowed out enough that it was more like a regular party than a formal occasion to honor the new captain. He was sure the constantly-replenished alcohol had something to do with that.

Now he just had to find Rukia.

He began circling the edge of the courtyard, scanning the crowd for a glimpse of her, but he saw nothing. She just had to be tiny, didn't she? He could try feeling for her reiatsu, but with this many strong spiritual presences around, it'd be like digging through sand to find more sand.

"Ichigo."

He stopped in his tracks, close to one of the smaller buildings that bordered the yard. "Rukia?" he replied uncertainly.

"Ichigo!" he heard again. "Over here. Turn around. Look _up_, you idiot!"

He turned, looked and squinted into the darkness. "What are you doing on the roof?"

"What are you doing on the ground?" she retorted.

"Good question." In a quick flash step, he was on the roof. He plopped down beside her. She handed him a hunk of taiyaki and they chewed in silence.

"So, Captain," she said after a few minutes. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," he said, then, when she didn't follow up, "That's all?"

"Should I say something else?"

He shrugged. "Been hearing that all evening. Thought you might at least come up with something more original."

"I suppose I should've had time to think of something more since I waited so long for the captain to free up."

He frowned, but she was smiling when he glanced at her, so he relaxed. "Don't worry, Rukia. If you try really hard, I'm sure you'll be as popular someday," he said. He hesitated for a moment. "Where's Renji? I'm sure he would've kept you company."

"He left with Matsumoto a while ago," she said.

Ichigo blinked. "Matsumoto? I didn't realize they were friends."

"Well, they should be." Rukia chuckled. "They're sleeping together."

He whipped around to stare at her so fast he could practically feel himself get whiplash. "Renji and Matsumoto? You're kidding me."

"Because I'm such a joker." She made a face.

"Huh." He leaned back on his hands. "He said something that made me think he was seein' someone, but I didn't figure it was her."

"Neither did anyone else," she said. "He didn't even tell me until I went to have breakfast with him one morning and caught them in bed."

"Why's it such a secret?"

"He's an idiot," she said. "He keeps insisting it's just 'friends with benefits', as he puts it, but I'm not so sure. It's not a subject we've discussed in depth, though."

"I guess not."

"Did you see your father?" she asked.

"Oh, Pops. Yeah, we talked for a while. I think he and Kyoraku are up to something now. I didn't really wanna know."

She grimaced. "As old as those two are, I don't think they've ever truly grown up."

"You're telling me." He snorted. "I'm the one he raised, don't forget."

"I don't think I could."

They were quiet for a few minutes. Though the actual distance wasn't great, the noises of the party seemed muffled and almost far away.

"Ichigo—"

"Rukia—" They started almost at the some moment, then stopped. She smirked and he ducked his head, feeling stupid. "Go ahead."

"Mmm, I'm not really sure what I was going to say."

He edged closer. "Sorry we haven't gotten a chance to talk in a few days. It's been crazy getting ready for this."

"Don't be sorry." She waved a hand dismissively. "I understand."

"It's probably about time we did, though."

"I suppose so," she said quietly. He watched her, trying to figure out how to say what had been on his mind. It would be nice if he could just take her in his arms, kiss her, and let that say it all, but things had never been that simple with them.

"I've been thinking a lot this week," he said, staring at his hands. "About us. Where we were, where we are, where the hell we go from here."

She just nodded. He couldn't quite read her—her expression seemed welcoming enough, but slightly guarded, like she was waiting for him to reveal his hand before she showed hers.

I'm not one for speeches, Rukia," he said. "So I don't know how well this is gonna come out." He took a breath. "You and me…we're not meant to be."

Rukia made a soft noise in the back of her throat and immediately he saw where he'd gone wrong.

"Hold on." He grabbed her hand. "When I say we're not meant to be, I mean—we're not fated, Rukia. It wasn't inevitable that I'd die and we'd get back together. It was our choice." He took a breath. "It still is. I want to be with you. Yeah, we fucked things up a lot before. Doesn't mean we have to now. I want to try," he said. "So…your turn?"

After a moment, she took his face in her hands and kissed him hard. He pulled her closer, and for several minutes there was nothing beyond the warmth of her in his arms.

Until she pulled back and pinched his side. "Ow!" he protested. "What the hell was that for?"

"You're right, Ichigo," she said. "You are terrible with words." She leaned in so their foreheads touched. "But I think I can live with that."

"Good." He snuck in another quick kiss. "So…wanna start living with it tomorrow night, then? Say, around eight?"

"Kurosaki Ichigo, are you asking me on a date?"

"Maybe," he said. She laughed. "Hey, it seemed as good an idea as any! We never really did that, you know."

"I know," she said. "I accept."

"Well…good." He stood, captain's haori blowing in the light breeze. The wind had kicked up a bit. "I've got my own captain's quarters now," he said, grinning. "Wanna check them out? Break em in a bit?"

She snorted, and he knew he didn't fool her for a second. Which was fine; he wasn't really trying. "I suppose we might as well."

He held out a hand to help her up, but she shook her head and hopped to her feet. "Race you," she said. She disappeared in a blur of shunpo, only to reappear on top of the next building. "Ichigo! Are you coming or not?"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He grinned. "Let's go."

--

Many, many thanks to:

-Aino, for stepping up to the plate with infinitely helpful beta and support.

-Ashe, for being fucking awesome and giving me kicks in the pants when no one else would.

-Raynos, for many, many hours of spec and awesome suggestions.

-Sophia, for giving me the prompt that would eventually lead to this fic, not that it resembles the prompt at all anymore.

-Tenebris, for indulging me in spec even when she thought I was loony and giving me one particularly helpful plot point.

Thank you for reading the first fic of this length I've ever completed. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
